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gloomythebear
i would rather be hated for who ...
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gloomythebear is offline
 
#1
Old 01-06-2010, 09:15 PM

ok i write poems pretty short most of the time so please dont hate me when they are only three or four lines. but anyways heres all the ones i wrote over winter break. none of them have titles because i dont put any titles onto my works.

you see me now
you see me not
confused and lonely
i hope you rot

roses are red violets are not
trapped in a web of lies
i am caught

darkness is lonely
sunlight may sting
crying helps sometimes
but thats not enough for me

what is love
what is hate
what is that girl thinking
oh no its too late

ok that was all the short poems i came up with over break. now for the kinda long ones that took awile to think about...

why are you there and i am here
why cant i see you
why dont you come out
why do you stay in the dark
why are you eating me
oh, i see
thank you

my soul she is crying
crying
crying
she wants to be heard
she wants people to hear her words
crying all day and all night
sick and tired of waiting in lines
sick and tired of these stupid rhymes
crying to protect
crying to reject
crying to get all she can get
why cant i stop your crying
all day and all night
crying
crying
with no end in sight

through the night i hear him call
he wants my blood
not some
but all
he looked so caring
and so sweet
until he knocked me off my feet
he watched me close
and carried me slow
to the dock to let me know
it was over
it already had been
he was my brethren, my blood, my kin

comment and rate fairly please!hope you enjoyed ^^"

Sizzla
Gangsta Biatch
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#2
Old 01-07-2010, 02:52 PM

I'll be moving this on over to the poetry subforum where it belongs. :yes:

Lovers Never Tell
Is that what you call a getaway?...
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#3
Old 01-17-2010, 06:10 AM

Okay, so you said you had many poems, but all I see is one long wall of text with line breaks. Make some indencation as to where one ends and the next beings and I'll consider critiquing it...

Also, titles serve a lot of purpose. I highly suggest using them because they give insight to a poem; set the mood before anything's ever even started. The title is the real eye cather and what first draws your reader to your work. So think about it... ;)

 



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