As my music flows from my mind
Their is that special creative place for all of us to find
You may like to draw, to write
Its your own tune to control, To know the purpose
To know what to love
What to hate
What to change
What we all hold dear
Will come out.
~I know i'm not good. Sometimes its hard to find that special place. I try I guess thats good enough. ^^. I need help to see what I need to work on. I love to write.

We may say farewell,
Yet you will always be there,
In my heart you stay
~I love haiku's

To kill is to live
The way you think is our wrong
We're the ones to blame


We all lose someone we love
A loved one, A baby, a grandparent, a parent, yourself
To fall in to depression
Is a wrong
The sorrow we feel
The fault because you never said "i love you" enough.
You never know how much you love something until its gone.
Until then you'll never know how bad it feels, you never know how much you hurt.
But
what to do is look up to the heavens, pray, and know someday,
We will be there along side them
Think positive
They are looking from above, Cheering you on.
You know no matter what you will remember them for who they were.
And we will never say
"Bye"


I need to know why....:
One day your there
The next your not
One day we argue
The next were friends
One day were lovers
The next we're in a war with eachother
One day you say "I love you"
The next "I hate you"
Do you really love me in the first place?



Plz Help i need critiquing

I think they're really good. Just remember that it is something that you like to do. Just like drawing a picture, there is no right or wrong way to it. It is just you. I know my poems are a way for me to get my emotions out.

The Day Our Eyes Met
Was the day we fell in love.
That was also the day you broke my heart
You and that slut
That stupid blonde
With those beautiful eyes
Well your so done
Your out
Your gone
Im Out
Your so gay
Your so wrong
Your so stupid
She'll use you and leave you wanting more
She already has another
Now you know how I feel
I would've fallen out of the sky for you
Be the fallen angel in love with a demon
But no
You fell for that wench
That slut
That user
And left me in the cold.
Pfft stuff like this just gets so damn old
Im done with loving you.



Dark-thank you ^^

Do you really know me?
Do you know everything I said i loved to do
Or do you know the me that
You want me to be
I wish you could see me for who i am
Its not on the outside whats important
Its the inside
Do you know the real me
Who
Likes to draw and play like you do
Or do you know the one who tries to please you 24/7
Do you know the me who likes music and jokes like you do
Or do you know the one who "bitches" to much
Do you know the one that cries over anything involving you
Or do you know the heartless one
I hope you know the real me
Not the untrustworthy one you think every girl to be
I'm not like your es
I never will be as heartless
I wont use you
I would never let you hurt yourself
I would never be mean or insult you unless it was a joke
We do get in fights
But thats because you dont trust me.
The real me.
I understand
You have changed from the person you used to be
I guess it was for me
You tell me you never want to lose me
You always want me
To be me
But i wonder
IF
You know the Real me
Not the one you think i might be



I am an individual
A person
Not a clone
You expect me to be like you
A follower
A person controled by your leader
I lead myself
And I never will follow your ways



Kind little kitten
You've been lost
Stuck in a mitten
My lost little kitten

My lost little kitten
Fell into the lake
We will miss my dear kitten
Until daybreak

My lost little kitten
Washed up on a shore
Freezing it paws
Until when she walked she was sore

My lost little kitten
Warmed in the sun
Soon to be followed
By a fox on the run

My lost little kitten
Ran for her life
The fox filled her with frieght

My lost little kitten
Ran on a boat
Where it floated
Off the dock

My lost little kitten
Walked its way off
Went Down the street
Saw our dog with a bone
Ran to the house and had found her way home

Our little kitten
Walked over to her bed
Then laid her head
On the pillow
And
Went to sleep
Thinking of the adventures of the past week

Do you want an honest to god crit or just some cute comment lieing to you that your poetry's actually "good"?

If it's the second one, I'll just leave this thread now...

If it's the first, I'll edit this one and we'll start from the beginning with the basics.

Originally Posted by Lovers Never Tell

Do you want an honest to god crit or just some cute comment lieing to you that your poetry's actually "good"?

If it's the second one, I'll just leave this thread now...

If it's the first, I'll edit this one and we'll start from the beginning with the basics.

Actually i really dont care. If its just how you see my poetry then okay ^^. No need to be so crude. I wouldn't mind right to the point critique at all. Say what you mean. The truth lies in the eyes of the reader and it depends on who it is. Critique away.

I like it, bravo! :yes:
You have good hand of poetry.

As I sit here
the moonlight casts a shadow on my face
I look into the crystal mirror we call the ocean
I miss you
They sent you to war
That wretched place, that sucks the life from all who go there
I looked into the open water
Hoping you would return, The man I loved, cherished, and respected as my equal

Yet that dream never came true
I had gotten the awful news about how your ship had capsized in the crystal waters I call home
I cried that night
And every night after
I went out to the dock every single night after that
Still hoping that the news was in fact not true.
I died many years later by being malnourished and depressed.
Waiting for you.
My spirit still wanders, standing at the dock
Waiting for my love to someday return home.


You touch my face,
I blush ever so slightly
You love me
I love you
The day came where we had to say goodbye
The sun
Ever so slightly warms the air as I fall asleep
Under the tree where we used to lay
And look at the stars
The shining beings in the neverending sky
I may be young but I understand
My place in this world
Unlike my elders who struggle to find their place
Same with the younger ones who play games and pass the time
I wish i was that age again
So i may tend to think differently
Yet that could never happen.
I would have saved our relationship.
Our love, our happyness
Instead of helping to rot it all away
Like the trash you think i am now.
My parents hate me
My friends envy me
The ones I hate
I suspect want to be me
Yet I want to fit in be them.
I wish upon a star
That one day i will understand why you left
Why they hate me
And for some reason what im doing here on earth

Well, we'll start with this one first then, I suppose.


As my music flows from my mindThis is pretty boring stuff... Why kind of music? Why from your mind and not some where else?
Their is that special creative place for all of us to findReally? No kidding...
You may like to draw, to writeI'm stopping here... this is...
Its your own tune to control, To know the purpose
To know what to love
What to hate
What to change
What we all hold dear
Will come out.



Alight... So it's bad. Just straight up bad. Why? You can write all you please, but this is... nothing. This is more like something you half-assed in school because it was assigned and then thought you had some talent when it handed back with an A. You have no poetic devices what-so-ever. No sense of really anything worth reading... it's a nice beginning, but no where near done. You can turn this into so much more just by expanding the ideas and using metaphors, similies, imagery. Poetry, contrary to popular belief, is not just to let your feelings out, but it's an ART and should be done in an ARTFUL way.

This is like drawing a stick figure and calling it a masterpiece. Give your poem direction. Tell me what kind of hate or love or why they may want to change things. This is YOUR poem, not the readers'. YOU give this life. YOU give it meaning. YOU'RE suppose to tell the reader what and how to think about it while giving them leway to come up with their own interpritation, ya know?

I suggest... highly suggest, if you are to keep writing, and you should, read other poets stuff. Learn the poetic devices; maybe even a couple different forms. Just don't let this one back critique stop you. Someone had to say it, otherwise you'd never get better. Even I need critiques and I've been writing for 9 years.

Originally Posted by Lovers Never Tell

Well, we'll start with this one first then, I suppose.


As my music flows from my mindThis is pretty boring stuff... Why kind of music? Why from your mind and not some where else?
Their is that special creative place for all of us to findReally? No kidding...
You may like to draw, to writeI'm stopping here... this is...
Its your own tune to control, To know the purpose
To know what to love
What to hate
What to change
What we all hold dear
Will come out.



Alight... So it's bad. Just straight up bad. Why? You can write all you please, but this is... nothing. This is more like something you half-assed in school because it was assigned and then thought you had some talent when it handed back with an A. You have no poetic devices what-so-ever. No sense of really anything worth reading... it's a nice beginning, but no where near done. You can turn this into so much more just by expanding the ideas and using metaphors, similies, imagery. Poetry, contrary to popular belief, is not just to let your feelings out, but it's an ART and should be done in an ARTFUL way.

This is like drawing a stick figure and calling it a masterpiece. Give your poem direction. Tell me what kind of hate or love or why they may want to change things. This is YOUR poem, not the readers'. YOU give this life. YOU give it meaning. YOU'RE suppose to tell the reader what and how to think about it while giving them leway to come up with their own interpritation, ya know?

I suggest... highly suggest, if you are to keep writing, and you should, read other poets stuff. Learn the poetic devices; maybe even a couple different forms. Just don't let this one back critique stop you. Someone had to say it, otherwise you'd never get better. Even I need critiques and I've been writing for 9 years.

I appreciate it.. Plus that poem was from 2007 just to say, alot of people liked it. So I just thought i'd put it here. I read poetry alot more than anything else, and ive only been writing for 3 years. But may i ask why you write such crude critiques some writers may take it the wrong way. so to say. (excluding me i like the help) but i think being to straight foward is bad also. (pm if you hav a problem with what i say even though i dont mean it in a bad way) I feel as though you crush the writers dream while also giving them hope to move on with it yet also crushing hope, while some may take is as a learning experiance and move on. (im just talking about sensitive people). I respect your critiquing and i like a select few of your poems. Therefore i shall say no more.

p.S.I like the second poem in your collective, very ....very story-ish (in a good way)

Okay, here's what I have to say: You obviously like to write and that's always a good thing. Think about what inspired you to write each of those poems. Obviously, that's what you're trying to get across to us, as readers. Using metaphors, analogies, imagery, etc. is very helpful when trying to get your point/picture across. In one of your poems, you said "the crystal mirror we call the ocean". That was nice. It started forming a picture in my mind. As the writer, your poetry is your own. Everyone has their own style. I've been writing for 10 years and can still write a poem, go back later, and change things about it. Poetry is, in my opinion, the hardest form of writing to critique because one person might love it, then another person may hate it. It just depends on what the reader gets out of it. But it is up to you to make sure you get across what we need to know. You could try taking a creative writing class or something to that effect. Look up poetry devices online if you have to. Those things can help you. It's good that you take constructive criticism well. A lot of writer's don't, even when they ask for it. But definitely continue writing! As long as you enjoy it, learning more about it can only do you good :)

The reason I crit the way I do is becuase I was critiqued the same when I started. Writing, if you're serious, is a very hard thing to get into. It's extremely difficult to always come up with new things of explaining the same thing over and over and over. It sucks, basically. And I have come to find that while people may like to write, they're not serious about it and just want the praise or attention that comes with writing their so-called poetry. I also want to teach people what it is to really write something profound. What you learn in school is not all there is to know. So, unless the person is serious, then why write at all and then get all pissy about it even though I gave the person exactly what they wanted?

I often say in my crits that I don't mean this as a way to discourage them from writing at all. It is what it is though. I got torn apart everytime I posted something. Even now I get that and it's what I need to be reminded that my shit doesn't smell like roses; especially since I'm fixing to be published here soon, hopefully. lol.

But... You can go on through life trying to make something of yourself with this or be "good" with just ass pats and always getting "oh, that's so pretty" all the time, because it's not. I guess... I just took it on from my mentors and it also didn't help that when I started critiquing two years ago, that even when I was as nice as could be, I still got bitched out because I told them they needed work.


Make sense?

And thank you! If you have any comments on what you think could be changed on any of them, they'd be greatly appreciated!

Originally Posted by Lovers Never Tell

The reason I crit the way I do is becuase I was critiqued the same when I started. Writing, if you're serious, is a very hard thing to get into. It's extremely difficult to always come up with new things of explaining the same thing over and over and over. It sucks, basically. And I have come to find that while people may like to write, they're not serious about it and just want the praise or attention that comes with writing their so-called poetry. I also want to teach people what it is to really write something profound. What you learn in school is not all there is to know. So, unless the person is serious, then why write at all and then get all pissy about it even though I gave the person exactly what they wanted?

I often say in my crits that I don't mean this as a way to discourage them from writing at all. It is what it is though. I got torn apart everytime I posted something. Even now I get that and it's what I need to be reminded that my shit doesn't smell like roses; especially since I'm fixing to be published here soon, hopefully. lol.

But... You can go on through life trying to make something of yourself with this or be "good" with just ass pats and always getting "oh, that's so pretty" all the time, because it's not. I guess... I just took it on from my mentors and it also didn't help that when I started critiquing two years ago, that even when I was as nice as could be, I still got bitched out because I told them they needed work.


Make sense?

And thank you! If you have any comments on what you think could be changed on any of them, they'd be greatly appreciated!

Lol. xD i understand so perfectly. I had that done to me all the time. Yeah lol i critiqued some work at my school omg it was horrible i was nice and still i got the "bird flipping" xD.

Oh yeah and your poems hmmm some of them sound weird and skips i forget which one but you make it sound good so i guess there is no room for fixing since it still sounds great. Hopefully you do get published soon. ^^.

Soon: more poems

When: IDK

why: ID hav time to post ^^ that much. i will soon though

We all know of death
As the fire from hell burns across crystal waters
We call home
We scream and cry and run for cover
But we cant hide from the demons inside
The eat us from the inside out
Look into the cascade of fire arms
The fire from afar
See they place we call home
Burning
Burning infront of our eyes
We cant fight the demons
The demons
With there fangs and scythes
There Black eyes, the crystal pools that look into your soul
The kill with one strike
Killing everthing and everyone in sight
The ones we loved and cherished
The ones we hated and wished death upon
The animals we helped from dying
They drag your soul to hell for eterninty
We all will die tonight from these demons
The Fire comes closer
Closer to you
It burns your skin as your cornered in your house
You scream
And scream
You try to escape
But.....
You burn and burn your skin peels off your face
Your legs and arms burn to ash
Your still alive somehow
The demons come from below
Grab your soul
Then take you down to hell
Where you belonged
In the first place



The things we call "home"
Is just a joke
The litle homes with the happy families
Smiling the fake smiles
"Loving" one another
Why cant I have a family
That loves and cherishes me
That hugs me
And loves me
In a nice home with embroided table cloths
And nice antiques
A father and a mother
Together
As a family
Thats all I want
A "Home"
A "Family"
A "Place"
To call my own.


Feelings held inside
You my lover cast aside
We should say goodbye


Lost little kitty
My little lost kitty cat
You died from the moon


My love is so sweet
Like a sugery treat
My love is so true
Like the lies that were never told
My love is like the stars and the moon
Like shining eyes with a cast of a crystal
My love is like A mother and a baby
A bond that never breaks
My love is like a church
God is what we cherish to all of his worth
My love is so great
You'll know its like a chain that could never break

My heart is a concert
It sings out loud
On a really big stage
To cast a sound
The lights so bright
The chairs all empty
Except one
You sit there
And listen
To my heart sing of the love
The very love I had the first day I met you


:love: lol okie :offtopic:

Back on topic lol.

You really, REALLY need to use proper grammar. It not only helps others take you seriously, but it also seperates one thought from another allowing it easier to follow what you're thinking.

And a lot of them seem to "skip". It's the style of writing used.

@ Mewni - ( Post #15)

"Feelings held inside
You my lover cast aside
We should say goodbye"

Very simple, yet meaningful. If one gives this poem some thought, they would realize that it has many meanings. That results from many sistuaions in life, in my opinion... I guess I'm just babblling... >.<