Ive been working on this poem for a couple of weeks now. There are a lot of things about it that Im not happy about and Im looking for helpful criticisms. No flamers please.

This is the first part of an ongoing story and Im also facing a little writers block as to where to continue in the next chapter.

Mariela's crux

On May days eve her her thirst begun
Mariela's eye's first set on him
And from this lust ambition sprung
Prince Sigmund's heart the prize to win

But how could this plain and gawky girl
Have chance to gain a love so fair
No wealth, no blood, no land to share
Such hopelessness must breed despair

But young hearts know no other way
How could she rest with aching heart
She must find a way to draw his gaze
Then guide his heart from crown away

She joined the choir and for months she trained
Her voice to shame the sweetest lark
For to lull the hearts of men she'd heard
Serenade them at night's stillest dark

So late at night his wall she scaled
And spied his window from yonder slope
Then waited for the still to fall
Heart racing like the antelope

Then midnight fell and all drew still
She crept to his window hopes aflame
First calmed her heart then lungs she filled
And with lilting sweetness called his name

A minute past, no response drew
She called again but knew her blunder
This prince sleeps deep this plan is through
And so she fled, her hopes asunder

Not beaten yet, she schemed for days
Then sung with joy when light dawned on her
She'd learn a trade that would amaze
And impress her love with crafty awe

And so she built a wheel and loom
Practiced for months, her goal clear in mind
Till she could weave the light from the moon
The finest tapestries that one could find

Then with ware's under arm, She set went to mart
To make for herself a name in this art
She set up her stool, to show of her work
When a cart raced past, splashed them with dirt

Yet still she dreamed and planed instead
To feed his lust with tempting dance
And so she sought the gypsy girls
And begged them teach her how they twirl

They taught her this and more you see
For gypsies pity those in love
And soon she moved like a gazelle
As graceful as the birds above

Soon the village fete drew close
There's be prizes for the fairest maid
And the prince would always stay to dance
And here she felt her chance was made

Then came the day she'd planed so well
She'd saved her coins and bought her dress
And decorated it with painted shell's
A frock of beauty bound to impress

And sure enough all men's heads turned
The woman whispered, the young girls scorned
But where was the prince? For whom she' adorned
In foreign lands is what she soon learned

And so she wept for nights on end
No console from family or friend
Could sooth her broken heart you see
For her hopes were lost inside a dream

Yet youth is strong and though pain intense
Mariela's hopes remained immense
So surely another way must lie
To save her dream, not let it die

But what else could this poor girl do
What could realize this love so true
And how could she show her faithful heart
When class divided them so far apart

Though very young this girl was wise
And soon she came came to realize
That her elders knew of many things
And some there were that spoke to kings

The wisest in the land she'd heard
Was Yaga Sorren of the marsh
But care be paid when seeking her
For a witches temper could be harsh

But young hearts pay no heed to trials
One early morn she begun the quest
She'd seek Yaga's aid at any cost
Face any trial, pass any test

And after many days of search she found
On the other side of the black forest
A land with soft and sodden ground
The marsh to which the witch was bound

By the twilight's fall she found the hag
Approached her timid, pale and awed
And greeted Yaga of the marsh
Pleaded in her arts be schooled

First Yaga smiled, Then through her teeth
Laughter sprang, her body shook
Taking Mariela's hand she spoke
And truths upon the girl bequeathed

For many months Mariela stayed
And learned the crafts of knot and chant
Of how to tie a heart to yours
Do many things that us folk cant

But when her studies reached an end
Yaga revealed the price to pay
For nothing comes for free this day!
The witch had ill's that could not mend



In the next chapter Mariela must make a decision that puts her soul at jeopardy but Im of two minds as to making this dark and tragic or whether to give her a happy ending.

You decide for me.