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Nervous to Post My Work. Going to do it anyway.
Most of this was already posted in my LiveJournal. But since no one reads that, I really have no decent gauge on how bad my writing really is.
I'm open to critique, but please make it constructive and helpful. I want to get better. :3 NOTE (once again): These have all been posted on my livejournal. So please don't think that I'm stealing these from anywhere. I Told The Moon My Secrets I told the moon my secrets and she kept them locked away. She held all of my troubles and let me live again. She never told a soul about how I felt that night nor would she ever let it slip. I told the moon my secrets and she kept them locked away. I confessed my darkest actions but she just looked at me and smiled. She never tried to judge me or tell me I was wrong. She merely nodded and listened all night. I told the moon my secrets and she kept them locked away. I'll never regret telling my story to the one who would always believe me. She never tried to blame me for what happened here or there. She just let me tell my tale and kept her lips sealed. I told the moon my secrets because I trusted no one else. And every night I see her shining down on me, I can't help but smile because I know that she knows me better than anyone on this earth. Written while contemplating calling a friend back The same words come pouring onto paper every time your face haunts my thoughts. mistake. You were my mistake. I was your mistake. Giving you up was mine I just often wonder what yours was. happy. Was I really that happy? Were you ever happy with me? Were you happy with the idea of me? laughter. You still make me laugh more than anyone else ever will. music. That song you wrote just for me. I never got to hear it. Do you still remember it? Or has it become hers now? tears. I never let you know how badly it hurt to pick up the phone that night. I never want you to find that out. hope. There is no hope left for me. But you've got your whole future ahead of you. Don't waste time lingering on me. perfection. You were perfect. and now that I see your flaws you're even more so. want. I want a lot of things for you. to you. with you. but I can only want your happiness and want it to spread to me someday. I think I'll call tomorrow. Untitled 9/15 That magical hour How many wishes have been spent whispering your name Praying that you might hear my voice on the wind and feel that strange stir in your blood in your heart in your head I only hope that one day you hear you hear and you know what I mean when I say I need you with me When I whisper your name When I want your arms around me Perhaps that magic hour can carry all I feel on some cloud of emotion to you And that you might one day waste a wish or two on me. New Poem From Graduation. Not one of my better works, but I felt I should post something new xD; A bit of closure just backfired on me. (5-15-2010) Your eyes wide as saucers as I walked across the room A quiet stammer that huge smile I love and a hug to crush my confidence all before you walked across the stage. After the pomp after fighting my way to see you before running away to a life without you. You catch me. Hold me. Whisper in my ear like the way things used to be. Her eyes flash. But I smile and say "Congratulations! He's told me so much about you." A catty sniff and she walks away. But you don't notice. Too blinded by the thrill of me in your arms. to see that she doesn't want me anywhere near you. And just when I thought I could tell you good bye. One more hug and your lips. those God forsaken lips press against my forehead. An anointment of trust. Of care. Of something so real so true so damn raw between us that it stings. And with that smile breathtaking and pure you whisper "I'm so glad you're here." And for a fleeting moment I am too. A brief selection. All of the rest can be found under the "read more" link in my signature. I hope that you enjoyed it, or at least didn't hate it enough to vomit. |
Bravo! ^^ I like "I Told the Moon My Secrets" one the best! It was really fluid and read well =)
The last poem wasn't so fluid, but the idea and the words chosen where perfect! ^^ Keep up the good work =D |
Thank you very much! :)
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I agree that "I Told The Moon My Secrets" was the best. :) Very good! I thought the moon idea was cute, and the poem was very well written. Kudos to you! ^_^
Read my poetry too, will ya? Thanks!^_- |
Amazing. You are A LOT of a better poet than me. Where did you get the idea for the moon one?
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@Bethany (WHICH IS TOTALLY MY NAME OMGOSH =3):
Thank you!! :3 Most of my poetry is based on what's going on in my life at the time. The Moon poem was written randomly as I was walking around the park one night, contemplating my deepest darkest secrets. Then I wrote them all on a piece of paper and floated it down river. :3 |
Personally, I liked the second one the best. It just spoke to me, and made my heart hurt a little. In a good way.
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@ Tate Icasa: I'm glad you enjoyed it. :D
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LOL NEW POEM IN THE TOP BOX. ;D
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New poem:
This is What Play-doh Gets Me Soft and cold in my hands rolling slowly every bump melting away. the slow motions taking my mind back to a place where bumps and bruises and heartache and sadness were fixed with a simple roll and twist of the wrist. and everything was better. Smooth and silky the scent of something innocent assails my senses and causes the water behind my eyes the salt on my brain to spill forth enough to make me feel ashamed. alone. and enough to smash that soft perfect ball into the table and leave it to dry to shrivel and harden and slowly disappear. |
Head swimming
eyes blinking away harsh light morning coming through the blinds th room glows with goldsharp light harshbright of a morning that shouldn't be. Sitting up shaking softly eyes dart around the room Familiar clothes and familiar walls and worst yet familiar face beside her. Breathing heavy sleeping soundly goldendustlight on his lashes his thoughts drift along the current of sleep while a tempest rages beside him. "Do I wait?" The thought sounds absurd ridiculous too perfect for this mistake Cold air and pale skin goosebumps form as the fan circles around the rhythmic click the sound of seconds minutes passing by. And the only things she notices are the hairs on his chin his chest the freckles on his arms and she knows she has done wrong. She can't help but wonder what his eyes will do when they see her sitting on the edge of his bed. A bite on her shoulder a bruise a scratch but she thinks "What a mess I must look." as she stares down at her hands and smiles. soft steps on hardwood and with the quietest sigh the door shuts tight and whispers "good night." to the only mistake that became a regret. |
New as of July 12.
Hearts Can Cry Without Shedding Tears, Lad. He wasn't mine in the first place. What right do I have to lay claim to something so precious. so glorious so perfect. No right at all. Not even when my thoughts are of nothing save for his arms. Or my dreams of his face keep me longing for sleep His words flooding over me bringing a tear to my eye My heart beats only with the hopes that he will be there and he will My tongue sings only of his praises My very bones ache with desire and that stupid worthless emotion of something far greater than I can ever hope for. And who has the right to contain that? Not I. |
I must say you have wonderful talent, You should be proud of your work! You have an interesting way of portraying feeling...."I told the moon my secrets" and "this is what play-doh gets me" are my favorites... they both really speak to me on a personal level.
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@ Fushigi: Thank you very much!
I'm glad you enjoyed them. :3 |
New-ish.
Wide eyed and terrified your shaking hands rattle my soul pressure mounting as cold sweat drips down into the pool of doubt my heart starts to flood as you press against me harder Fear absorbs the doubt and trust until my body has shriveled to nothing And even has you try and try and try to calm to show me just how much you care Words ring in my ears. whore and slut and easy and too fast and worthless and I almost said no. But harsh light broke our vows made in the darkness and reality snapped back into place with a laugh and a kiss and the feeling of my heart breaking into a million pieces of dust. My knees began to shake and my heart ceased to thump and the mind numbing fear of everything I risked breaks me down to nothing but a scared little girl. |
I love your poem "I told the moon my secrets" One of the best I have read in a while.
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@fishyfey: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoy it!
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I personally could probably never have even matched you, even at my prime of poetry. (which isn't saying much)
I am somewhat depressed recently, I have no spark inside me to create anymore, my imagination feels stunted. Truly your writing makes me somewhat jealous. |
new poem written in my poetry writing class. Various forms and topics were to be explored. I wrote a 3 page long poem about being a bisexual girl scout.
the link for all those interested in my progression. it's a bit more narrative in approach than my others here. the karp pond |
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