I love your first line, "America is full of ironies." That's beautiful. But the other language and ideas need to be fine-tuned just a bit. Do you like to read poetry? For some reason your poem seemed to be an interesting mix of Ginsberg's "America" (sure you know that one, but if you don't,
here it is) and (and moreover) Denise Levertov's "
Hypocrite Women." Take a look at the second poem, you will find a sister thought.
It's such an important idea you're writing about, very powerful. Levertov's poem talks to the same kind of hypocrite women you speak about--the ones that grow thicker in despair because we are not thin "twigs" or "sticks." I would say, however, to ditch this language of "sticks." It seems (for me) to be putting the women in the grasp of media and frenzy--the "sticks"--under the bus, so to speak. Women should stick together, so the message should not be an "us vs them" mentality of worshiping the sticks. We do not worship sticks, we worship the image that the media casts of sticks, their glamorous, beautiful life, when we know they are sick and scared, as we are. Your first notion was right, to turn the lens back on America and American culture and values, and not on the women, who are more or less pawns of the media and do not need more derisive campaigns against them.
Overall, good work--a very solid poem. Continue on with it! :)
