Identity Fallout

I need someplace to get away
from half-guessed truths and condemnations
omissions and empty, awkward pauses
where the adjectives I know are true and the ones I am allowed to use refuse to mesh
this is an unacceptable state, an unstable limbo
it is supported only by silence
by the arguments I dare not speak
and recriminations uttered in jest by those who fail to believe in an impossibility

this is what I am
and by acknowledging myself I acknowledge the world

I am failing to hold up my head
because casual words can halt me in my tracks
with another vocabulary, they deny us our identity
we are confused, we are incapable of falling in love
my love withers in the face of all that
and I lock it away in that deep, dark, secret place
protect and nurture and oh it grows in me and I love
I love people for people, for their own sake

love is never wrong
only the expression thereof is at fault

but look, they refuse us
they are stuck in their own closed minds
I think thoughts too big to contain and watch them drift away
those who lack imagination see me dancing in starlight and wonder
but I know who I am

for today, that is enough



Social Programming

look back across the years to the time before I was fully formed
a piece of a person made of clay
soft then, harder now - drying and set in my ways, I'm almost finished
look back at the moments that solidify me, I am not real without them

a heart that was not broken but returned, a simple ruination left unnoticed
relationships like popcorn on a string, tasteless and unfilling, stretch on to a useless conclusion:
boys are pretty but ultimately worthless, I can only coexist with them distantly

two steps behind the world while I'm growing so much inside
I'm socially inept and while my mind understands, it's hard to accept

and I watch from the sidelines, the coordinated masses as they dance and sway
hanging onto my dignity, I develop a penchant for watching
an unhealthy voyeuristic tendency (look but don't touch)
a self-destructive habit, perhaps

I never really learn

here is a broken photograph
a black and white representation of me
a permanent record of petty mistakes
I am defined by every breath I take

ones and zeroes march across a screen
and, oh, I wouldn't change one digit
not one word
not one second



midlife suspension

i think i was interrupted, somewhere, somewhen
my development arrested, water added to my clay
my dreidel flattens as it spins
keeping me half-formed, unformed, unconventional
and swirling, my thoughts are poured into a mold
the form doesn't stick, like liquid i melt and overflow
i feel as a watched cauldron and unwatched i boil away
cookie-cutter people cut of worn out cloth don't see
their rigid uniformity reminds me (i am unstructured)
i hold together in their sight
but when they look away i come apart and fold like origami
i turn inside out
the heart on my sleeve lies, stutters
fails to beat and here i pause
i am a domino waiting to fall
waiting for my moment, waiting for a push
i hold my breath and scatter in the wind
this constant motion remind me (i am directionless)
i am left behind, on the sidelines, at the wayside
and out the corners of their eyes, they see
for a fraction of a second
i am something beautiful and new and
i dance among the stars
the cold of the space between holds me together
and i shatter into a hundred pieces
shards of me falling back to the earth
a vast emptiness convulses and
we coalesce, but i am fractured, fragmented
i hold a crowd within myself and without myself i am alone
with nothing left to hold me up, i fall
and dance with fireflies

Simply beautiful.

Your vocabulary makes my heart go *DOKIDOKIDOKI*

Thank you!
Here are a few more, I'll put them in this post to avoid double posting.

Grace

I could hold this world in my hands and feel the tides like a heartbeat
and I could crush this world in my hands and wring the water out like the blood of
a sacrifice I'd turned away from in shame of my race

and I could spin this world like a ball atop my fingers
faster and faster until the clouds fly away into space
tears of a broken world trying not to heal itself

and I could throw this world into the sun and burn the sky away and
evaporate the oceans and dissolve the earth in flame
a proper sterilization of a decadent race

and I could put out the sun and let the ice wash the world
leave it clean of life and let snow settle on the surface unbroken

and I could pull this world in two and let each part circle the other
barren twins with nothing to hold them together but gravity

and I could turn this world upside down and shake all the people off and leave the rest alone
spinning off around the sun with no one to observe the difference

and I could stop this world in its tracks and let inertia do the rest
cities and countries colliding into each other

and one day when I was a young god
I looked at this world and decided, yes
it probably deserved all that I could do to it
but I would hold this world in my hands like a diamond and keep it free from harm


Faith Like A Fairytale

here we are at the end of the world, walking on eggshells
and speaking in whispers that don't carry farther than the
one last gasp of breath we breathe when we look at the sun
replaced by a moon suspended on strings of stars
here we are at the end of the world, pretending to be a child
crying itself to sleep and dreaming of once upon a times
when fairytale magic and faith were enough to hold off the thunder
and men the size of mountains could catch lightning in their hands
here we are at the end of the world, telling our bedtime stories
trying not to believe in elves and dwarves and faeries
and all the things that go bump in the night
(so I always had a healthy fear of the tooth faery
creeping through the night collecting teeth)
and all the things that go bump in the night
oh, here we are at the end, singing a lullaby to the world
here we are at the end of the world, holding on to our faith
here we are on our merry-go-round
letting life run it's course and dust gather in corners
and we sit here at the end of the world
and smile and nod at the lunatics and beaurocrats
and laugh and dance and try not to cry
here we are at the end of the world, at the end of the fucking world
and here we can sit forever and wait for the world to end
and here we try not to die for just a moment longer
and here we
dream of once upon a time
and dream of fairytale magic
and dream of faith that saved the world


A Modern Day Fairytale

This is not an ordinary fairytale
about a princess in a tower, unable to escape
and a knight in shining armour slaying dragons
it doesn't have a wicked witch, and, of course
the most important difference is it also doesn't have
a simple happily ever after
because the world just doesn't work that way

This story isn't over when the damsel is saved
and a knight is only a knight if there's also a kingdom
this girl doesn't need a hero, she's an independent woman
she can rescue herself
and her knight in shining armour is a fraud

There are chinks in his armour, but
chinks really means gaping holes and armour is
synonymous with cover story, these days

He is annoyed that she doesn't swoon
and she claims he gets in her way

So it's a bit more complicated, this modern
day fairytale we're telling
because the wicked witch he's meant to kill
seduced him and the dragon was insured and
now he's tangled up in courts and laws and
he's paying the princess alimony and
he's out of a job because:

There is no room of knights and rusting armour in
this Brave New World and when you put it that way
doesn't it sound sad?


Here Are Lives We Didn't Live

Here are the ghosts of the mistakes we made
sitting invisible and patient, just out of sight
beyond the shadows and the echoes of our dead,
laying in wait until the ashes of tomorrow's sun
rain down and blanket the world in a flood of fires
and stretch the stars across the skies like streamers
dancing in a dream of seas and clouds that follow the
moon until the earth shakes itself to pieces

Here are the chances we didn't take
a million unworn paths stretching into eternity
each with a distant light shining like a beacon
at the end of that dark night, that dark tunnel
that never was and never will be
a landscape we could never pretend to paint and
freeze in an imagined memory and left
timeless and immortal to the untrained eyes which
look upon it as if it were more than a fairytale
populated by knights and princesses and witches
casting spells on their heads until that road into infinity ends

Here are the lies we didn't tell
those ugly, twisted ladies made of smoke and mirrors,
made of tar and feathers, wearing masks of gold and
silver melted from their bones and gloves of silk woven
from the hair of angels, dancing in between the words
and lines of poetry that spring from the mouths of the
young and the beautiful, who think they're in love and have
never had their hearts broken by the cruelty
of the lady wearing gray instead of black or white

Here are the memories we never made
and here are the vows that we never said
and here are the kisses we never shared
and here are the children we never raised and
the pets we never named and the rings we never
bought and the clothes we never wore
and the wine we never drank
here, then, is the grave and the headstone
here is the future we held in our hands and will never have again


Where There Are No Lines

here where there are no lines
I sit inside and scream myself awake
falling up from the valley
I'm lost in a crowd of faces without names
and I myself am
an echo without a voice
a shadow on an empty wall
in this place made of sketches filled with
half-erased people and ghosts
like dust caught in a beam of sunlight
where I sit and watch myself
in reflections on a broken mirror
and I watch another half-empty vessel waiting to be filled
walking down an empty street and
waving as the cars go by
full of ghosts shaking hands with corpses wearing
three piece suits and working every day
in cities made of glass and bone that sparkle in the sun
and every night they scream themselves to sleep
and crawl into their boxes
and wait here for the moonlight and the stars to drive them mad
like monsters waiting in the dark
we are acquainted with the night and
wrapped up in velvet skies
those cloaks of obscurity we hide behind
those invisible walls and we see lines here in the sand
holding us back and we forget in the end
that patience is a virtue and we rush on
and I myself am
a beam of sunlight caught in a spiderweb
I am leaves scattered in the winds of time
a fly frozen in amber blinks and
the world passes it by
but I just sit inside and when I run
I'll trip over clouds and learn to fly

*tempted to start reading them and gets distracted* I'll read them later. its not my fault mai and tain went poetry by the way. I swear. ....was them right? and not the other twins?

Ever think of putting them in a book? They're all great, the wording and imagery are brillant. Yet, they make you think as well.

@Shadami: Yeah, it was Mai and Tain. They're the only ones who actually function as muses now, you . And I know it's not your fault. I blame CT. ^_^

@purplewaterbottle: I've thought about it. I just wouldn't know where to begin. I did a lot of work looking up how to get novels and short stories published, but when I was doing that I didn't think to look up where to send poetry.


And some more, to avoid double posting.
Graveyard Shift

Thoughts spilling onto a page
dancing through these fingertips and
stumbling over each other to form a concrete reality
building the foundation of another world
atop the rubble of the old
and through windows in this new wall
we glimpse cities paved with gold, spanning galaxies
constellations spinning through a void
a cosmic phonebook of
numbers we'll never know
laughing across the galaxy
we'll reach out to grab the stars and
they'll burn
of course they burn
twirling overtop the skies
we build our houses out of clouds
and fall through
(we bounce back)
playing games with planets and moons
we'd have learned something new today
still
our graves are lit up like -
well, they were stars


Suicide Note

Ground to a halt inside my brain
pen to paper, inspirationless
no story left to tell
I can't make myself be understood anymore
I'm sure I could, once upon a time
words are not enough
I think in the abstract
in another time I could show you how I think
but not yet
this poetry is easy, but has no substance
cottoncandy clouds, a sugary veil over an ordinary face
this sounds so deep but
really
it's all just pretentious BS
so
I feel as if my brain is going to explode when it's blank
it's so hard to unfocus my eyes, these days
life in the proverbial closet is less fun that you'd imagine
it's a bit like being the ant under the magnifying glass
so
I only feel real when living vicariously
well
we're all human underneath our skin, I think
but I'm so full of darkness
the sun doesn't rise inside my brain
my thought are wild and disconnected
hey, maybe this is my suicide note


Prossie's Song

As if butter wouldn't melt in your mouth, as they say
words falling off your silver tongue like honey
pooling to the ground in front of you
let me come along and jump in your puddle
splash your legs with dirty lies
don't give me that nasty look, if it hadn't been me
it might have been that truck barrelling toward us
it isn't like this water stains
these sugar-coated bits of air
sweet nothings that you whispered
come on
let's go back to my place and get drunk
you can kick me out at midnight, if you want
I'll be your soot-covered Cinderella
I don't mind playing the discarded princess
so long as you keep plying me with little lies
a pied piper for us ladies of the night
oh, we'll follow you anywhere
if you wave enough cash around, you can afford anything you want
you can afford anyone you want
so long as you're discrete
no neon signs declaring your intent
simple strategy for carrying on this affair
it's not quite a deception
this lie of omission
does your mother know where you go when you stay out late at night?
I can't imagine you've told her
but somehow I think she knows
mothers know everything, after all
and they have eyes on the back of their heads
don't you know all these old wives tales?
or is it that you don't listen to your wife
as well you don't screw her
when you come to me
voice so smooth and lovely
whispering your false promises
drawing us into your web
I can feel this trap ready to spring
our stained glass illusion is ready to shatter into reality
alcohol and cement backdrop
painted in the blood of slit wrists
what a world we live in, sir
where this commonplace crime goes unreported
oh, your mistake won't go unnoticed or unpunished
you forget, God has a cruel sense of humour
you'll drown in your ocean of lies
before long


Poison
There is poison here, in the space between us
heavy in the air
choking my lungs
a suffocating darkness creeping in around the edges
each word dripping off my tongue like honey
poison falling from my lips again
I'm a parrot, repeating your lies by rote
(I don't know any better)
oh, the truth never tasted this sweet
a bitter serum, honesty, and sour
puckering mouths until no sound can escape
not even a whisper
I'm gagging on one of those Truths
screaming silent in a cage inside my head
see me! here I am!
turned the other cheek for them and
it's a poisoned wound that cannot heal
a secret scar that no one else can see
my heartbeat, pulsing to a different drum
and this poison that I'm drinking
I can't wait to stab you in the back with it
like you've done so many times before
this game of cat and mouse
chased across a chessboard
(I can't remember, which side was mine?)
playing opposite you is taking a toll on my
heavy limbs and my
tired eyes, I'm falling asleep or
I've gone into shock, this time
oh, this poison is eating me alive
when nothing is left of who I used to be
I'll shed this complacent outer skin
this passive plastic face I've learned to wear
something new will shine through
bright and brilliant, or
a dark potential
I can already see that end result
a body count and mine among them
it's your move, now, go on
push me past my line in the sand
I dare you
this poisoned quicksand will swallow me up
the walls of this cavern are too steep to climb out now
this thread isn't strong enough to hold us both up
and I'm afraid of taking you with me when I fall
so let them lock me in their white-walled cages
I could be content to rest there for a while
I will not sing for you but
I'll clip my wings before I fly too far
well, I won't conform to non-conformity
blank faced, I'm rebelling in my own way
and I've gotten rather good at painting masks that don't stick
when the lights go out
I'm not shouting at you
don't you see?
I'm not shouting at you!
so judge me if you have to
but I don't want to hear about it when I'm lurking in the shadows
when I'm fading
into
shadows


Oppressed Youth

Something stuck to my side when I went out
on the edge of my vision
can you see the spiderwebs
hanging onto the edge of existance?
the glue holding reality together is coming apart
that ball of yarn you think is unravelling
they knitted a sweater out of it
the old ladies did
a new-old universe
all its new laws and old flaws
but we wear it without choice
hating that design, but at least it keeps us warm
and we all fall in the same holes
slipping through the same cracks
society's forgotten we're a new generation
we require unrecycled rules
if they would hand over the reins of the world yesteryear
couldn't we do a better job at making today?
if we lie very still, maybe they won't notice that we never grew up


Moving On

I'm through with trying to fit in your boxes
I'm old enough to think for myself
present the facts, I'll draw my own conclusions
it's not connect the dots or colour by number anymore
(my mind works a thousand words a minute
so
my tongue can't keep up with it
I've muddled my words
because they are cumbersome and
I've confused myself again
repeat infinitum)
the labels you stamped on my head have faded
I'm through with letting you be the judge
I'm done with jumping through your hoops
please
wait a minute, let me finish
I'm not blaming you, I live vicariously too
but I think when the leaves fall
well, then this season is over
I want you to change the channel
because I can't be myself when I know you're watching
I can't grow up if you don't let me go
and I can't sit still and let my wings rot
(every time I've felt connected
when you weren't watching me
accepted
it's not that I want to be just another square
in a city of squares
I just don't want to be the only circle
that's safety in numbers, not mob mentality
you don't approve, I know)
well
I'm through with this pedestal you've put me on
I don't need this list of expectations
all your encouraging 'you can do it''s
(that's a lot of pressure
and you never said
'but it's okay if you don't')
now I'm failing you on purpose
this is my point:
I don't want what you want
I don't believe in meaningless loyalty
you have to earn that now (but not yet)
I won't follow you blindly now that I've opened my eyes
and if I don't agree with your word as law
if I don't agree with you on principle
well, I've sewn my mouth shut so I won't speak out
but I can build my own boxes now
and stuff you in them (maybe I can)
I'll be okay
I'll be fine


Boxes

I don't fit into your boxes
hey!
I don't fit into your boxes, now
here I am, sitting still
motionless while the world runs by
all grown up and moving on and
here I am, two steps behind
the world is spinning so
I think I've fallen off
hey!
I think I've fallen off the world, somewhere
slipped between the cracks
I didn't fit your double standard
didn't meet those expectations
those weren't my dreams
oh, I wanted to follow, but
too late now, and
society is coming apart at the seams
you know it in your frozen smiles
what you need most
eccentricity, a maverick
hey!
here I am, not fitting into your boxes


Three Months On
This one was written about my beautiful girlfriend. We're at eight months now, and counting.

falling into another deep dark hole of once upon a time when I knew I was in love
even before you were with me and I with you and
it was when we were with other people and then we were alone
I still knew, even then
I thought we could drown our sorrows in each other, maybe
but even in a once upon a time you were too good for me
out of my league
so I said nothing and we went on as we were
days and weeks we ran together but not together
and you were so free and beautiful

(and I knew and my friends knew
oh, I was so stuck on you)

I am no good on my own, I'm bad for myself
and lonely even in a crowd when
I am a half without another half
a single rather than a couple

my problem: I was and still am a traditional girl in a post-modern world
I expect the boy to do the asking but there is no boy with us and I was at a loss
stumbled over a precipice and found my feet on the other side
held my breath and started counting the days

one month

two months

three

Here's a few more:

Tenuous

don't cry
don't close your eyes
you'll miss it if you blink
so let's hold our eyes wide open
this is the moment we fell in love in
this is the moment we should have remained in
don't cry
don't close your eyes
maybe we can hold onto this
if we're very quiet and don't know we're watching
we can hold onto this moment a little bit longer, this time
oh, this repetition is killing me
everytime this moment comes we stumble
I recognize this illusion
don't cry
don't close your eyes
we can do this again and again
until we get it right
we should be able to hold onto this
so, hold my hands, it's okay
let's hold onto this feeling
let's not fall out of love this time
let's cry
let's close our eyes
let's


Scream

scream
at the top of your lungs
at the top of your voice
scream
watched by unseen eyes we're
stumbling in the dark, naked
falling (jumping) off of cliffs and
running into walls, head on
scream
this treadmill keeps on turning
like hamsters running in wheels we're
making all the same moves as last time
(making all the wrong moves this time)
it's like we haven't learned
scream
it's wrong to be amused here
it's wrong to be entertained by
this series of personal tragedies
and we watch our lives go by this way
and we laugh
and we cry
and we
scream


Reconciliation

Holding hand and hugging, and kisses on the cheek
are not the kind of thing that make most other girls' knees weak
but midnight chats by telephone
remind me that I'm not alone
and while I'm not really religious
I know it's serious business
and sexual relations don't at all come into play
so sitting next to someone when I am prepared to say
"I like you and you like me
it's plain for everyone to see
so we should date, please don't be late
I'll meet you here at half past eight
we'll go out for dinner."
won't make me a sinner
and though my love might be the same
in gender, age, and all but name
and hopes of marriage are quite dim
I will put my trust in Him
because I know my God is just
He will forgive my Earthly lust
and looking down from up above
will see me falling deep in love
and by His grace He might allow
a miracle to happen now


High School Sweethearts

Throwing shoes about
pot and pans rattling
echoes of a false promise
"til death do us part"
dancing around each other
a sham of a marriage
we're prancing fools
kissing in the dark
screaming curses with the rising sun
"bitch, bastard"
bruised and dented
what love once existed
it's changed it's colour now
our own fault, I guess
waiting never seemed right
just rushing into things
the romance never lasts
just shuffling about in our straightjackets
this insanity has glazed our eyes
blind, we found nothing where something should have been
our hearts are unbroken
we simply fell out of love


Imperfection

If I could describe this room perfectly
every imperfection of every pixel on this screen
I feel it would shatter into broken glass
If I could paint a perfect picture
indistinguishable from any photograph
I think it would melt away like wax or water
And it would be blood for paint
slashing my wrist when the inkwell runs dry
I'm a slave to the muse
that meing made of glass and light, standing over my shoulder
If I could sing a melody so perfectly
that every word flowed into the underlying tune
I feel it would be drowned out by static
If I could stand beside the ocean today
smelling the tangy salt wind
I think the sand would stick in my hair
Not that I'm complaining
que sera sera, and all that
live and let live
these flaws are what make the world go round


Domestic Demands

I want someone to hold my hand throughout the day
and tell me things will be okay
even when we both know it's a lie
*sigh*
I want candlelit dinners
to be wined and dined
to be branded as sinners
or. . .nevermind
I want whispered "I love you"s
and candy hearts
going shopping for shoes
pushing grocery carts
we'll have hour long phone calls
and slow dance at balls
and I want walks in moonlight
to make up after a little fight
a shoulder to sleep on when I'm tired
a snuggle on a couch
a calming presence when I'm wired
concern when I say "ouch"
I want staying in on Friday nights
lazy Sundays flying kites
snowball fights in the back yard
(this doesn't have to be so hard)
on my birthday I want to be spoiled
I want us to be a well oiled
machine
I want to be seen
as half of a couple
and have sextuple
admirers waiting
I want to have a chance at dating


Nox Noctis

Here, now, watch the logical progression be worked out
We can go from this point to that with no discernible transition
Yet, even as we change our roles we perfect our masks
And work to protect ourselves from the prying eyes of the world
This, then, is where we make our final stand apart
So that when we leave together none dare to say it odd
And if we're never apart again, I think I can live with that
As long as we can be out of sight of the world for a while, I can
Secretive as we've been, I think that everyone can see
This was a natural progression, started too far back to remember
And the catalyst that caused it to stumble forward is long forgotten
Because, since we're both here and now, the process doesn't matter
Unless you would have us reverse it, and devolve to our previous selves
To put the rest of the world at better ease around us
But then, if, after all this, we were to go our separate ways
What would that say about the pattern of nature
And how would we react, after living so long in each others shadows
Having to face our own reflections alone again
We might go mad, watching, waiting
And what of it, that thing we called love
And captured together, and held, and left, and lost
What would happen to that, if we were to pretend it didn't exist
Well, I say, forget the rest of the world
Let them keep their eyes and ears and silent disapproval
It shouldn't matter to us
And then, if we did that, we'd be free of them
We could go and live our lives
So, then, is that what we'll do
If it is, we should do it now
Before they can convince us otherwise
And maybe we should run away, while we're at it
To where there is no moral arrogance
If we decide to do that, we should go now
Before they take our feet, and our legs with them
And leave us crippled, unable to follow each other
Also, unable to follow them
Then, this future they wish upon us cannot exist without us
And we should follow our first instinct, and
We should just let the world fall into place around us
Not expecting them to understand
Because they won't
We should only remove our masks at night
When the stars and moon shine, and secrets can be made of glass
Fragile, but unbroken, as there are only us and the sky to see
And, eventually, and bit by bit
The world will become nocturnal and see
But by then, they won't see it as odd
And they won't see it as dangerous
Then, we'll have all reached that place
Where we can sit beside the ocean and still feel small and wonderful


A Collection of Musings on the Subject of "Ginger"
This is another of those poems written specifically about my girlfriend.

we were under a streetlamp with the night all around us
the dark and the quiet bore witness
to what was and is our first and my first proper kiss

and all the novels in the world are liars
because there were no fireworks and
the earth didn't move beneath our feet

but it was nice
and I'd like to do it again sometime
in daylight, in public, where everyone can see

there is a box of notes you've written me, hidden in my room
I can hear your voice when I read them
and that's a rare commodity these days
when your parents don't approve and mine never can

so my box is full of moments that we haven't had a chance to have
and moments that I'd like to keep forever

like an invitation to a party that I helped you colour in
on the day you told me 'yes', in German, in another note I kept
and a valentine from way before we were together
just the generic kind that everyone hands out
but your handwriting gives me butterflies

and I have photographs as well
just a few and just as precious

a grainy black and white printout of what wasn't quite our first kiss
resides in my wallet, so I see us when I go for spare change
and an orange-tinted snapshot of me in your lap, both of us laughing
is set as the background on my mobile phone

in these little ways, I see you as often as I can

I don't know when the words crept into our conversations
it seems I looked one day and there they were

there was no moment
no priceless hallmark moment
when we bared our souls and professed our love

it must have been a natural progression
but the words slip out so carelessly now, sound so casual now
and I've never believed in insincerity
so I've never said 'I love you' until I knew it was true

I dream about our future every now and then
and where we'll go and what we'll do
such vivid dreams of me and you

real dreams, and not the naughty kind (I know you were thinking it)
of packing up our things to run away
to anywhere and everywhere that isn't here
and coming out to my parents in a million different ways

if it were legal I'd propose to you tomorrow
which may or may not be moving too fast
and I don't want to scare you off
but I have so many dreams and I want you in them

and if it's a mistake, well
we're young and will have fun making it


A Series of Reflections on an Ordinary Morning
This one two. We're at nine months on friday.

"My god, you're beautiful," I think
first thing upon seeing you sitting there
but the words get stuck in my throat and
lost somewhere along the way
because I am just so caught up
in looking at you eating your bagel
and if I could I'd give up all my mornings
just to sit here with you
and listen to you talk on and on about
cream cheese and familiar faces and
it's all so perfectly ordinary my heart skips a beat

I walk you to your first class
because I'm going that way anyway and
it gives me an excuse to hold your hand
which is a normal couple thing and
we don't do enough of those, these days
and I've missed the feel of your hand in mine.
As we pass them in the halls they say
"Are you two dating? That's so cute!"
It makes me smile, that they can see
we are a we, and an us, and we are
acknowledged by the world as such.

The words "I love you" are always in my head
a steady rhythm hidden behind every thought
a constant beat, my driving force
my drums (I am, and always will be, a geek)
But then you kiss me and my heart stutters
my tongue trips over itself and all I can get out
are silly goodbyes and see you laters
that sound useless and empty and I think
an awkward silence would be more significant
because you undo me like a ball of yarn
I come unraveled and melt a little bit
and I'd profess my love if you didn't frequently
leave me speechless in the most ordinary ways.

Someone once implied I could control you and
I laughed out loud because the reverse is true
you have more power than you know, which
should probably scare me more than it does
but I haven't reached a point yet where falling
in love strikes e as a frightening prospect, I guess
maybe I'm already too far gone to care but
I think you're the first person I've dated who
could break my heart, so please don't.