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[Pokered Face]
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#1
Old 07-25-2010, 07:05 PM

For when we felt tiny,
We both became giant

For when we were the employer,
We both were the client

For when we talked,
We were silent

For when we were peaceful,
We both were violent

For if we called,
It was dropped

For if we dialed,
It had stopped

For if we skipped,
We had hopped

For if we switched,
We also had swapped

Inspiration: Antonyms and Synonyms / Cause and Effect.
In another poem, I had critiqued I thought one of the words was a bit plain, so I gave some synonyms. I was in the writing passion so I decided to write a poem. Most of the poems had to about love, death and other common things, so this on was one of those cause and effect poems. As you can see, when you skip you hop, they are almost similar and it seems that you do one to do the other. Hearing of the new I-Phone 4 it drops calls if you held it in a particular way, so I have heard so I kind of added a stanza dealing with that.

wrylilt
Proud Mother, Happy Writer
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#2
Old 08-08-2010, 07:19 AM

I like it. It's a nice little ditty that flows really well.

Only critique? The last line:
Quote:
For if we switched,
We also had swapped
Feels like it needs one less syllable to work right?

 


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