Quote:
Skin of copper
Draped in in sheets
of gold
spun and sewn with
intricacy
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Bit of a typo repeat there. :)
Also, for a better flow maybe try and break it up into
Skin of copper/Draped in sheets/of gold spun and sewn/with intricacy.
Quote:
A spin
fabric dances
as she dances
An enchantress
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Normally repeating the same word in two very close lines is a no no, however it works perfectly here. Absolutely love this part!
Quote:
Eyes of fire
Turn up the heat
You start sweating
Though you've remained in your seat
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Maybe the last line is a bit long? You could try something like "But remain in your seat."
Quote:
She's amazing
She's ethereal
And moves with such skill
To call it dancing would be a crime
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I think the last line is too long again... not sure what change you could make but maybe either change it into something in two lines OR try a different metaphor or simile for dancing.
Quote:
For such grace
And movements
-with mortal words-
cannot be defined
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Love this line too. Perfect.
Overall lovely poem, I can see someone dancing in my mind as I read it. I'm not sure on the name though... your call!