Quote:
You said “I’m so sorry.” I said “Yeah, right.”
You said “Yes I am.” I said “No you’re not.”
I did my part; held on with all my might.
You didn’t care, though for your love I sought.
|
You could try and put "No but you ought" in the second line OR "You didn't care, though I loved you a lot" on the last line, so they both rhyme.
Quote:
You said “You need me!” I said “Not hardly.”
You said “You’ll be back.” I said “Watch me go.”
I aint ever comin’ back, just watch me.
I loved you once but my love for you dove.
|
You could try "I loved you once, but that was long ago" as a better rhyme?
Quote:
You said you once loved me, now set me free,
To be what I wanna be, which is to be me!
|
It seems to give it a more even flow.
Other wise it's a lovely poem, I like the wordplay back and forth between both characters in the poem.