
09-30-2010, 09:58 PM
Ummmm, it all rhymed. Not sure what doesn't...
If you like this form, level the lines, all the same length. 5 syllable lines, perhaps? Not sure if you want to work in iambs. Perhaps a more stressed meter would fit better for the small lines. If this were pentameter, maybe iambs would work. I don't know, up to you. I don't usually write formal verse.
Overall, good emotion, but needs more concrete description. Keep it up!
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