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-   -   [..Post Your Poems..] - As many as you want! (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=47935)

Licious 03-10-2007 06:52 PM

[..Post Your Poems..] - As many as you want!
 
Many of you write poems, and I would like to see all the different styles.

This is a place that I expect to be respectful and polite, while doing so you may use constructive criticism. This includes telling people what they could do to either change the poem or what they could do with future poems to make them even better.

Users must take note when being critiqued that everyone has a different writing style. If there is someone critiquing your poem and you do not like their advice, simply thank them and don't use it. If there is someone being very rude, then tell them they are going against the rules, and to please exit the thread.

All writing it talent. =)


Discuss:
-Why do you write poems?
-What puts you into the right mood to write a poem?
-How do you use rhymes?
-Anything else relating to poems.





Here are some of my poems:
(Comments are appriciated).


-Memory Kills-

Another day full of smiles
Until I’m by myself at night
Slowly my smiles fade away
As my memories recite
My music flooding my ears
Only making it dig in deeper
My mind starts to race
As my mood falls steeper
To know his face and his name
Makes me lose my mind
I dream again that nightmare
Hoping someday I’ll leave it behind
I wanted to help him smile
I know loving him was no mistake
Because even now I do
But I couldn’t bare the heartache
Each of his lies tore me apart
But I tried so hard to believe
I persuaded myself we were forever
Maybe I was just being naive
Under his spell I’d do anything
He got away with stealing my pride
He made me forever afraid
Of being used and pushed aside
To this day I still remember
Everything like it was yesterday
Sometimes I wish it never happened
But I wouldn’t be who I am today
I’ll never forget his face
Or his dark brown eyes
Forever I will wonder
If they will always be full of lies

-Claire 1/2/06



---------------------------


-Humid eyes-
It’s so hard when you're not here
But just as hard when you’re near
I hesitate my true emotions
I don't want to cause commotion

My heart weakens
With every word I speak
I hold back my humid eyes
To keep me from going weak

It's not only the affection I crave
But the affection I crave to give
It's so hard to let it go
But in the end I’ll live

-Claire



---------------------------


-My Lullaby-

I walk into the room
You don’t have to scream
I can hear you
You’re stealing my self esteem
I try to make it past
I don’t want to get into it
I’m always wrong
Because you would never admit
Slamming the door behind me
Hoping you’ll leave me there
Realizing I’m crying
I only wish I believed in prayer
As I listen from my dark room
I can hear my family collapse
The screaming echoing in my head
As I wait for the typical relapse
Never-ending suffering
Until someone gets the last word
Repeating those things
That we have all heard
My music deafening
My voice so pretty when I cry
Are you starting to regret
That day in July?

-Claire



---------------------------


-Be Free-

Slit my wrists...take away my pain
Slit my throat…as I try to explain
Gash my heart…with your lies
As the tears spill…from my eyes
Living my own nightmare…as my insides intertwine
Embracing your soul…as you destroy mine
I try to forget you…but you’re haunting me
Screaming in fear…to anyone I plea
I smell your liquor breath…as you kiss my bloody lips
My cold body shutters…as I feel your fingertips
My tears of blood…as you stand above me
Your hands around my neck…while I endure the agony
Your heart pounding in my head…I feel my body break
Controlling every part of me…my soul you take
Trying to breathe my last breath…you’re killing me
I just hold still…because soon I will be free

-Claire



---------------------------

-Trapped-

I run into my room
I tightly lock the door
I scream but am not heard
I hurt deep to the core
I fall onto my bed
And again I start to cry
I wish to myself
That finally I would die
Thoughts and ideas
Go racing through my head
And I still remember
Every lie that I’ve been fed
I try to stand
But I fall again
Lying on the floor
I am bleeding within
I pray to myself
That I will find the door
Let it open let me out
For I can take no more

-Claire



---------------------------


-Letting My Strength Shine-

Your love for me became weaker than your greed
You let your sickness overcome you
This all hit me at such great speed
I never pictured you as someone so untrue
My soul-mate dreams have been slaughtered
Now my future must be altered
I never expected such evil from you
I have no power to undo
I made your heart my home
The only place I could run to
Now from your love I must roam
From this, alone I must continue
Everything happens for a reason
This reason I will never understand
Soon I will accept your treason
And the castle we built will return to sand
Forever I will remember you as great
Your presence in my heart will always stand
And will help me recreate my new fate
And venture onto unknown land
I will rely on those who catch me to save me
While I hold on tightly to everything you gave me
I won’t break this silence we’ve shared for so long.
I will be strong.

-Claire
2-10-2007


Let me know which one is your favorite! =)

sychobunny 03-12-2007 12:17 AM

Memory Kills:
its very relatable.
the mood fits the content

humid eyes:
you start out with one pattern and then switch- i think it makes it more cohesive if you stick to whatever pattern you decide on

my lullaby:
it sounds like something that was written with acidic tears- very emotional

be free:
hmmm hard to tell if this is supposed to be a self inflicted incedent or if its really physical (could be the point?)

trapped
the mood/ contentent doesnt fit the title- its not desperate enough

letting my strength shine:
again, the pattern isnt continuous


and now for my crap:



Untitled

Sometimes it seems like I'm home
And others like I'm alone
I don't always wanna feel this way
But it's the price I need to pay
Let me lie here and sleep
Times like this I just can't compete
Let me lie here alone
And decipher my sins to atone
I'm here waiting for nothing
And still expecting there to be something
A vaporous tear runs down my cheek
Like the silent words that I try to speak
Soon someone will ask me to stay
And then I'll go wander away




break down

The songs that come to my mind
They all seem to apply
But when the random song arrives
That's when I can't survive
I want to break down and cry
Realizing it's not a lie





End

Brick by brick, the walls fall down
All around my desperate town
I want my slumber
I want my sleep
Give me a sanctuary
In which to keep

I'm pacing back and forth
In the darkness, without a torch
Playing machinery
Playing god
Never perfect
More like sod

I have wept, I have cried
As my head gets slowly fried
Nice and tender
Nice and crisp
All I know is
Time's a wisp

In my own little Babylon
Somehow it goes on and on
I want peace
I need to jet
But this is all
I shall get





Untitled

theres a side that needs a break,
a side that will be dissapointed.
theres a side that needs to creat,
a side that will be stifled.
there is a side that wants to cry out,
a side that will be hushed.

Licious 03-12-2007 07:46 AM

That's not "crap" at all. I really like all of them!

And thank you so much for your ideas. I will consider them. =)

Also, thank you for being my first reply... Lol.


EDIT: I especially like "End." =)


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