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-   -   It's not much, but what do you think? (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=48572)

BooF89 03-13-2007 11:38 AM

It's not much, but what do you think?
 
The boy lay there,
He lay there looking,
Looking at his heart,
the one falling down the wall,
That she had ripped from him,
Then walked away.

By BooF89

sychobunny 03-14-2007 02:57 AM

its about emotion- but its verry visual (despite being short)
i really like it- its like a snapshot

03-14-2007 04:21 AM

nice

aeroshaker 03-14-2007 04:47 AM

I like the begining of it, but as you get to the fourth line you loose me.
"The one falling down the wall" doesn't seem to fit well there, but I like how it ended. Good work.

BooF89 03-14-2007 05:09 AM

I did originally have it , as what it is (but without the "the one falling down a the wall,")

but im a sick and twisted person so yeah...i added it in...

but thanks for your replies

03-15-2007 12:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BooF89
I did originally have it , as what it is (but without the "the one falling down a the wall,")

but im a sick and twisted person so yeah...i added it in...

but thanks for your replies

lol @ sick and twisted person :P <33

aeroshaker 03-19-2007 06:38 PM

Well its obviously up to you.
If you think its alright, then ok.


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