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#1
Old 04-13-2007, 04:54 AM

She pressed herself against him.
She couldn't believe that her lover was dead.
Dead.
A cold lifeless corpse.
Laying in the alleyway.
So she pressed her lips against his, not expecting to hear words...
"I don't love you anymore"
He said.
In his final breath.
To leave her there, stunned.
Until she lifted up the dagger he had used,
and finished her life.
For without him she was nothing.
And they lay there...


x.x
I dunno if I was going for more of a poem or a story.
I kinda mixed em.
C+C please.

Peanut
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#2
Old 04-13-2007, 04:00 PM

Ohwow. o.o; I dunno what to say. ^^; I like it though.

upinthetrees
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#3
Old 04-14-2007, 12:42 AM

ooohhhh. how sad... :cry:

Muffin
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#4
Old 04-14-2007, 03:35 AM

Thanks for the comments~

`F o a m
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#5
Old 04-14-2007, 05:12 AM

Oh wow.
How emotional...
And I don't mean like emo to insult you.
Powerful stuff there...

Cyzzane
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#6
Old 04-15-2007, 05:09 PM


I enjoyed the imagery that you used it made a good sense of story and the poem form helped to move it along.

I could almost see this being used in a song.

Peanut
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#7
Old 04-17-2007, 12:20 AM

  • @Cyzzane: I agree. =D

Muffin
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#8
Old 07-22-2007, 06:26 AM

  • Any more C+C?
    n3n

 


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