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erana
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#1
Old 05-05-2007, 03:58 AM

.:VAMPIRE:.

The sky filled with tears as the rain falls,
a crow so softly, softly calls,
the scent of death surrounding walls,
and waits for its victim to crawl,

The feel of death gripping this life,
reminds them of a stabbing knife,
the victim unmarried, not groom nor wife,
shall die before the end of night,

The cause unknown to all who live,
no mercy will its killer give,
fangs protruding from his lips,
fear is near, the victim gripped,

Murderer never to be unmasked,
but understand its hard to grasp,
the being which kills with ease,
never would it be appeased,

This is a vampire.






tell me whatcha think ^^' i wrote it off the top of my head cause...well...i wanted to

Celeris
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#2
Old 05-05-2007, 06:09 AM

It's pretty good! I like the repeating of softly and it flows rather well! The last line of the first stanza doesn't flow as well but I don't know if you meant to do that or not.

Seito
Evil Overlord
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#3
Old 05-05-2007, 06:10 AM

Ah that's a nice little poem. I really enjoy it. *nods*

Only thing is your last line... "This is a vampire" throws it off a bit. I'm not exactly sure how you would fix it though. Just everything rhymes but the last line.

 


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