
10-07-2007, 05:27 PM
5/10
Why:
With poetry, presentation is important. If you don't have a reason that there's a second break between the first and second stanza, and one break between the second and third, take out one of the ones between the first and second stanza.
Capitalize the first letter of each line. Capitalize the word I.
Last line of the second stanza is 8 syllables, the other endings are 9, make it dismiss instead of diss. It will help with the accidental flow. If you want a proper flow, then work on the syllables, and emphases in each line.
You get your dislike across, though so you kept with your theme.
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