Yeah, so I wrote this a few days ago. It's not my best, but it's not my worst. Lately, I've hated all of my poetry, but not so much this piece. Anyway, if you want to see more of my poetry, there should be a link to my MyOtaku profile on my Menewsha profile somewhere, and then from there click on the link to my AllPoetry. Three clicks isn't that big of a deal, is it? Moving on, here's my poem; it's short with a simple rhyme scheme, so get over it:

"Heartache Tension"
by: Ann R. Key (this is my pen name)

All alone forever and ever,
Missing the love that was never.
That stupid bastard, he took my heart;
He built it up, then tore it apart.
I can't believe I was such a fool,
And now the rumors are spread around the school.
How could I have been so stupid?
I was cast under a spell by that demon, Cupid.
I wish I could go back again
And stop all of this before it began.
I made so many girlish mistakes,
And I went against the highest of stakes.
I could have lost a very dear friend,
And I got to the point were I wanted to end
My pathatic, little, loveless life.
Even a teenager doesn't deserve this much strife...

The part about rumors around school is just for rhyming purposes...at least, that's what I hope. I'm not sure if that 'B' word is allowed 'cos I keep on getting Gaia and Menewsha rules mixed up, but I guess I'll take a chance on that... It's not really that bad of a word, anyway; I could have called him something much worse.
One more thing: I will keel you in a bloody, computer-graphic~fied, G-rated way if you steal my pen name.

hillo :arrow:

not bad( personally i like poems that DON'T rhyme, but still...)
B for bastard? that's not that bad.
good job, although the school thins was a bit awkward.

I like this poem... it's like a typical one, and.. very general.. it's like, yeah. xD I'm bad at explaining things, but this is really good.. :33

i like this poem also hmm. i must say its a very good one
at least you can write them my skills at writing in general lol is bad <3

I'm moving this into the poetry subforum, just as a heads up.

Thanks!

Thank you for all the comments, people; much appreciated. <^^>

Oh man.
I LOVE your pen name! XD No, I wont steal it (I have my own ^_^) but that's just SO freaking awesome! lol.

Anyways. Very nice poem. The bit about school was slightly akward and a bit out of place, though. Also, I just feel like "life" and "strife" are a bit overused, but then again that might just be me. But the rest of it was good. I like it! ^_^ Keep posting them!

The B word isn't so bad xD I think you're safe, and though rhymes are probably the least appreciated poem form ('cuz they just sound inherently cheesy no matter what you do v.v) I think yours is very well done!

My only crit would be on the school line, saying "round" instead of "around" or maybe even a more drastic change to "Now the rumors spread round the school.", just to shorten it and make it fit right. Same with the Cupid line, maybe "Was I cast a spell by that demon, Cupid?" again, to make it shorter and click better with the prior line.