bombs fall and children cry.
soldiers run as overhead planes fly.
in a town where once people would sing.
now all you hear is a bullets ping.
though one side may win the war.
it will return and blood will shed once more.
some soldiers pray looking to heavens above.
some soldiers wish to be with their one true love.
lights starts to fade and darkness remains.
war goes on and our life slowly drains.

The first line made me thin of south park to be honest so I giggled. :3

But it's good, nice work. :3

lol @ Arc xD Same here but it was still really awesome , it kinda made me think of the war going on now in Iraq.

im glad it made you think that way. the fight in iraq is what i was trying to make ppl picture.

Thats what it made me think of cause I hear how many soliders die everyday and how mant love one's have lost someone , its truely sad and I hope the new president does something about it >.<

Your post on Love is locked for some reason... I actually wanted to say that one is lovely ^.^

This one is very well crafted too, it makes me think more of the Israeli/Palestinian war though, since that one is on going and each bout just starts another one. In any case, you write lovely poetry! I think they locked your other post because they prefer you put all your poetry in one thread instead of starting a new one per poem, just fyi.

there is no love there is only pain.
it pours on my soul like a dark freezing rain.
trying to call out through my crys.
unable to tell u my final goodbyes.
you lead me on your love was a game.
you trapped my heart and turned me tame.
my defenses down im vulnerable to attack.
i never would have guessed you'd stab me in the back.
you were so nice my heart would race.
you said you loved me and lied to my face.
so here i am unable to feel.
now i understand, true love is not real.

Lania: You're only allowed to make one thread in the poetry forum, instead of threads for each poem, thats why his extra is locked. *nods to the rules*

You do write very dark poetry, Blip.

I would advise narrowing your topics. War in general is very commonly used, perhaps go into specifics on the people involved, the changes in the polotics, and try to avoid overused rhymes such as cry and fly, love and above, ect.

Also, in your first ine you establish rhythem, but you immeadiately break it in the next sentence. Read it alloud to yourself as you have it, then try it ithout the word 'overhead' and see the difference in flow. You have a lot of errors like that throughout the poem, reading it alloud and making edits should solve this without too much difficulty.

what if we're meant for so much more?
what happens every time we open the door?
do our lives flow within a sea?
or do we control life with a flow of chi?
is there some force that guides our life?
or are we left alone to wallow in strife?
is our life some great gift?
is it just another place in time's rift?
what will happen when we die?
does someone know it and start to cry?
what if there is no lord above?
what if there is no helpful shove?
we struggle for what and fight for who?
how do you know if someone loves you?
are our lives balancing on a narrow cliff?
when we fall do we all wonder what if?

I liked it. it was really good even if the tone of the poem was melecholy. Good Job. I'd like to hear more of your stuff...I've got a thred up here with my poems somewhere haha. check em out if you wanna.

i just might have to do that. thank you for your reply to my poem. made my heart soar with happiness

in my house alone i sit.
my heart locked away to where no one can get.
i've sworn to the gods that i wont be pulled in.
i've sworn to myself this wont happen again.
new walls i have built to guard emotions in my soul.
the broken pieces of my heart will once again become whole.
i was betrayed, so i turned my eyes away.
every time i saw her face my body would sway.
she had said that she loved me, had kissed my lips.
now she laughs as my heart rips.
never again will someone destroy me like this.
i am alone now, i have truly found bliss.

pls read the new poem i just wrote and leave a comment.

i have been writing for about 6 months now so im still a little bit of a beginner but with time and effort i hope to successfully become a great poetry writer someday