Artic

The cold air, brushes against my skin
My breath turns to frost
I'm cold and alone


A shiver goes down my neck
I hear something behind me
My heat starts to beat faster


I lay close to the ground hoping not to be found
It's no use I know he knows I'm here


I dart
He gives chase


I'm slow
He's fast


He's gaining quickly
I'm nearly there


I reach a hole and slip in
My mother and brother were waiting for me


We hear him through the ice
My heart stops
He has broken through


My mother and brother flee into the water
I try to follow
I feel something pierce my skin


I pull away and flee into the water
And swim off in a flurry of red


I'm free! for now



Coma

Take me away
I want to be anywhere but here
I never want to see this place again


This place is a hell


Locked in the dark
Nothing but black


Can I get away?
Or will they hold me down and force me to stay


I can't take it anymore
I think I'm going to break


A light
A spot on the floor


A noise breaks the silence


I hear it again
It's louder now


My eyes flutter open
Then squeezed shut

It's too bright
I try to cover my eyes but can't move

I groan
The noise gets louder
I hear them moving about


Slowly I open my eyes again
The light blinds me
I can't see


Then all a see is white
Shapes start to take form
A woman cries
I feel a pressure on my chest.


I feel water go down my cheeks

Finally, I'm free

I like them both. They're very intriging(sp?). I could picture everything in my mind. Keep up the good work.

Those are both very good! They create such vivid images with the way you worded them! I really like them! ^.^

Butterflies

Floating,
Fluttering.
Our gentle dance in the sky

Back and forth,
Here and there

Dancing on petals,
then back to the sky

Untitled

Tiny spots move under me,
like busy ants I can hardly see.

Detached from the world below,
as my body waves to and fro

I feel peace as the wind glides over me,
because up here, I'm finally free.

Those two new poems are very good too! I especially like "Untitled". It creates interesting visuals.

They're all lovely poems, you are very good at describing something without naming it ^.^ Just few little grammar and flow crits -

In Artic, there are only two things that bug me - The line "it's no use I know he knows I'm here", the repetition of "know" could be replaced with something to make it flow better, unless you had a line count of some kind (I didn't take time to measure) but maybe something like "it's no use, I smell of fear, he knows I'm here" if you wanted both lines to rhyme, or "it's no use I sense he knows I'm here" if you just wanted to replace the word.

And second, right below the mother and brother line, "We hear him the ice"... I assume you're missing a word there o.o "Through", "paw", "claw"?

In Coma, I'd trade is an "a" for the "like" the line "this place is like hell", it'd make the line more in clip with the two that follow and the very last line to "Finally, I'm free" just 'cuz it sounds more ending-y.

Butterflies is just perfect! And Untitled I love too! In the very last line though, it should be finally <.<;

They're beautiful, and you're very good with imagery ^.^ You should post more stuff!

It's been awhile since I posted any thing in here. The two new ones are kind of depressing.

Just when I thought I had the key it slipped through my fingers
a cruel mirage
The key to my cage
A cure for my disease
Why?
Why has it forsaken me?
Am I doomed to this eternal unrequited love?
Do I deserve this pain?
Have my sins really been that great?
That many?
That terrible?
What have I done to deserve such retribution?
Or is it some kind of test.
Will I be rewarded if my will holds out?
But my will hasn’t been apart of it for such a long time
…do I have any left
And if I do, is it really my choice to stay fallen?
To be wrapped in these chains
Bound by my heart
Until death do I depart



Floating, flowing
I’m walking on air
My heartbeat crescendos; my spirit lifts with the sound
my prayers have been answered
my wishes fulfilled
my loves been returned and my heart has been found
he loves me, he loves me and always has
It’s so wonderful I can’t help but to think that I’m dreaming…
I wake up in bed and then start screaming.