"Love You, Forver"

If there's one thing I could say
Then it's 'please don't go away'
'Cuz I'll love you, forever

Every night and every day
Every breath and every way
Gonna love you, forever

Lying in your arms that night
Nothing ever felt so right
Wanna love you, forever

And now even though you're gone
The memory still is strong
'Cuz I love you, forever

As the year's go flying by
I still think of you and sigh
My dearest love, forever

Looking back upon these years
the smiles were worth the tears
My truest love, forever

I know deep within my heart
We will never be apart
You and I, love, forever

(COMMENTARY: I started writing the verses in fragments starting in '94 or '95. it wasn't until 2 years ago I gathered them together and started monkeying with the verse order into a complete poem. this is the version I've settled on)

"Lilies of the Valley"

As I gaze upon sleeping trees
I yearn for the blooms of the lilies of the valley

(COMMENTARY: I wrote this in August, looking at the trees with their leaves fallen off. I was feeling wistful, sad, missing a lost loved one. I remembered my childhood, how lilies of the valley use to bloom in large numbers beside my house, I remembered how happy those days were. also, in flower language the lily of the valley means "a return of happiness")


"untitled" (suggestions?)

the time we had turned out to be
a splendid illusion
as all dreams fade away
despite our most heartfelt of pleas

you were a bright spot in my past
my light when all was dark
my shelter from the storm
but the wheel turned, our time is passed

but still you linger in my heart
a part of me cannot
believe that you are gone
though I ache as we are apart

that chasm between the 'then' and 'now'
cannot be bridged with but
mortal tears and sorrow
nor any magic the gods allow

... but still...

across the endless gulf of time
I reach out in hopes that
for one brilliant moment
your fingertips brush against mine

(COMMENTARY: this was written recently in memoriam of a close friend that was lost, someone who given more time and different circumstances could have easily have become more than just a friend. it's been 5 years and I still miss him so much is aches at times)

I love the first one.
You used the repetition perfectly. :]
It's pretty, not overly complicated.

For the second, it's nice imagery,
although the first line is just a bit random
to me.

for the second I was trying to use the first line to convey the feeling of trees in fall/winter, when their leaves have fallen and they're "sleeping" until spring. many people associate the seemingly dead trees with a feeling of sorrow, of loss, a gloomy feeling. I wanted it to convey a feeling of loss/sorrow and of hope, the image of one looking out at autumn/winter trees and yearning for the flowers of spring.