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Juniper
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#1
Old 03-07-2008, 11:36 AM

These are just some ideas that I've had floating
around in my head for awhile now.

Somewhere in a distance I see you
Somewhere in time I feel you
Somewhere all I know is I need you
Being isn't being until you are
Love can be so close but also just as far
Something inside will tell you what to do
The mind never forgets, it will tell you whats true
Looking into your eyes, the window to your soul

So you can tell me what you think but I just do it out of fun so I don't really mind. If you'd like you can post something of yours and I can critique yours...

Julia Caesar
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#2
Old 03-09-2008, 07:04 PM

It's pretty good.

If you are taking critiques all I have to say is that on line 4 I think you should add the word "there" at the end. I think it flows better but it's up to you.

 


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