RANDOM - Identity

So who are you?

I swear I saw you yesterday. Perhaps I simply conjured you out of hopeless desperation. Yet, I could not make you correctly. You were too tall, and I couldn't quite recreate your eye color. And then I missed you essentially. I couldn't light that fire in your eyes--I couldn't create that intensity of your gaze. And because of that, it wasn't you.

It was your twin, your look alike. There was a resemblance, and because I missed you so fiercely, I mistook him for you.

For there was no mistake today. From the moment I stepped into the room, your head turned and our eyes met. And I've found you again.

I just don't know who you are.

RANDOM - Complications

Why, oh why is your gaze trained upon me? Not that I'm complaining--who could complain of such a lovely stare? I do not mind the fact that you are there or that I recognize in you the same expression that I saw in another.

It is that that expression of strange intensity should really be given to another.

It is the same story with the same look. I fell in love with that light in their eyes--that focus that zoomed in for some unbeknownst reason completely on me. It's unsettling, addicting, and wrong.

It shouldn't feel wrong. You shouldn't have been looking in the first place. I must reprimand you both--it was you two who drew me in when I would have been content to simply sigh and let be. But I suppose I am guilty as well because it takes two to make eye contact.

But the fact remains that you started it. You started it when you shouldn't have.

I am not angry with you; I am frustrated. These things happen for how else do people fall out of love? However, I am not so keen upon the idea of me having to fall in love simply to figure out how to make someone else stop.

Ah! The complications of love!

RANDOM - Because you are here, and that has made all the difference...

He met her and loved her. She went along with it because he was there. Then they parted and promised to be loyal and true. But slowly as the days went by, he had a hard time recalling the color of her eyes and the shade of her hair. He only knew the sound of her voice by the brief phone calls they exchanged, but even then he often mistook her for another.

And another girl caught his eye. She had not been trying and nor had he. But when their eyes locked, there was something there that couldn't be denied. He tried to shake her from his head, but he kept seeing her, kept staring at her--and she stared right back. He didn't know if she had a lover or not; he didn't even know her name. He knew that she didn't mean to tempt him from his love for how could she know? Yet, she meant to tempt him. Why else would she stare back?

The phone calls with his love became more and more brief and she often asked him what was wrong. He couldn't tell her because he honestly didn't know what was amiss. He couldn't be falling in love with someone that he only knew by sight.

His love told him that she missed him. He asked what was there to miss? They spoke to each other every day. She told them that he was not here, and that made all the difference. He told her he was silly and that he had to go--he would talk to her later.

But then her words struck him as he thought of his mystery girl. Because you are here, and that has made all the difference. Her simply being here made her that much harder to forget. There was always the chance that he might run into her, and the thought made his heart beat faster. It was simply the fact that she was here and not someone he ran into once and never to see again. She was something he could count on in a random statistic.

And he realized this was true of many people. People he knew were not all because they were compatible with his personality. In fact, he hated his best friend's guts but they had become close because they had been stuck together as roommates. He was simply there. Because you are here, and that has made all the difference...

As for his love, he couldn't really call her his love anymore. He realized how easy it was to fall out of love when the object of affection wasn't present. Then again, perhaps it was never love. Perhaps it was simply convenience.

And he thought again of the mystery girl and wondered if she would disappear too someday, if he was simply taking her being there for granted. Perhaps she would be gone the next day, and he would never know. It was an unsettling thought.

RANDOM - Shadows Part I

I am half sick of shadows said the lady of Shallot...

Shadows are amusing things. They are dreams that one can shape to his fancy. They will never love you nor hurt you--unless you are fool enough to let them. The dreamer creates half lives, shadows of reality that are all the more pleasing to be amongst. She could perhaps forsake the world for these shadows, such is their allure.

And she falls in love with them. However, she learns that the shadow world is just as unforgiving as reality--only in reality, one simply realizes they lost the race, whereas in shadow land, one has been chasing naught but the air.

RANDOM - Shadows Part II

I am sick of falling in love with dreams and shadows. Have I so little faith in the world that I cannot ever love something real and true? Have I played so long in the dark that I have been twisted by subtleties and lies?

It is all a farce, and everything is worthless! What did I do this for? For a mere shadow! It is sickening.

But it seems that this is something of an addiction that I cannot cure. Shadows with their subtleties and lies have always been more attractive to me. Alas, perhaps it is simply my fate.

RANDOM - Distance

It's funny to think about the distance between you and I. For though we had been within miles of each other before, we never saw each other--never ran into each other by chance. I suppose that I was comforted by the notion that the coincidence was possible then. But now we are an ocean and a continent away, and I'm feeling the distance.

And it's funny how I was close to the other you--so very, very close--but could only see you when I contrived to. And what was supposed to be leaving was a farce for we came back to the same island, yet I will still probably never see you again but in happy coincidence.

But the distance between these two makes all the difference, though I shall probably see neither. It is merely the thought that he is close that brings comfort. There is the very small ray of hope in the gleam of statistics that maybe, just maybe I will run into him. But when the distance is increased, that hope dies and makes all the difference.

This is why a long distance relationship would never work easily. Distance is so very deciding.

RANDOM

Fleeting Inspiration

Oh, how it comes and goes
Like a leaf on the wind
So perfectly in focus
For but a moment
And spiraling away the next.

The hand grasps
Only the empty air
And the eye gazes
At the genius unrealized
Flying away.

Always wondering
What it was
And how, oh how,
Could I have missed you?

RANDOM - Connections

"I never take it off."

"Who gave it to you?"

"It's just mine. I wear it because when it's gone, I feel like something's missing."

It's the truth--or at least part of it; the string wasn't really given to me by anyone special. It holds no special meaning because it was something from someone else. Yes, it was originally from someone else, but it was given much in the sense of discarding something to someone whom had a use for it.

No, the significance lies in the connection. From the same cord was cut another cord that was given to someone else. I am a fool for treasuring such a small thing, but it was something that made us a pair. It was a connection.

RANDOM - Wrote this randomly in a post and started to rhyme... >[email protected] Of course, I'm only half serious. Really, it's just a good writing topic. xD

I'm thinking about distance and what a funny thing it can be.
I'm thinking about how wide is a continent and how deep is a sea.
I'm thinking about what could have been between you and me...

RANDOM - So Close, Yet So Far

It is that moment when you're next to the person but not aware of it. You never realize what you miss until it's missed. It is that bittersweet irony of knowing that you were right there but having done nothing; you were so close to them, isn't that enough?

But you wanted more.

How hypocritical. Didn't you once say that all you wanted was to be close to him? To merely be in his presence? Didn't you say that was enough?

But it's not the same. You wanted to know. You wanted to be able to savor his presence. You wanted to bask in the glory of the him being there.

However, if what you say about your devotion to him is true, then should you not be able to tell when he is there? In a hypothetical case, what if he was reborn into a completely different person but still him? Wouldn't you still be able to tell? Wouldn't you be attuned to the subtle change in the atmosphere when he walked into the room? For some reason, you almost recognized him--your heart jumped--but you didn't pursue it. Yes, you can tell.

But only now is it that you realize that you were so close, and yet so far...

RANDOM

I have come to the conclusion that I miss you. I miss the ideal of you--the you I fell for. I miss being next to you. I miss simply standing near you. I miss your presence. I miss the touch--oh how I miss it! I had grown used to it, and I thought I had weaned myself off. Yet, here I am, missing it again.

However, I can't quite tell you, my friend, also my friend's boyfriend, that I miss you like this. It would be one thing if I were truly in love with you, but I'm not. I'm in love with the ideal of you. I'm in love with something crazy that my artist's mind has conjured in unreality. And in reality, you're the closest thing to that, and I'll take what I can get.

The problem was that I got quite more than I expected, and it unfortunately had become something normal. And so now that it's gone, I find myself missing it all the more.

Perhaps it is not simply you. Perhaps it is simply the affection I want. Yet, the person it comes from matters. Other people will simply not suffice. You were the closest I got.

I don't really know why I've been thinking about you so much. And why you and not anyone else? Maybe there's simply too much time here. Maybe I was never quite over you already. Ugh. Why must it take so long for something so small for I surely could not have meant that much to you?

I don't know.

RANDOM - Thoughts

Adorable. Absolutely adorable.

Her brother, if all went well, would soon be wed. Of course, this was jumping the gun a bit. He still had yet to ask the question to the girl. He had made the proposal to the parents whom had joyfully accepted him. However, he did not yet have the ring or tell anyone of his supposed "secret plan" to ask the question. His sister was half torn between the hopeless romantic in her thinking him ever so cute with his secret and the ever-prying little sister that she was thinking that he simply didn't have anything planned yet.

This had to be the what? Second girlfriend that he had actually informed the family about? When she heard that her brother had a girlfriend, she thought it wouldn't really be real, but now with him about to propose... She was suddenly reminded of the reason for dating--to find a companion.

She didn't have anything against the girlfriend. The girlfriend was quite sweet. Besides, she really thought that her brother was in love. This girlfriend really brought out the best in him; she had lived with him her whole life and she had never seen her brother so mature and thoughtful. Love did crazy things. She approved of the girlfriend.

It just felt somewhat sudden to her whom had never actually had a lover, whom had garnered so much from observing others in their play, whom had watched young and old relationships fall to pieces. It was so strange to see love in such a true and pure form. She had never seen it in her friends' relationships, not in her parent's either. This was such a pure form of love--not puppy love, not infatuation--but real, sincere, honest caring and concern.

Maybe it was slightly overwhelming.

awww!!! I still read drabbles by the way XD

xD Yay~ ^^ I meant to tell ya about it, but I don't think I got around to it in ramune or on aim or skype. ^^; And then I just randomly decided to drabble about it. xD

RANDOM

Ah, let go of me, you beautiful dream!
Cling to me no more and slip back to the ether
Let yourself unwind into nothingness
Renounce your undoable purpose
For you will accomplish nothing and because of that
Your life is futile.

RANDOM

You weigh upon my conscience. You are a burden to me. You make me feel guilty, as if I am in the wrong.

But I am not!

I am simply telling the truth. The pure and simple truth. I do not want you, and I likely never will.

So stop your bloody mourning over me!

It is not as if I've been lost to the wind forever and ever. I am still standing before you. You are in my presence. Is that not enough for you? Please do not ask for more. It will simply make things awkward. I know it doesn't have to, but it will--for me, it will.

Please stop doing this for both your sake and mine.

RANDOM

I do not truly mean that you are a burden. It's not that I never want to see you again. I do not mind being around you; it's simply that it is lurking at the back of my mind and eating away at my conscience that I've become a cruel, manipulative bitch or something.

But I know it is not cruelty when I know that a chance will fail before I give it. As it is, sometimes you must be cruel to be kind.

Still, I do not like being cruel for whatever reason.

Yet being kind would be a cruelty to both parties and completely unthinkable--inconsiderable!

I simply never saw myself becoming one of these girls. But then again, I suppose many are and simply aren't aware of it. Perhaps, now that I think of it, I was merely in ignorant bliss because I hadn't had to have faced this literally face to face. Oh online confessions from people I can't even remember don't really count. Those can hardly eat at one's conscience when one can barely recall a name. But a friend is harder. Who wants to hurt a friend?

RANDOM

No, I suppose asking you to get over me so quickly would be too high a hope. After all, do not drabbles of my own lost love turn up even now?

I suppose the difference is that my lost love shall never ever see or know of these. They will not get passed on through some third party remarking about how sad a story it was.

Yes, it is a sad story, but that's how life is. There are sad stories in it. Everything can't be happy. And that story is just going to keep getting sadder if the guy doesn't change his mind about it because the girl just doesn't see him that way. Awfully sad, isn't it?

But that's life, so suck it up.

Yet, people are not vacuums; such a feat is impossible.

Make excuses and drivel about it, but it sure as hell won't fix anything. Maybe it will make for some pretty poetry but nothing more.

And that is life, my dears.

RANDOM

Differences

Though perhaps you and I
Don't see quite eye to eye
We share much that is
The same; hers are his.

It is a certain trait
That we both must sate
Actually, it is simply surprise
Everyone is commonly derived.

Arrogance separates
Desperation conglomerates
Reaching for uncommon goals
Yet both fall into the same dark hole.

We are not so different
You and I; I'll relent
For some things we are
Of the same par.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
So I never realized just how many drabbles I've written! I checked the replies, and I know all of them aren't drabbles because a couple of them are silly things like this and there is the list itself. But that still doesn't dimish the count below 300! It's crazy. I never realized that I wrote this much. It almost feels too revealing--so much of my soul is posted up on the internet for all the world to see and mock or praise. However, I suppose the thing that makes me feel safe is the fact that this whole thing will mostly be ignored. Really, who else would read it other than a trusted friend or a stalker? Well, a fan would, but I can't really say I've got those (in the writing department and located on mene at least).

Oh well, this is basically a post of me going "yay! I didn't realize how much I actually wrote! I can't believe it! xD" So now I've celebrated, and now I'm done. Next post should be a proper drabble written at a later date.

aww, trusted friend will read....(am i trusted friend?) but yes, when I realized how much I wrote I was surprised as well. since then sticking to drabble topics.

Also thank you for yesterday/today's drabbles, it inspired me a bit to walk back into reality with my issues here. (yes that doesn't help the issues at all but still).

Of course you're trusted friend! *glomps* ^^

And yeah, the drabbles were something of a revelation. It's kinda like being the other side to all my musings, etc. But then, I certainly don't post them in a place where someone who knows the situation will share them. But then again, I suppose I'm not really being honest about them either, so it's a different situation. Bah.

I liked being ignorant and not having to deal with knowing, but just running away seems so very childish, which is something that I'm trying to not be. I mean, come on, my mannerisms are childish enough, but I, myself, do not have to be. ...Yes, I will be a walking contradiction. Yay.

And huzzah for drabble-ish response! xD

RANDOM

Your voice is fine wine to me. There is something so hauntingly wonderful when it strikes a particular chord; it sends shivers down my spine. Then there are other times when it simply makes me sigh in utter happiness. It is as if there is nothing more at that moment than your voice, and I must close my eyes and savor it.

It is much like good chocolate or sweet wine when the whole world seems to blink out of existence, and there is nothing but the richness of taste. It is the same way with your voice. There is nothing but the sound--its sound. And I wish I could roll my tongue over it as I would with chocolate, but how to do such a thing with sound? I fancy that maybe if I closed my eyes, my soul could do the same thing.

Intoxicating--that's what your voice is. I get that heady rush that alights a smile on my lips. Something about it just puts me at peace. I don't know. It's as if it speaks to something deep within me. It pulls at my mind and occupies it completely--not that I mind.

And I just can't get enough of it.

RANDOM - Too Full

I want to scream. I want to hide. I want to run. I want to curl up in a corner. It does not matter the action; there is simply something inside of me that wants to get out. There must be some release, some uncoiling, some spring!

If it does not fly free, it feels as if I would die. Is this anxiety? Anxiety about what? It is as if my heart would burst. It's as if I'm too full of feeling, and I just can't hold onto it any longer. But what to do? Where to put it?

There is no convenient outlet--no one to vent upon; no one to run to; no thing to do. There is nothing.

But I have everything. What am I to do with it?

RANDOM - Reflections on Being Back I

I loved it here; some things never change, but at the same time it feels like I've outgrown this place. Don't get me wrong, I still do love it, but it's just not the same. I'm not the same person. I can't go back to simply living through a computer and running away from boys again.

My friends are no longer the same. ...Or perhaps that's just it, they are the same. I've the one who has changed, and I now find them different. I see what I used to be. I see someone naive; someone who is too afraid to even try to love; someone so very zealous in herself and convictions; someone who is still so young.

It's not that it's a bad thing. It's simply a difference that I'm glad to have gone through. It's like looking at the college kids and high school kids. You can tell who is who. The difference between us college kids who left and who stayed is slightly more subtle. The ones who stayed still hold much of the high school mentality. They did not have to change to survive--well, not so much so. They still had the anchor that reminded them of the past. Because of that, they could still live like they used to and think of things how they were. It was still comfortable.

The ones who left were stranded alone in a strange place. They had to open back up. They had to do more. They had to bond with others tightly and quickly. It just happened. We began to know each other intricately. The relationships up there were so different from high school. And up there we were free. We were truly free. We did not have any inhibitions forced upon us, and we had the freedom and responsibility to do what we wanted. Such things change one forever.