38. Learn

When Dad died, I had to learn to deal with my anxiety and my fear. I had to learn that Dad was never coming back, and that no matter what I did or what I believed, he was gone forever. People die, I knew that my whole life, everyone dies. But why is it so hard to cope with death?

I learned that it was the way people died, and your relationship to them that makes it harder. I learned that it was the thought that they just weren't there anymore was what made it almost impossible to cope with.

39. Forgotten

I have a theory. It's a proven (almost proven) theory about death. Yes, death. See when people die everyone is like, "WAHHHHH HE IS GONE." WEll, that's bullshit. See, in my extremely valuable opinion (do you sense the underlying sarcasm there?), someone isn't gone until they are forgotten, completely and totally forgotten.

So, according to my theory, Napoleon isn't dead. Because there are millions of people that know who he is and have studied him in school and taken tests on him and written about it. So he won't be dead until the last person that ever studied Napoleon has forgotten him. Because in reality, we aren't gone until we're forgotten.

40. Laughter

I was watching Grey's Anatomy a few days ago and I was watching the extremely awkward sex scene between George and Meredith. Meredith started crying, except I thought that she was laughing. So I was sitting there in my bedroom thinking, "Is George's penis freaky-looking or something?" So then, in my completely perverted mind, I begin to picture a naked George with various penises (peni...?). "Oh look! George with a purple penis! Wow, it just transformed into a polka-dot penis!" It was an entertaining train of thoughts. Makes me chuckle.

41. Marked

The House of Night series begins with a book called Marked. Horrible book, bad writing, stupid characters, and a really retarded storyline. But the first book is called Marked. It's about, drumroll please, VAMPIRES. Shit, everything is about vampires lately. But to me, it really isn't.

Twilight vampires are not vampires at all. There is no such thing as a nice vampire. There are vampires that have been cursed with souls, but there is no such thing as a vampire that chooses to not eat humans just because. If it was that easy to not eat humans, then vampires wouldn't have gone down in history as being evil. Buffy/Dracula/True Blood vampires are the way to go.

I am marked with a taste. A taste for true evil, not fake retarded not-evil.

42. Good

I am good. Well, most of the time. I do my homework (mostly), I always call if I am going to be out late, I always wear my seatbelt, I get good grades. So does that make me "good?" Sure, I talk a little too much in class. I watch too much TV, I'm loud and obnoxious and rarely censor what I'm saying. But shouldn't the things I'm not doing cancel out the things I am doing?

Those pregnant, alocoholic potheads of the tenth grade should not be considered good. Partly because they are doing many illegal things, and are going to be failures at life in twenty years. So if they are considered not good, then I should be considered good.

43. Strawberry

A few weeks ago I got a fondue set, and I was super excited to use it. So I got together with my friends, and we attempted to melt some chocolate. We had strawberries and grapes to dip in our melted chocolate. Except, as we melted the chocolate it stopped melting and sort of died. Then we added some milk and put it in the microwave and it was a lot better. Then we put it in the fondue thingy and it started burning. So a few burned tongues later, along with a bunch of half eaten strawberries, we gave up.

I am fondue failure.

44. Intellect

I spew intellect. I spew intellectual contemplation and intellect. Damn, in comparison to half the people my age I'm a genius. But what makes my intellect? Is it my urge to learn new things? Is it my love of history and books? Is it the fact that deep down I secretly love Geometry (even if I played Tetris first period the whole year, but that's because my teacher was retarded and I live with a physicist that could teach me everything)?

I am surrounded by people that spew intellect. At dinner every night my family has discussions about politics, society, history, literature, etc. So it's my nature to spew intellect, right? What other girl is surrounded by Nobel prize winning physicists and mathematicians? ...That's what I thought.

45. Quick

The argument of ninjas vs. pirates has been going on for decades. My lunch table would frequently break out into arguments about it. See, pirates had more money and were a little more skilled with sea-travel, but ninjas and quick, speedy, and stealthy. Ninjas are kung-fu MASTERS. They are QUICKER than any pirate will ever be.

I do love pirates, but ninjas are badass. So yes, I am on the Ninja side of the Pirates vs. Ninjas debate.

46. Level

I like putting up pictures in my room, and because I have put up all of these pictures in frames I have permanently stolen my dad's level. And it's a pain in the ass, making sure that every frame is even and centered and not crooked. It makes me wish I could go back to those plain white walls. It was easier that way, less cluttered. But the pictures, they are me. They define me. They tell people that look at my room who I am in one glance. It's great.

47. Percent

On Grey's Anatomy, people are always because choices. Whether they want to undergo a surgery they only have a 50 percent chance of surviving, for the chance to live a long and fulfilled life. I think what I would choose. I could die now in the surgery without as much pain, I could not do the surgery and die a slow painful death, or I could survive and live the rest of my life. I like to think that I would just the surgery, but I will never know when I get placed in that position.