thom sat down the bottle. not beer, no, he hadn't come to that. he'd gone home, gone downtown. passed by all of the familiar faces, just going through them all.... he hadn't cared. shannon wasn't there. he needed her, missed her. he wondered if she'd be there tomorrow. would walking a thousand miles bring her to him? could he bring her back? god, he'd give anything to see her tonight. he thought of her, in times like this, whenever he nearly died.... everything was wrong. he knew he shouldn't even touch her precious memory. what he had done was unforgivable. and he wanted to try and just fall into the sky--let time pass him by, as it could, to the point where he would see her tonight. staring at the photo didn't do him any good; it just reminded him of how awful he'd been. he drowned in the drinks, in her memory, not wanting to let it go. and he made his way back, gone back to his house, not noticing the faces pass once more. push his way through the crowd, knowing how he needed her and missed her. please, just for tonight, let time pass us by--in reverse--let me see you, he yelled at his house silently. he'd do anything, walk forever, fall through the sky and into it, just to hold her, just to see her again, if only for tonight.

Storyline-HSC ([email protected])

Influence: 1000 Miles-Vanessa Carlton

do it--do it all. she couldn't stand around anymore, just watch their inaction. she had her own faith, within herself. but she wouldn't do as they said; she'd shout so loud.... after all, they had brought her back. she wasn't going to live forever, but she was going to live her own life. now that they all abandoned her, she really had to do it her way. it was her life, her way, her heart--her forever. she was the one to stand her ground, to not back down to thony, to ensure that they could still win this thing. thom felt the heat that thony was putting on, and he finally understood--his life, his way. mortality was looming, and they had to choose their ultimate sides. talk about your open highway--and doing it your way. she'd really gone out of the crowd. aim that crossbow at the evil so that it stops dead--stand tall, don't bend, don't break, and do not back down. the story of her life. she couldn't live forever, but she could make herself last forever by not backing down in front of the evil. do it her way, don't obey thony. he'd have killed you forever, but it wasn't his choice. she knew she couldn't live forever, knew what she wanted. now she just had to fix it all--make your ultimate decision, lili. live w/out lies, it's your life.

Storyline: HSC ([email protected], prepping to rescue Zane)

Influence: It's My Life-Bon Jovi.

it was all so strange. what had happened to her--to all of them??? he'd been perfect, it seemed so natural. it was what she'd needed, but it had just been more lies about some world that never was and never will be. he had no shame, what he had done.... couldn't he see the way everyone was fooled? and now, starra.... bow down in wonder.... what was so special??? oh, how she loves you, no flaws as you pretended. but now i know she never was, not as you think she is, adam. you don't know--you can't know--how you've betrayed me now. but without the mask, without the way that you appear to everyone, how could you find yourself in all of your lies???? all the lies that you told confused me, but now i know who you are.... i think i don't love you anymore.... and it never was, never will be, do you know how you have betrayed me??? you've fooled us all, but you're not real--not as you seemed. you aren't real, not like this, and you cannot save me. somehow, you've changed--from us as your fools, to our fool. maybe they all know it too; know all of your lies, and one day she won't love you anymore. no, everything that you said never was, and it never can be. i get that now. it was what we needed, more lies, but maybe we needed truth??? think about it, adam. what is it you see when she comes, and when you stare in wonder at her??? or are you just pretending--to avoid all of the natural flaws??? but no, you're perfect, only you never were and never will be. you've betrayed me so very much, and somehow, you've fooled everybody. i just don't get it--where will you hide now??? you can't find yourself when you're lost in all of your lies, and i think you know the truth, too. i don't love you anymore, adam. because it never was and never will be. you've betrayed me, and you aren't real; you can't save me.

Storyline: HSC ([email protected], past)

Influence: Everybody's Fool-Evanescence

It hurts. Being here--back with him. I can't let on, I don't want him to say anything. It's far too dangerous, and would he even listen? It would hurt more than anything else if he didn't believe me now, and he wouldn't. I'm pretending to be someone I never wanted to play--and everyone knows me, everyone sees me, they love and hate me. Some of them pity me--killing me with their damned kindness. If we're nice enough, the bad people will FEEL bad and go away. No, loves, it doesn't work like that. They know I'm dangerous--that's why they tried to "fix" me. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. And I can't forget just because I want to. There'll always be that ghost, that awkwardness--and your pity.
Song: Killing With Kindness-Tears for Fears

Storyline: TBS (needs new title still)

I took it all, and still I hoped--it's no hope, is it? I can't be with you, and I can't change that. I'm stuck, stuck oh so lonely without you. You believe that I'm still trying to hurt, betray--no, I'm too stuck in my own pain. If only you could see the truth.. Instead, you destroy me as I destroyed you so many years ago. I suppose that's life. Goodbye.

Song: C'est La Vie-Vanessa Carlton

Storyline: TBS (Jacqueline as leaving)

I can't ask you to talk about it--it was nothing you did, nothing you said. I'm so sorry that I did what I did. You know we were meant to be--and I'm only pretending, and it's my happy ending that's gone, too. We weren't perfect, but we were so very close. I am so sorry that we lost it; I want it back so much. I wasn't acting--Cos, I'm sorry. I can't take it back, now, can I? I can finally explain, but you don't want to know. You were everything that I wanted, and it'll never fade away.

Song: My Happy Ending-Avril Lavigne

Story: TBS

She showed up in a second or third-hand black dress--no one expected anything better from her. She wore a battered cloak over it and had fake-looking angel's wings at her back. She was unfit for them, and it gave them confidence. That confidence, perhaps, was why they did not observe her scythe and swirling powers. With that, she gleefully cut them all down. The few remaining--those whom she needed to get the most--were left trembling as she removed her wings from her back... They were no wings, but a bow that she held to their trembling throats. "Now," she said with grim happiness, "You will tell me what I need to hear."

Storyline: Gaia Story

Influence: This avatar.

She was dressed casually; her shirt might have come from Michael or Traves. A borrowed guitar was strapped to her back, and she wore the scarf common to all of the clans around here; a simple red scrap. She could pass unnoticed with this about her mouth and nose. She carried weapons, but so did everyone else. As she walked with the sword and pitchfork, demonbow hidden near the guitar, she wondered why she was always the one sent out to complete spying missions. She passed amongst the rebels; she could understand a cause against these tyrants, but they were going about it the wrong way.

Storyline: Gaia story.

Influence: This avi.

He wore the gowns of a religious man as he sneaked into the church. He didn't want to deal with the rigmarole that he knew would ensue if he entered looking as he normally did. The priests of this planet--all planets--were not especially fond of him. Disguised as this, though, he would get answers. He leaned heavily on the cane as he made his way in; a crippled priest might draw more attention than one who wasn't, but his sword was disguised this way. He would never enter the heart of an enemy without a weapon.
Storyline: Gaia story.

Influence: This avi.

I feel so lost and confused. I'm lying in my bed awake at night, because I don't want to go to sleep. So many mistakes that I have made, and they all begin and end with your name. I can't even tell where to begin...

I can't do it right; nothing ever seems to last. I can't even stop long enough to figure out what I'm missing. I cannot walk away from my love's death; I see no alternative. It depresses me, it horrifies me, it crushes me. And I am stuck. I only want to do something good, and I don't know how.... I know that I want to feel everything at once. I can't tell when I've gone too far and when I haven't gone far enough; I can tell that I should've kept my mouth shut in front of you, though, Thony. I cannot walk away from this; I felt him die like I did, and that was what they wanted.


It comes back to me that I am just a girl in a panic; I'm stuck in the middle of this and it drives me crazy. You can all see it, and it scares me, and you leave me. Thony, it's only you who stay around, and that's just to try and help--hinder--me.

I won't walk away this time. I betrayed him before, and before, and I can't let him be dead just because of what he means to me. In what universe is that just?

So I'm lying here awake and waiting for thoughts of Zeale to fade so that I might sleep.


Influence: This Time-Vanessa Carlton
Storyline: HSC ([email protected]'s death and attempting to resurrect him).

It finally occurs to me that I've been searching for everything in all of the wrong places. And though I want to laugh in your faces, I know that it isn't really worth it.... I have finally figured it out and reached my vindication.... I regret being without you, but I can deal with it. I may be stubborn--but there is nothing wrong with that. I am surrounded by heroes.... Heroes and wannabes, stealing the glory. I have figured out that I miss you. It's you that I'm without; the love and truth and sweetness and gentleness and kindness that you bring to me. I am surrounded in Thony and those like him; they're all so wrong..... I am not wrong, and I know it. When I am (and I was, so recently), it's fresh in my mind. It seems like I have reached a brink... I have finally found the final piece of my puzzle; thank you for believing in me when you did. And I only wish that I had vindicated you. I am numb from my mistakes--but I now know the truth. Trust me, I can see that some day--when we'll all be clear--I'll be coming back for you. I can't tell apart the good from the bad (how can you, when they're identical) but I can tell what you are... I'll be back for you.

Influence: Heroes & Thieves-Vanessa Carlton

Storyline: HSC (summer of hate)

Aaah. I am ready to be here and forgetting all about you. (Really, I could never forget about you, but this is one of the many places you'd never expect me to show up. It's a bloody strip club, Traves, and Jexica would never frequent one. Isn't this where you wanted me? You wanted me here to show Michael what a bitch I was, but I would never be here.)

And I might be faking this... Yes, you've thought of that, I can see it in your eyes. Jexica would never be caught dead in this place, but you're scared of me. Your fear gives me power, you know. The fact that you fear me so when I can't do much means that I can do about ten times more than I am truly capable of.

Ah, Traves. You overestimate me. I'll admit that my powers are great--and they're far bigger than they thought--but I'm not all-powerful, all-knowing, god/goddess blah blah blah. I am capable of this, as you fear, going to this place I despise... But I'm not capable of it all. I'm wallowing in your naivity, and it makes me happy.

Influence: But It's better If You Do-Panic!
Storyline: Gaia story

You promised me heaven and you put me through hell, Zeale sings. My worst nightmare. Some semiconscious part of me tries to whisper that this isn't, can't possibly be real. "You're all to blame, Lili. You're playing your game." I love you, Zeale. And I try to tell you everything across the miles, across time.... You see me smile and it kills me, you tell me. Because you "know" what I am. What am I, then?

I am a loaded gun?

I am a liar?

I am a whore?

I'm one of those, love; you can pick which you believe me to be. I don't really give love a bad name; this is killing me. I can't stand knowing that I hurt you so; I can't stand knowing that you fear me and are hurt and on some level hate me...

I have shot you? I am so sorry, Zeale. I wish I could tell you... I wish you could know everything.... Worse than this is telling you, as I do now, and you responding in kind.... You know the truth and do not care.... Please, no.
Influence: You Give Love A Bad Name-Bon Jovi (remake)
Storyline: HSC (Nitemare world)

She walked, talked, even could drink and think like a real girl. I called her my angel at times; very rarely because she hated pet names. But she'd take them from me. I look in these magazines, years later... She's in the middle, the main story. She talks about her old life, her happy life, and her new life.... I can't stand the spin that everyone puts on it (and I wonder why I'm not mentioned).

All of these porn stars who like to dress like she does and dance around, trying to entice people.... Half of me laughs, knowing that she would hate it (and for that I want to love it), and the other half is furious because I cannot stand that. It's such a mockery... Even if that's all that she was, having them dumb it down even further...

I can't deny that I am still drawn to you; I buy any magazine with you in it--even the damned tabloids. I watch every film you've made, buy them via special order.

You are the centerfold, my--love--I cannot stand it. My memories are being sold; do I mean nothing? You're public. You are the public.
Influence: Centerfold-J. Geils Band
Storyline: TBS (Cos on Jaq's fame)

Running around with the angelbow to the back... Green pants all tattered, blue jacket looking far more expensive than she should be able to afford.... Pure, opalescent white shirt gleaming as she stalked. Guardian angel? Yeahright. She wouldn't play Jiminy Cricket for any strung-out kid, not in THIS reality. It drove her crazy, the expectations that went along with it. A present from Chantha and Aquariana--godmother. Like she ever wanted it, but she wouldn't ever deny them. Especially not after what happened last time she was here.

This meant that when they wanted their brat pulled out of harm's way, well, she had to help. She didn't have to be nice about it, though. When the kid's friends (not even sober enough to recognize that she was far too old for them) tried to "greet" her, she slapped him across the alleyway, scooped him, and teleported back to the palace. Flashy, but worth it.

Influence: This avi.

Storyline: Gaia Story.

She looked dangerous; dangerous and competent. She knew that. At first, she would look like a schoolgirl; long white button-down shirt and a red, frilly skirt. But sooner or later the observer would take into account that she wore huge black boots and bore the insignia of this world's mafia. Since she was a stranger, no one would know that it was really just a pin she had won in an off-planet contest, and not even really from the mafia.

The fact that she also had overlarge throwing stars would also help to detract passers-by from mistaking her for an innocent child. She carried her demonbow at the back--it didn't look the same as it had once it was interwoven, but it was good enough. She smiled; they would leave her alone. They would be too frightened to do anything else.

Influence: This avi.

Storyline: Gaia story.

Michael looked at her again; her eyes were streaming fire and there were pillars of flame from her back. She was laughing uncontrollably, wearing very little. The most that they could get to stay on her was a black towel around her waist and a red tube top. Everything else overheated and burst into flames. The damned necklace was still around her neck; it turned white-hot whenever anyone tried to remove it.

She would insist on wearing it, wouldn't she. She couldn't let someone else take the danger, let them try on the stupid thing. No, she said that she felt "drawn" to it and that she was sure that she was strong enough. It would kill her; he knew that. And all that he could do was stand by and watch. He wouldn't have that.

"Watch her," he snarled at Tanja as he walked away. He was going to the temple--the temple that they so worshiped here. They could get no medical attention because it was supposed to be an HONOR to be chosen; it was supposed to make her feel overjoyed. All it made her feel was burning. They refused to help her; they claimed that she would be reborn as their one true god.

It was time for him to make sure that this god would never manifest.

Influence: This avi.
Storyline: Gaia story.

She climbed up with her guitar again.... This world was a decent enough place; she favored them with her angel's guitar. It was made with a sapphire and had strings forged from her excess angel's wings. She made them in a similar way as she had made her angelbow--and both were enchanted to be unbreakable.

She wore her Night scarf as well; it sparkled with the power of the stars and glittered with the moons and all of the nights ever. Michael was jealous of it; they usually shared it. She was forever trying to gather the ruhig and calmness to make another one for him... They would both be unique, she knew, but hopefully they could interchange them.

She wore the expensive corset--a gift from so long ago, created in the elegant style of an even older era--along with her red skirt. Feeling naked without some sort of weapon, she wore her demonbow to counteract the "holiness" that could come as a result of her guitar. The little white fox that had somehow become attracted to her wrapped itself around her leg as she hummed with her music. It was gentle, and she suspected it to be somewhat mystical; it was more like a cat than a fox (from what she knew of foxes, which was admittedly little).

Influence: This avi.

Storyline: Gaia story.

For this--so complex--she strapped both of her precious guitars to her back; angelic and demonic, calling on all of the powers that she could possibly harness. She saw the demons coming at her--combined with the angels of hell--and knew that she might not survive. She needed Michael for this; she wished that she could concentrate on calling him to her for just a millisecond. But she couldn't remove her eyes from the book; the ancient languages shifted almost before she could finish reciting them.

She held out a katana in front of her, wishing that she could have more weapons. But she needed one hand just to hold the book.

She had armor on, but it only covered her chest; it wouldn't be of much help against these bastards, anyway. She knew that she wouldn't win...

MICHAEL.....

Influence: This avi.

Storyline: Gaia story.

Master of forces greater than yourself.... When the night is here is when I feel it; I am alive and alone--but so full of LIFE.

Falling out of this reality into the one next door; I run to the next galaxy on a whim, and I am undeniable. You want to oblige me, for I am the power...

Night! Night, when I am alone and together. Catch me now? Ahh, if you won't, I will not be back. The moon rises and I am sent away; I cannot be with you in the dark.

No..... no, the power is mine..... When the night comes and no one knows what I do--I can hear it, I can feel it, I've got my connection to the powers. It's me, it's inside, and I feel it even if you don't. It's mine and they can't take it back.... I am not your puppet...

I drown in the silence that surrounds me, you put to sleep everyone else--and why I am I immune? Why am I the only one who isn't forced into your private game?

At night, I belong to myself. It's my own music and my own song.

You will not deny me, I know this much.

I am the power that you can't see; no one knows but me.

Influence: Private Radio-Vanessa Carlton

Storyline: THAT'S a good question. Perhaps Gaia Story, perhaps my "Star Wars" story (started as a fanfic, turned into something else), perhaps a fanfic of Dark City. The Matrix? I don't know. But I like it.

You've taken a deep dark step into my head; can you see my fantasies? Can you see myself? Only you can tell; can you see me raging away?

It is life inside of me; it is my internal complication. It's without you, and you must accept that you are a closed door. Spew your lies, darling; you're just hurt on her behalf. Or maybe you're just jealous.

I have no way to tell.

Say him, say me, say that it is not us, though; you must accept it. It is not forever more, Bhen. See the truth within my perfect harmony. Only Zeale can harmonize it; you clash. You hurt the purity; you do not fit.

Say--say you're here--say you need me--say you're confused and conflicted--say you're you and not me. Devour that truth.

Influence: C'Est La Vie-Vanessa Carlton

Storyline: HSC

It was a daring outfit for her; open skirt and only a vest and jacket on top. She was unready for a battle--she hadn't known that one was coming, and she was furious to be taken by surprise. She grabbed her pitchfork and katana, threw the demonbow to her back, and began to slice through the bastards. Her pendant glowed with power--it harnessed the strength of the pitchfork and the bow. It would also, she knew, scare the more religious of the fighters she was against.

Sure enough, a few of them fell back when they saw the red glow. She saved them for last, cutting down one and shoving the other to the wall. Instead of her katana--more trustworthy, undoubtedly--she held her pitchfork to his throat. She knew that she looked unbalanced (and when assassains come for you in the night, that's the only way worth looking) and knew that he feared her all the more for that. "Why?" she snarled. The pendant glowed and pulsed as he struggled.

Influence: This Avi.
Storyline: Gaia story.

She walks alone, through the alleys and the backways; they think that she is safe. No, she is abandoned. It was a beautiful lie, Jexi--and you won't accept a lie.

Evil comes disguised.... She stared him in the face. No, no, no. RUN. JUMP. River.... She hated drowning. He knew that, she knew that..... She jumped, wouldn't survive. I may have done so much wrong before, but I swear that I am right.

You grew up fast. You shifted fast. You believed it, didn't you, Jexi? You knew the truth before you would admit it to yourself. If she ever comes back, she'll be far stranger.

I know that evil's disguised.... But I shift from Jexi to Traves....

I want no religion; I want me. I am a strong believer. I am alone, and I want to go home. Dammit, Michael, I want to come home, take me back? Please?

On my own; from the river.

Storyline: Gaia Story.

Influence: The River-Good Charlotte.

I've got everything in the way that you would love, and we both know it. I've got everything ready for me and for you...

I'm ready for the best of the best, lover. If you want to go down in history, then I'm your man. (Not a man, but close enough.) We could make a legend together, darling. We could be the best--we could be the history. Are you ready for me, as I'm ready for you?

I'm every mistake, I'm obsessed, I'm indifferent, I'm every cliche, but you love me for it. I am everything that you love; I am everything that you hate. But you know that I'm the best, for that I fascinate you. And I wonder which was first (hate or love)? And I wonder which will remain to the last. I am everything, I am your first and last chance. Will you choose me? Will you take me on? Am I yours?

Which came first, and which do you want more? I went to sleep and woke up a different me. And I don't know what's left.

Influence: Music or the Misery-Fall Out Boy

Storyline: Gaia story

Drum beats of far away coming for you; it's a final and climactic battle. You see people fall all around you, and you hope to all of the gods you haven't slain yet that you will not fail. You fight, and you feel the surge of the battle-lust rise in you. You lust for it, yes, and you know that. You want it so badly... You wonder when it will come for you.

You can see your lover fighting; never say die. He'll live with you, and you know it. Forevermore, forevermore and tomorrow is when that could end. You don't want to let go but must continue. You see him cut and go mad. You swing, you rage, and you are not quite in your mind. But you know that you will not let him be taken--not by this enemy--not by anyone. He goes hand-to-hand---

Influence: Music from Pirates.

Storyline: Gaia story.