random

I have come to realize
that I can not do what I want
when I want
I have to not be a full rock
but rather a fish
able to swim upstream
in times
and go with everything
at times
it is like this
that i feel most at ease
my colors slowly fading
as I sleep
the issues gone
the feelings lax
as i understand
do you want to?
I am strong
but I miss you dearly
what happens
if I run away
we will miss each other
so who is it
that you can't see anymore?
I know it is not me
but I want to understand
who it is
I want to be there
to please you
to be the fish
that watches you
watches it all
and just stares
as everyone else passes by
not caring about itself
for time is relative

random

to her
can you save me any more than you already do
yo look on the bright side
but not always
that would just be annoying
you keep me up
push me where i need to go at times
keeps me happy
love the light
just like I
you brought me here
to where I can write
to where I feel no shame
in my words
it is that then
that I understand
what happened
in October
when I had nothing to feel
and knew I didn't
but it was then
that you kept me happy
that you gave me a reason
to walk in the snow
that you amuse me so
so keep this
for my sake
please never
abandon me

random

I love it
the color black
or so I do now
i didn't as much
but I feel that this
this chracter
is the inner me
black
unlike what people think
it was weird
but then
I see it
the hopign I can fly
it was funny
to watch it all
to read it all
don't be scared by it
I won't bring up anyhting
like him
the pretty one
the one i shall now chase when I can
but should I
I have no time
so what now?
I must run to town
that is the decision
so can I run
once I am out
tomorrow?

random

it is in this peace
this peace that wasn't here before
that i feel at ease
that I want to write
write till there is no tomorrow
I am not an author
but I can do what I can
she gave me hope
hope I planned to lose here
for that
I am greatful
I hope to not lose this
while with her
while I can
will this ever get old
or will we have fun
being who we are
for the rest of our time
possibly
so if you left me
I would be sad
so don't be half the class
and keep here with me.

random

why must I do this

I am more than adequate
I have done most of my life
not needing to do more
I have done this
for four years
don't make me do it again
it is stupid
i know more than you do
so it is silly
why should I?
so now
after all
I wil ldo it
jsut late
it is silly
i will write it all
no need for the silly program
that is all I am saying
so let us go
and with wings I have already grown
can I continue
flying?

random

I worry

I worry when
I seem on 24/7 by others
when people think i have no life
I do
I spend lots of time not on
but it does not seem this way
for I have some time
and in that
try as hard as I can
being here
if I could do everything at once
I would
I have a life
a life that consisted of making things
a life outside this portal
but then
why do people think i have none
so if I have both none and defiantly have one
then what am i?

random

do you see it
the hints I give
sitting next to you
and watching you
I wanted to snuggle
but i know it is not the drug
I am just more aware of it all now
I want no sleep
I want nothing
but to see me
in your arms
it doesn't work the other way
especially with someone taller
don't show your weakness to me
for it confuses me
and I feel like I should bow down
to the one i like
I am not the top
I won't be
but it is fun
i can play the part
but if you want me there
I won't let you
not ever
that is the mistake of them
the ones I feel I have rejected

it is then
that I know what I want
so please
let me stand there
being with you
like I want to be
sitting next to you
at all times

random

the pretty one
sitting by me
people look
expect me with him
I am not sure what will happen
if perusing him means nothing
he at some point might think
think over what we said
think about my contradiction
then either ask
or know
that i want
something different
will he respect my wish in words
or my mind
if he asks
it will cause me to melt
in his arms
but that is what I like
the ones who ask
instead of guessing
using words
or actions
to know
it matters not
for in general
I won't take anyone less
someone guessing
isn't good
someone with no emotions
no words
is nothing
but a large animal
a domesticated animal

random

when I walk

there is nothing
but me
and the one next to me
no care
what goes on
I could ignore it all
i am in a world
by myself
but in a world none the less
so can I wake up
to see it all
in the winter snow
can anyone see the beauty
that I see
the purity
and otherwise
what I am not
cold
the cold rips through us
giving us a reason
and me
a reason to hold onto you

random

what was the purpose of that
to see it all
but then why
why does it matter
it is funny
for you don't see anything
but otherwise
why?
why was that shown
I mean now I understand
that people see nothing
and need the fan service
but it is stupid
but that is ok
it is weird though
to think you are
so innocent
as to not see it ever

63. freight

do you understand
you can not control another person's happiness
you think I don't know that
that I haven't dealt
knowing i can't control my own very well
or other peoples
I stopped trying to at some point
that is what has happened
you can't control
what you aren't
that is why
ytou think I want to hurt you
every time you tell me to be happy
what gives you the right to thin kyou can change it
what gives you the idea that I actually care
me
sittign in the corner
alone
crying
it is my life
and that is how I have been
I don't know what I want
what would make me happy
so neither would you
no one does
that is why I refuse to spar him
or talk to you now
all I want to do
is live on
I don't need happiness to live
just a reason to live
so events go on
they are fun
but if life takes a turn for the worst
I will be there
either dead
or still standing
but crying

63. freight part 2

do you see
I can not be tamed
or understood
for I see not my own understanding
does it frighten you
to see me
lying there
unable to want to move
unable to
with emotions in a coma
not caring what happens to her
is that what you want?
or is it all scary to you?
to know
you can't change
my sadness
you can't take some formula
and make me happy
I am bitter to the end
not knowing it
but you can't change my emotions
so why do you?
it seems silly
I am not a puppet
a thing in your mind
I live
I breathe
and if anyone had control
on my comatose emotions
it would be me

63. freight part 3

Do you grasp the concept?
that nothing is left
that yes indeed the words are true
it turns out you can't take responsibility for someone else's happiness
it is true
and I know it
and you seem to think you can't
you can try to
and be what we are
the guardians
but it is fine
but don't be sad
when it all breaks down
when you can't take someone's hand
and make them feel better
that is not possible
and sure you think ti is sad
but do you see
what life is like
beyond your barrier
your bubble
or is that your problem
you live
in fantasy?

random

one day, one week, one year

one day
it is from the time a sun rises
to the time the sun sets
the 24 hours
of everything
one day
the world could be destroyed
it lasts so long
like it shouldn't
but then what happens
when we feel
like a day passes quickly
one day
all the events one does
would take a year to write about
every emotion
every step
not logically
but just the observation
the response
just proof
one day is long
but then one day
can be summarized
by a simple sentence
so then
is it short
or is it that everyday life
doesn't necessarily change?

random

one day, one week, one year

a seven day cycle
if it takes a year to write the events of a day
does it take seven to write about a week?
it seems silly
but an issue shouldn't stay
shouldn't be outstanding
in my mind
for a week
a week is too long
a day is still in the moment
but the calming
the cooling off
the anger
can happen quickly
but it should all be gone before a week
the resolution must also come
a week without someone
can mean a lifetime without them sometimes
if it is crucial
one week
and I can know someone
tell what I like about the person
tell what they want to do
decide if they are worthy of anything
or if they could be soemthing more
this also gives me time
to hate someone
to know
I don't like them one bit
to know that no matter what
I will always try and be surface to him
in one week
every relationship
can be blown up
and as such
I fell one week
is short
but long
for it's length
determined
only by weather you want the feeling to last
or for it all to be gone

random

one day, one week, one year

in one year
you could write about a day
but a year
365 days
it is the time
to watch as my life
in a large cycle
turns from amusing to depression and back
it is when a year passes
it is time to look back
back on my life
the life that i lead
even at the time
does one celebrate
their one year time
a passage of time
52 weeks
52 times of smaller living times
of emotions going everywhere
no one can say they were always happy in a year
the year is long
very very long
but when a year passes
it is a feeling
a feeling of relief
that anything isn't gone
that the time spent together is precious
that each event was great
that each event caused me nothing
but some emotion
that tied to the next
a year
is time for reflection
on all of them that have gone by
that all I am
is what can be left
when I look back
on a year

17. outer vs. inner self

I am not stable
people look at me weird
like how can you not be
how can you not be the weirdest person
you seem friendly
void of all problems
but that is a lie
I have issues
any everything
seems to be a problem
internally
or externally
once I did hide it all
and people thought everything was fine
thought I would one day stand on my own
people worried
that I was a loner though
for I never used people
as a crutch
I wanted it all
internally to be there
to not need someone
no need for those
who cause issues
no crutch
no friends
i was what I was
at face value
I am what I seem to want to be
holding a mask out
with layers on it's own
all over me
i wear an outer skin
for that reason
no one can see behind it
unless I want them too.

17. outer vs. inner self

i am the least stable of us all
I think of me not existing
of what would happen
if one saw through the mask
and saw the hideous creature Iwas
to those who see it
they only look at it
they don;'t see the mask ever
but then
when I have the mask on
they guess
guess at what is below
has it changed?
or is it the same
It
the monster
loves to watch as it takes it all in
then explodes
loves to eat the fire inside me
and then wonders why
when it is full
that I break
shatter
the small embers
if too many
cause issues
eating fire slowly still hurts
just over a longer time

17. outer vs. inner self

part 2

the fire
the monster eats it
always
but the small stuff
it can deal with
but what happens
when it is hit
with a huge one
the gate falls
the gate
that keeps everything away
the blast
the explosion
it breaks the mask
the mask so carefully built
and then it all fades
and everything
reveals the monster
it wants to hide
but it lacks a monster
it tries to pick up a piece
a piece of the mask
but it still is small
and so when everyone sees the monster
they want to help it
and then
wonder
when they can't ever satisfy it
it refuses to have them around her
she walks away
running
and wants to re piece both her
and the mask
but that takes time
time alone
so why do they swarm her
asking for her to be with them
for them to help
they are not kind to this monster
though they think they are
this monster
wants the mask back
so it can chose again
who sees it
and who
it shall be a mask only for

random

are we all that bored
bored enough that we all want to find something better to do
or is it just us
the ones who have to multi task
it is just a strange case
I sleep
he stands there
watching over me
like it doesn't matter
he saw me
when I use to
I wanted to take pictures
when I saw him
sleeping
so peacefully
he
like me
is only at peace
when we sleep best
so then
what happens
if we were together
the guardian
and me
we have fun
stating guardians together
wanting to be there
so it was never an issue
when we stand here
together
for all of eternity

random

is life
without it's issues
are the guardians ever together
or is it both
that we never play our cards fully
is that the issue
or is it that we know we can
and choose to never do so
so are we
or are we both holding back
seeing what play is happening next
queen for love
jack for understanding
each on a great level
conceptually
we can all play
but see
it seems
that people play to early
but the time frame
to play a card
is small
and we can not always see it
even to each other
so are we playing it
or holding out?

random

can you see it
can you see into the darkness
into the creature I have become
into my life
and into my soul
my disfigured form
the form without a life
a form
that shows no wanting
to ever be here again
it is in this state
that I hide
that I want to be no where
but behind a curtain
so this face
this bloody face
does not show at all
don't leave me behind
it is a true statement
but I am running ahead
a head
so that you could not see
that my face
was so disfigured
that what I became
was nothing
but my own
strange version
so can you stay behind
and try to stay
or will you fall
like you currently are
wanting to be with me
but tired of thinking you see my face
but instead
you are seeing my back

random

all the water gone
i am not optimistic
I am a realist
I understand
what happened
that I left it is for too long
that everything
is not able to be changed
so why do you suggest
that i let it continue
that I somehow fill the cup
what am I suppose to have
powers to create water
so that it is true
when I see the glass empty
that you tell me it is full
that is a waste of time
I know what I know
I see it all for what it is
nothing less
nothing more

random

are you avoiding me
are you afraid
afraid of it all
I see straight through you
I saw it
the small amount
past all the lies
I knew
despite what you said
I knew
I stood firm
firm against them all
against your peer pressure
you don't care
you were scared of this room
I gave it an aura
aura
of don't touch me
but you tried
you did as bad
touching my stuff
and now
it doesn't matter
for you are gone
it was stupid
for you don't understand
what happened should have
long ago

reflection

I have fianlly started the 2 part and multiple view parts of my original list. in a few days I will have exceeded my list by 3 times as much as what was planned. So there is a few options, this includes a new thread, though I think I won't be doing that. Also I am thinking on publishing the works, and for fun, but wondering what would happen if someone read all this, or just opened it randomly.

Anyway, that is the thoughts. I will update the front page soon with all the new done ones, but till then, won't be.