random

the series - 37

why are all of you so grumpy
it is not by me I hope
I ran the issue insane
I fixed the issue
even Mark was impressed
i did what I wanted with it all
and I changed what I could
my face of action
fast
unlike everyone else's
but who can say
when it all dies
that I was there, standing
and knew how to control
what had gotten out of hand.

random

the series - 38

why must I be teased so
i want you
but I know better
I chose a while ado to not do anything
because you were older
but then to see
in five years
who am I
did you not see what happened to us all
I can't do anything
for I still think it is amusing
for it is scary yes
but like him and I
our nature is the same
but we both lock it up.

random

the series - 39

We all wonder
how i did that that fast
i said I was sorry in the beginning
I wrote the letter when I woke up
and then deliver
my thoughts
my actions
all to fix this issue
I came back
knowing what I would find
but it was a case
comfort those who can't handle it
and those who can
go behind
and slowly
i talked to each
and explained

random

the series - 40

And we all know why
we all now see
even when I am in a state
that it doesn't work well
when I want everything
i want to have it all
I still deal with the issue
I still know exactly what it is like
i feel my blood pumping
just because of them
it is silly
but I understand
that is affection
that is what we are

random

the series - 41

if I was traumatized then
then I am traumatized now
for you see
it is all over me
i still type it all here
it is silly
but it makes sense
I want the relief
the understanding
the knowledge that no matter what
i will be there
that in the end
I can be there to see us all

random

the series - 42

when we told others
there were a limited number
that which people wanted to tell
for Liz, it was one
for me it was one
for Tom it was one
I suspect Zack might know, migth not
it is Mark's choice
but realistically
it is stupid
for I seem to understand
that this virus
this virus that should have never existed
happened.

random

the series - 43

when it all broiled down to it
this year was by far the weirdest
I have had issues
had someone want to suicide over me
for my actions
for it all to wash away
had to deal with me traumatizing someone
that was not always existent
then had to deal with one affectionate person
one person who
I managed to know better for a small time
and by the end of it
couldn't stop.

random

the series - 44

if I could deal with it all. Then I'd e happy
if I could know what I do
would I be happy?
would I understand all that there is
that what I did was awkward
maybe
but I want to play
play with this board in front of me
play with it all
and then choose
which would i prefer.

random

the series - 45

When it all broils down to it
can we even stay for that long
can i keep it all up
if he fails me
I know his wishes is to do nothing
but the question is
in my state
would i show up at your door
unable to comprehend a thing
and even without going there
watching as I am on the bed
pinned
and having fun
it would be weird
but possible
but that is soemthing
that he probably wants badly.

random

the series - 46

that would be my dream I guess
but not really
it is a fun realistic thing
fun for them
fun for me
I learn what I need
they don't mind being a pawn
if it means soemthing for them too
as for me that is true too
i let myself play a pawn
regardless if I can play better
for you see
it is fun to be the weakling at times.

random

spacial theory part 1

When I walk into a building, I do not see rooms or walls. I see space.

I see the space as someone else has created it, and I see the possibilities the structure holds. I begin brainstorming changes using walls and dividers to improve or change the space. In my mind’s eye, I am constantly dividing and recreating inhabitable space; although, sometimes my ideas are whimsical and I imagine what the space would look like if people were not bound by gravity, or if space could move and change with the mood of its occupants.

random

spacial theory part 2

As a kid, I drew objects isometric. My mom likes to show off my cows, which I drew sideways so the cow was looking at me with both eyes. I drew the cows with depth by showing all four legs, which where curved so I could color the entire cow. I did not draw stick figures or flat cows. As a young adult, I am better at sketching the space of an object rather than the lines created from the space.

random

spacial theory part 3

This ability to visualize in three dimensions has helped me see objects drawn as a model on two dimensional spaces. Currently, I am recreating a two dimensional blade from a video game. I started my project by drawing the space around and inside the object on drawing paper. Using the sketch and the image in my head, I can build the blade using wood as medium and a jigsaw to cut the shape.

random

spacial theory part 4

One building I am constantly re-imagining is my high school. The classrooms and hallways are a series of intermixed triangles and hexagons. The building is aesthetically pleasing, but it is not a comfortable learning environment nor is it not an efficient use of space. Most of the classrooms are a polygon shape, which leaves dark, unused corners in various places around the room. Some of the rooms must be arranged so student’s desks do not face the whiteboard or the teacher. My peers and I are forced to crane our necks and sit awkwardly to take notes or speak with the teacher. If I could change the classrooms, I would make the rooms more trapezoidal. I would arrange the rooms so the teachers sit at the smaller end of the trapezoid, in front of a white board. The student’s desks would fan out into the larger area of the trapezoid, facing the teacher. The desks would be staggered so every student could easily see the teacher and the whiteboard. The class could utilize the entire classroom for learning activities instead of avoiding corners the just gather dust.

random

spacial theory part 5

Another problem with my high school is the hallways. Due to the sharp geometric shapes, the hallways will turn suddenly. Our student center is the central hub of the school. The center is shaped like a large diamond, and the main hallway borders the diamond. Students must use the main hallway to move between classrooms. The student lockers line both sides of the main hallway. Although this design looks nice, it is not very practical for hardworking students because we have to remember to turn while walking down the hallway. Distracted students, including myself, are known to bump into the concrete separators to the lockers when the hallway abruptly changes direction. If I could change the school layout, I would have one walkway that goes straight through in a linear line with no turns or bends. I realize a straight walkway is not very creative, but it would save students from bumps and bruises. I would still have the lockers border the hallways. However, I would put dividers between the hallway and the lockers so when students are walking to class, they do not trip over the students getting things from their locker.

random

spacial theory part 6

I am learning to apply my natural ability to visualize in three dimensions and the new skills I learned this summer to plan projects on two-dimensional spaces. Currently, I am making a wooden version of an intricate two-dimensional keyblade from a video game. The keyblade is an elegant weapon, as well as an important key in the game. I started my project by drawing the space around and inside the keyblade on drawing paper. There is a center rod holding the keyblade together. From that rod, the main body of the weapon extends in the shape of a heart. Four smaller hearts crisscrossing outward like piece of lace form the heart. At the top section, a key-shaped heart protrudes out from the rod. At the bottom of the rod, the hilt balances the weapon. I created a series of sketches, before drawing out the full five-foot model. I put the full size sketch on a piece of two and half inch thick wood and used a jigsaw to cut the pieces. I feel like I gave an imaginary object a new life in my three-dimensional world.

random

spacial theory part 7

I know my ability to imagine in three dimensions is a natural skill ready to be further developed in a great college program. As a child, I drew isometric objects. My mom still likes to show off my cows from kindergarten. I drew the cows sideways, so the cows looked at me with both eyes. I gave the cows depth by showing all four legs, which were curved so I could color the entire cow. I did not draw stick figures or flat cows. In third grade, I created a dog character to share with my friends. The dog’s nose pointed slightly toward the view so I can see both his eyes and into his mouth. This dog was well known and liked among my classmates, so much so that they requested I draw the dog in their yearbook as part of my signature. My teacher recognized my work because I mastered drawing the dog in under a minute and added him to all my spelling tests. Now I have an entire portfolio of unique spatial characters, both animals and humans, to share with my friends and teachers.

random

spacial theory part 8

My characters are fun, but they are becoming easy. I look forward to mastering new artistic mediums and techniques. I am working on the art of sketching the space of an object rather than the lines created from the space. In the architecture summer program at Syracuse University, one of my assignments was to draw a chaotic pile of chairs. At first, I tried to draw the contour lines of the chairs. I was very disappointed with my shaky sketch. The lines just looked like lines, not a specific shape. My professor asked the class to redraw the pile of chairs and focus on drawing the space in-between the chairs. I was pleased to see my spatial drawing looks more like a pile of chairs than the contour drawing. I used shading to represent the spaces, so the chairs are created and defined by white space. This exercise helped me learn to see space in a project, rather than the walls or barriers that create the space.

random

spacial theory part 9

Through the architecture program, I hope to receive the instruction I need to refine my natural artistic skills so someday I can give the space in my imagination a three-dimensional life. I am choosing architecture as a profession because I can turn my strengths into a satisfying career. I already know the benefits of enjoying my job. I literally work at a chocolate factory during my school breaks. The job is fun, but it’s not a profession that uses all my talents and skills. Architecture is an artistic and analytical challenge for me, so I can push myself to excel at creating practical, fun, habitable space.

spatial theory reflection

so this was and is a half essay version. it isn't like my other drabbles and is still clear cut, but it isn't soo much a journal as a drabble in my mind anyway. It is special for you see it is soemthing of a strange concept anyway, as architecture and space is considered art.

random

the riddle

Choose your path. Left or right? To
hidden path of no return. Into the depths
and to where no one ventures. Will you go
or stay in the safety. Is it safe? In the
silence, will you be safe? Turn around into
depths of the void. Absence of everything,
rushing past, keeping you here. Walking is
easy, confidence and courage are needed. Any
amount of fear is sensed. Fear, necessary for
meddling in my plan. Should you go, through the
veil of shadow and nightmare. What is the
origin of shadow and fear? Without darkness there
is no light. But what created light? To try
destroying shadow, is to destroy the existence of
light and life of everything? Killing the world
is the ultimate taboo. So, left or right?
Flee or stay? Continue or play again? Into
eternal corridors. Will you find the path? Or
to the path of no return? Hidden in the depths
is what you seek. Shall you seek it, or
merely be lost? When will you choose? You have
eternity to decide. Left or right, flee or stay?

random

things learned from one trip alone

not a exclusive list, there is more, just I remember the strangest things.

don’t collect bill
put a cushion of money down that won’t get spent
word choice
don’t state, but ask
expect about 15-20 dollars for dinner
expect sharing
don’t drive a point into the ground
say something if you can’t pay
especially don’t collect bill if you can’t pay
always bring a camera
gratuity is expected
don’t caring only cash, have a way to get more money

random

my belief in time (also essay format)

There are only 24 hours in a day, but it can be the longest 24 hours of your life, or the most well spent 24 hours of your life.

random

my belief in time (also essay format) part 2

I strive for eight hours of sleep every night and I spend eight hours at school. That leaves eight hours for me to eat, bathe and conquer the day. Think about it, in eight hours you could be halfway around the world, or in a different hemisphere. In eight hours you could watch the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy. Or your whole life could change in eight hours.

random

my belief in time (also essay format) part 3

I believe one has as much time as one creates and uses. Time is defined not by how many hours are in the day, but by what one does with their time.