That's the thing I love about drabbles. No matter what you write about, whether it be something allegorical or real, something true or something not, it keeps a record of who you are. You can go back through your writing and look at what you often wrote about--how you wrote about things--you can analyze your own writing and yourself. Writing is a very telling thing. It shows whom we were and whom we still are and whom we may become.

Me? I was stupid and a fool who only thought about love. Now? I am perhaps a little less stupid but still a fool who only thinks about love. xD

SO it is, that i have found, i still love, maybe now, like when I am having issues, it is simply that I love a soulless being, not someone who necessarily wants to just use me, but someone who truly understands that I care for him. Maybe that is why I wish him no more loneliness, that is why for me, when all the walls are down, that I have someone who is still trying to find me, and when I walk, around, hopeless, I find trails, signs of life, signs that I am not the only one.

*tries to think of something poetic and drabble-y to say*

...

*fails*

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. ^^ *hugs you*

yeah!! I get hugs!!!

it is something i have found, throughout my life, sadly to say. I am starting, thru each otherr understand that love is something, but yet not, it isn't that a parent must love a child, they do, but how does one love another, I can see compassion, can see wanting to be wiht someone, but it is truly that love is something not defined at all, what do you call it all, for it is soemthing, the other says, does not exist for him, but maybe it has, and yet, does he know what he is feeling now, is what it is, or am I hopeless lost child, like him, who wish for each others company but yet know, that insider, we are still alone.

And now that I am home again, given a fresh look at all there has been done, and as to what the world is, it is time to start the next set of drabbles. I dedicate the last set to all they are about, and some year, some time, I will come to understand and want to give the world the knowledge I had these years.

56. Touch

it is an addiction
the ability to touch someone else
someone you want to
someone you are friends with
the ability at all
remidns me they are actually human
they are warm
they are nice
the feeling of it all
yet it seems
that people have slowly grown distant
that one day
we will stop
melding
for a split second
into one
that the diseases of the world will kill anyone
and it seems silly
for I would never want that world
for the longer I go without touch
the harder it is to recall
it is saddening
for you see
I would love to recall
the touch I haven't felt
the love I still have
the addiction
but it seems
that I can't get enough if it
ever
so I come back
wanting
just
even for a moment
seeing you
and being able
once again
to feel your touch

17. Bite me

"Oh, just bite me" one said
"With pleasure" the other said
or sometimes "you don't want me to"

but she never got it, I wasn't joking
I was simply putting out there
I could
that it is something i might like
that it is a terrible comment to give me
it is a terrible comment to use on me
for I can bear fangs
and many times
i wish one person to do so with me
and with all the marks the bite possesses
though I am quite sure
she does not like it
it was her fault
for the trauma it caused
but I tried to warn you
that"bite me" is never soemthing
to be taken lightly
for I can take it literally
and know you don't mean it that way
but why not take it literally
for it causes the fun
the joy in my mind
of being able
to bite
and take flesh
into my mouth
even if not to eat
but to sink in
into the flesh
of one i love

68. Outfits

I wear something all the time
is it my black T-shirt
and my black pants
that is an outfit
with the collars
that interchange
and it is just the t-shirt print that changes as well
and the trench coat
how wonderful you are
you are part of me
part of this outfit
all black
with a collar
and trench coat
some consider this the norm
but to others
they can't imagine it
it is something I have worn
many many times over
but you see
this is silly
but in the end
it is me
the outfit i wear inside my soul
at least I do currently
but there are times
I feel not like myself
wanting to change myself
dress up
be more carefree
at which
I wear a skirt
a renaissance skirt
and dress at that
a top
fit for someone
a corset
or a bodice
but in the end
is this also me?

68. Outfits part 2

maybe that is who I am
well at the very least
that is me
in the summer
when it boils down to it
so who am i
the black one
or the colorful time era confused girl
which is an outfit
which is normal clothes
we do not know
both are equally as odd
but a costume to me
and to everyone around me
is apparently
me
wearing a white T-shirt
and jean pants
not black
or shorts
for I blend
into the crowd
that my outfits I like to wear
say I should never be part of
for that
as my outfits describe
is not me

26. The sweetest thing

the sweetest thing
is something one can not eat
though chocolate does well
it is that time
when nothing else matters
when you wrap your arms around me
and just hold me
and let me discover soemthing
while you are there
it keeps me amused
it is something that I replay
that song you gave me that night
it will just recall the time
for it isn't the song
but your approach
the sweet time you were with me
the time you were having fun
just being the cute thing
knowing you can give me something very cute
but not material
for that memory
is the sweetest thing
no matter what I give you
gift wise
it is that time
when you gave me nothing
but your discovering
that I began to understand
how much fun we will have
from now on
with the sweetest thing possible
is just
holding me there.

random

the music

the concert
the music
it was somethign i loved
and experienced
over and over again
it is something I never get tired
the experience
the music
as cellos ring
hitting everything
making it all amazing
making me love the band more
making me glad to be listening
at all times
for it is silly
but it was that tiem with you
and the time that I came
to love this music more
and wish
that I could have it memorized
that i could recall it
but I can not
so I stand
listening to it
as it vibrates through my mind
as something
to always be remembered
as the difference between it all
so never to forget
my love
for the instrument
and the music
everyone can bring

27. The popular crowd

oh how I hate the popular crowd
they seem to not care
about each other
about others
for it is all just a face
it is all soemthing funny
something that is just for show
but what about the individual
for you see
they leave them behind in the dust
it isn't the new jacket
or the cute dress
it is something silly
and that laughter
it makes me bitter
for you see
I remember it all
being behind from it all
and understanding
that never again will i be there
for I belong
in the corner
in the back
with the rest of the kids
who like the individual
for who she is

I am beginning to understand something about the popular crowd--they are not really the vapid, shallow bugs of the stereotype that we want them to be. I honestly do not think that the crowd that is called popular knows or is known by more people than the other crowds. I believe that they got their name because of their interest in "pop culture." Popular then became a term they gave themselves, and like a clique, anyone who wasn't in was out. And so such divisions were made.

However, I don't think that being into pop culture makes them the prissy girls and player boys that everyone thinks of. Yes, some are, but some are not. They simply have an interest in the thing, just as geeks have an interest in roleplaying. Popular is just another social circle that's overrated and stereotyped just as much as the geeks are. Geeks do not mean "don't ever have fun," and popular doesn't mean "vapid and shallow."

Random

Airport
I wonder when it happens
But it annoys me
Why does it all go smoothly
And now it is not
Why can we not do something else
Why can we not deal with it all
I understand that they have issues
But this is ridiculous
Every ounce
Of it all
What do these people think we are?
Pawns to the world
Knowledge that it is all so stupid
That none of it matters
That we are willing to sit here for what we are doing?
They are outrageous
It makes me want to sit
And cry
As the world
The travel
Dies
At a touch of the world

random

it is something
that in my mind
regaudless of the titles, i feel threatened
a certian hatered
as I was cast away
for the good of the kind
as the geek
it is something
I deny them not being shallow
or say they are
for I am jsut as shallow or clear as them in some ways
I am a simple creature
and yet not
so it isn't that the popular is shallow
over anyone else
they are just
the product
of the media
that they can imitate.

3. Secrets

we have them, everyone does
some say they don't but one can not not hide soemthing
miss some detail
of their life
when telling a story
conscience or not
it is what happens
it is that lie
by knowledge
that hurts us all
I try to not lie
but I try to be transparent
but I find myself only saying what is needed
what is required of it all
when I fall to pieces
it is for a reason
when I want someone to see me
to remember
it is that they are there
and that I try to never lie
but at the same time
sometimes I find myself doing so
it hurts to
but it is soemthing
that one is taught
at age two
you don't
it isn't till much later
that one learns to lie
that ones seems to understand that what one can make up
and make other's believe
as true
is fun
but wraps you
in the lies of the world
that seems to be
what we make everyone do
for all eternity

84. Too young

I never wanted to admit
that you were too young
that you were too immature for me
but in my mind
you are exactly that
someone who sees us all for who you are
a child
it feels odd
talking to people
age six years younger
on conversations
it is hard
talking to people
three years older
am I younger
than my real age
or is it just that
I feel more mature
feel better
but I see no issues
I just feel so small
so insignificant
around the others
an object
over being the mature one
the one who can mess up
versus the one they look to
so in the end
is it jsut my imagination
or am I not being fair
to those above me
older than me
and taking those
who are to young for me
and treating them differently

63. Tuck me in

I wish I could have
this past night
I wish I was there
to hold you tight
but seeing how I wasn't
it is hard to understand
that i am there
to tuck you in
It isn't that i don't want to be
but that you
in all your understanding
choose to not listen to your self
sometimes
and when you were tired
and yet wanting to talk to me
it reminded you of me
for it is every day
that I stand there
remembering
that it is just a fleeting moment
for in my life
I stand
wanting to be there
for you
wanting to see you
and to take you
and tuck you in
then curl up next to you
touch your skin with my fingers
and give you a kiss
just a small peck
and fall asleep
with you
so that when you sleep
the last thing you remember
is me
taking care of you
and being next to you
for all eternity

random

I don't know why I feel this way
maybe it is because I didn't get my way
maybe it is just lurking
telling me something
maybe it is jsut sitting there
lying in wait
it wants to eat at me
and kill my thoughts
nothing is wrong i say
but where is it
I remember questioning about now
what was going on
what it all meant
what was my plans
why did it all exist
I go through phases
it is true
but it seems
this one is trying
to get free
for I have no idea why I have teared
and use to
but it is odd
for what is the insecurity I have
that is eating myself up
since I am down again
from my self
into the abyss
of it all

random

it is this cold snow that reminds me
that one day
I will stare at
and watch my emotion
as cold as it is
has fallen everywhere
fo everyone to see
that the snow
of the warmth
of someone's touch
is gone
for you see
it isn't that I am in the cold
but the cold one day came to as all the warmth
of a human's touch
slowly died
leaving me in the cold
white winter
the purity
of leaving everyone behind
the consequence
is watching it all fade
into white blanket
that is cold
that wants to do nothing
but remind me
that I am alone

random

I have been lost
as to what to do
as to what to say
as to what to feel
maybe I am jsut a thing
with no emotions
but I know I have them
for it is that when I turn my head
that I remember
that my life
is different
with them
and maybe it is cause of the decision
that is broke my emotional strength
and watched
as I let it all seep in
and never get out
once again

random

if only i had a library
for the use
but got some money
for collecting all the books
I wish I could
I wish I might
but at the amount I have
I will keep them all
for my own
enjoyment.

random

the melting of a cube
the heat hits it all
the amusement
the freezing
with the heat transfer
it feels different
rolling around on the hot surface
as it is compressed,
destined to become the water
as it slowly melts out
still cold
shocking the heat
slowly dripping
till I can't take it anymore
watching the water
turn in
mix with the hot water
and still shock
for a split second
not running
then continuing
for the never ending movement
to water
that drains
into the ocean
below.

21. Marks

how ironic
to his name
it is something glorious
though seen by everyone
or no one
it is the fact
that in the end
these marks
the beautiful changes of color
of the skin
weather black
or blue
or purple
or red
or even yellow
are something to remind me of the love
the piece we share
the parts that we are
that is different from the rest
the parts that I remember
that I love
that the sensation is different
yet with only us
does it make sense
it is only here
that i find
that you are the same as me
liking the same as me
and for that
I bear hte marks
proud
to be there
with you.

random

the manga
the hot gimick manga
is soo funny
and sappy
it is full of suspense
that you know how it will happen
but I want ot read it anyway
for it is funny
to think aobut
to watch the romance
of uselessness
and laugh
for it makes me feel better
to know it is nothing
but is it jsut me
or is it all fading away
for one day
in the end
I will watch it all
fall ontop of me too.