random

online


I descend to the computer
Where my life truly lies
In codes
Instant messaging
Online mass multiplayer role playing games
My real life lies in electronics
Where distance does not exist
Only time zones
Where others lie
Doing the same thing as me

random

collar haiku

The collar belongs
To others and chains my soul
To the world beyond

authors note

over the last few times I have written more and more poems. I feel at times my drabbles are almost poems already, but not quite the same. I feel that the drabbles are better encrypted than my poems, hence they get labeled poems. Also There is alot more that is random in my drabbles, than the random poems that focus on one topic.

random

it would nice
if I could love
but seeing as how I am logical
no one wants me
no one should
and so I live
knowing it is fine
those who want me
are stupid
they strive for me
I don't want the pathetic souls they are
I want it
just for the fun
I would love to have a relationship
I have never had one during my birthday
or one on valentine's day
i am alone in my depression
always have
so no love for me

random

in song

I want to be alone
alone
to where my voice will call it own
to where it can echo
echo
it is where I live
living
to where I am myself
in the cold darkness
this darkness
darkness
is what a place
it is peaceful
but alone

so what do I do now?
what do I call myself
when all is gone?

can I be there
and here
in the light
embraced
embraced
or is it just the sadness of your self
your self
it is nothing
nothing
that echoes inside

so what do I do now?
what do I call myself
when all is gone?

random

competition
I strive for competition
but not for their satisfaction
but for mine
I am fighting a barrier
not a wall
i want to work it all out
I like it
it causes me to do more
I have none for some
and I have some for some other things
I want to continue
so let me
don't earn more please
I know you will
just when I caught up
so can I please for once
earn what I want
I have what I want
but then what will happen when I lose the competition?

random

art subject

yes I finally do a reply to another of psyrien's drabbles

you are pretty
you can not help that
you appease me
so I draw you
but my love for you
is different than that of a lover
I love that which I can't draw
that which I can;t grasp on paper
many are like that
many I don't try
when I did draw you
I knew
my love for you was fake
it saddens me
don't push me to draw you
it hurts
for it will either show my lack of emotion for you
or become bad, and fail to be what you are.

random

art subject part 2

my love for you is captured
and so it is gone
gone from the floating air around me
I know you don't know what to draw you means
it proves I don't love you
I would hate the picture and never show it if it ws the case
but the pretty boys
it hurts you when I say they are pretty
but they are
you will always be not them
but you don't understand
it is the artist talking
the one who lives with emotions
but tries to capture them
rather than living in them constantly
so don't praise me
for the artist is there
laughing at you
and taking it all in
so one day
it can cage it all
with this pencil
in my hand.

random

keyblade for terra
a whip
a sword
a bike
a gun
a fist
it is everything
it is proof I can strive
I watch the one I have
and wish it was real
wish I could wield it
but it locks my emotions cage it
I want to give the keys that they hold to someone
i would give this to someone
if it meant they to take care of my life
but i want to freely give the key
and take it away
it is called kingdom hearts for a reason
the keyblades
lock the heart
lock away everything
and makes me feel tall
powered
to do what I want
and it is beautiful
sitting there
in pine

random

moderation
everything in moderation
you seem to not understand
it isn't that i don't want it
it is that it became to hard to deal with
so I let it go
I let the difficult questions go
once a few days is fine
but after every day
i wanted to kill everything
it rebel
so it is something
I want to hear
but don't mind now

your mind is weird
it is different than the rest
that is not good
not bad
but tell me about it at times
you went from too quiet to overwhelming
so what are you going to say now?

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moderation part 2

do you understand?
I think not
you want me happy
always happy
that is not possible
you say it is
you disagree
I run
I run to the hills

you still love me
I am not phased by your being online, and sign on and off as you please is what you dream
it shows your fear
it shows you want me to talk to you
but i did ignore you
i left it all away
I do as you say when I want
but I am nice
too nice
but I do say hi back
you are a human after all
I am not phased by you, but you don't see it, you are blinded by your fear and love
a hopeless cause

random

moderation part 3

Jared, that person to me is kind
kind as he can be
he is what I wish i could be with
but I am but a small person in his life
so I will hide
and watch
wishing he would pick me up
while I stand at the road

the potted plants
with the chain mail
proof you think of me
for I am the chain mail
holding his life
or trying to
it is proof you see him next to me
but I wish it was true
yet you know not it.

your dreams
your emotions
I need them
in moderation

random

moderation part 4

i feel sadness
i watch as what you write is despair
what has happened
the past
it is sad
you live a life
void of romance
not knowing what it is I feel
your brain is starting to know
and it is sad to watch, as you type
as i type back
but it is this that you start to understand
a metaphor
or even less that that
but the truth
it is what happened
but you don't understand
you live in the past
watching the past me
and the current me
collide
that is what I describe

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moderation part 5

the past versus current collide

I was standing in line for something, and you were in the line right in front of me. For a while you were talking to me and goofing off with some random guy who you apparently knew in the line right ahead. Then, just as we were almost at the front of the line, you pulled me aside and hugged me tight, and said you loved me, which I parroted back to you. Then you whistfully said something like "One of these months...", then grabbed my hand and kissed it. After that, I moved to kiss you, but you pushed me back and said in a sad voice "Don't... please." After that, I don't remember anything.

It is true, I once did love you
the thoughts ran through my mind, but I do play
I do like other guys

one month, yes it is possible, but it is also true, you lost that
I might have said it out loud once
but it is something I held dear
and yes please stop
it sad
but I want not your love
but merely my own life
and you
will take it all away.

random

please stay
i am one
who you know
everything you see
you see me in
everything I see
I am hurting away
and ignore
every object that reminds me of you
I broke a lot
to love you
I won't mend it
to fix the issue
do you not understand
i live my life
your hugs
your kisses are proof
that i will one day lose my life
i would rather be a widow
than anything
but love in moderation
means no relationship
it is too much for me
so we shall all live
growing old
understanding moderation
and why everything must betaken in moderation

random

the weirdest dreams

the weirdest dreams they bring out your fear
everything becomes a metaphor
people
life
what would happen
if I told you
that you fear me and him getting together
you still want me by myself
why don't i gain someone
just to spite you?
I want someone stable
someone pretty
i dream the weirdest things
one weird, it involved him there
coming to save me
and now you dream if I being in his pots
all around him
my essence with him
at all times.

random

the weirdest dreams part 2

I dreamed of him
with longhair
marrying her
I was saddened
but i was then
it dawned on me
that you had long hair then
a month later you mention you are going to grow it out
is it a premonition
for you are not there
and I am left alone
with someone saving my despair
but with another. But he is there for me
reguardless of his acutal relationship
he calls me
and so it will end
at some point
i won't get the clue
like I always haven't gotten
so then
that is the weirdest dreams
when I wake up
and get it

random

welcome to heartsick

welcome to being heartsick
when everything is a memory
when you can't watch romance
or even sub plot
because it reminds me of your situation
that is me
that is you
as it is everyone
at one time
so you don't know
why do you tell me this
this is nothing new
but I know this
and won't tell you
for any kindness will kill you again
and get you more sick
so I leave you alone
i won't help
so your sickness heals
as mine has.

random

everyone
why must the pretty boys
have a deep voice? the long hair
the beauty
but it is short lived
when they speak
it is sad
for it seems silly
they have a deep voice
but they look so nice
with a nice higher voice
but it ruined the image i had
of a senior
he was probably a druggy
but he was pretty
i would watch him in the morning
but after all the years
watching
I finally heard him speak
and then he had such a low voice
it was sad
it broke him as a perfect being image
and he will never know

random

the anger swells
how could she do that
how many times have I told her to not to touch it
yet she still does
I want her to disappear
to send stuff
it wasn't hers to touch
and now she broke it
my love she broke
I want it back
i want it fixed
her apology online won't cut it
i need the compensation
So give it to me
and don't hide
confront the issue
so it can all come back
You never understand
so leave me
for I want nothing to do with you
I want to kill you
and burn the remains
so never again
can you break my love.

random

the you inside me is always crying
I believe you wanted me to wipe away your tears
but I never experienced the tenderness of wiping the tears from your face

It is every mas dream
to be there for her
but it is the girl inside them that they want to be there for
the real ones
don't care
the sleazy ones
maybe
the weak ones
who like the dominance
maybe
but not I
The guy inside me doesn't wipe away the tears
but holds me when they come
and says nothing
no optimism
nothing
just holding
with his hands

I should not be the girl inside the guys
for I am not that type of girl
so stop dreaming of me
stop wanting me
because the one I have inside me
doesn't exist either.

random

somewhere there is an angel
if only all your tears could be gathered
then a necklace could be fashioned from your tears
and be used to decorate the tree

the sparkle for the tree of tears
would be the brightest one ever
glowing as bright as a star
for all the angels to follow

why must all the good guys be taken
taken to the point of where I can not see them
they are all pretty
but they seem happy
happy with who they are with
none after me
the one who is available
is like me
unable for me to want
not relationship material
I have thought of it
thought of marriage
not dating
but it is abnormal to see
but what about all the others
the guys i like
the guys I crush on
they all have girlfriends
it saddens me so
for the one who likes me
I don't want
just proof that all the good guys are taken

random

these tears
for the one I love
i yelled because of him
I love him
my love
the one I created
the one who is the key
who has the key
to my heart
it is that one
that broke
I cried for him
i loved him dearly
and then he broke
not even a day after his finding
a day
she just had to play with him
and break him
not caring if he was snagged

and he snapped
like my love would
for he is fragile
and proof of what I love
proof that my heart is with him
and I keep him dear to me
these tears I cry
for my broken love

random

I break down
it is a fact
it is what I am
I yell
then I break
I am exhausted from the yell
it clicks
and I break
I yell
and then just stare
at the phone
confused
knowing I was breathing hard
about to break
knowing if I spoke
I would
so I closed it all
the connection
and broke
letting self shatter
into the waves of blue
curling up
and breaking
just to be alone
for the yelling
causes the breaking
and the breaking is that which is required
to stand up again
after all is said and done
and fix the problem to begin with