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Menewsha Avatar Community (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/index.php)
-   Celes Paradi 2009 (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=218)
-   -   ZERO's Joke thread (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=123018)

V I X E N 08-11-2009 09:20 AM
@Zero-HA.. that is great.
I like it

Ok.. this one is a little dirty. but funny

Quote:
To Diet For
A heavyset guy sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (202) 555-0238" and decides to make the call. The operator asks, "How much weight do you want to lose?" "Ten pounds," he replies. "We’ll have a representative over in the morning," says the operator. About 9 a.m., there’s a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, completely naked except for a sign around her neck reading “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.” The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. After they have sex, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. He’s lost 10 pounds! That night he calls the number again and says, "I want to lose 20 pounds." "We’ll send someone over." The next morning, he’s greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.” The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds he’s lost 20 pounds! That night he calls and says, "I want to lose 50 pounds!" "Fifty pounds?" the operator asks. "That’s an awful lot." The man replies, "Listen, just take care of it!" About 7 a.m. the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads “If I catch you…”

ZERO WolF 08-11-2009 09:23 AM
HAH!
Oh thats brilliant!
Quote:
What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says "YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.
And heres a good one
Quote:
Before Marriage - - -

Boy: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: NO! Don't even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course! Over and over!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: NO! Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get!
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling!

After marriage - - - simply read from bottom to top.
And one more that is REALLY harsh, but it cracked me up-
Quote:
Whats the hardest part of a vegetable?
The Wheelchair.

V I X E N 08-11-2009 09:27 AM
HAHAHAHAHA..
That is brilliant.
haha... good.. good.

ok.. here is one

Quote:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

ZERO WolF 08-11-2009 09:32 AM
lol! funny!
Quote:
What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

V I X E N 08-11-2009 09:38 AM
XD...
damn dead bodies.
You cant do a thing with them lol

Ok.. time for the Chuck Norris jokes HAHA


Quote:
1- If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

2- There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

3- Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

4-Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

5- Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

6- Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

7- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

8-Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

ZERO WolF 08-11-2009 09:41 AM
haha When the boogey man goes to sleep, He checks his closet for chuck norris
Quote:
want U to know that U are very important to me, It's impossible for me to live without U even 4 a second! U r my life & I can feel U everywhere.... DON'T MIND I WAS TALKING ABOUT OXYGEN... \

V I X E N 08-11-2009 09:47 AM
@Zero- lol thats a smart peoples joke XD


Quote:
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

ZERO WolF 08-11-2009 09:50 AM
haha
Chuck beats the devil.
Quote:
Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...

V I X E N 08-11-2009 10:01 AM
XD... oooo cut lol

Quote:
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

ZERO WolF 08-11-2009 10:07 AM
some more that are amusing haha
Quote:
'First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that''s vanity? Second girl: No, it''s imagination.'
Quote:
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty?
There's not a Single person in it...
Quote:
Two friends meet each other on the street. "hello! Where are you coming from?" asked Bill. "Oh, don't ask me! I'm coming from the cemetery. I just burried my mother-in-law" replied Sid. "I'm so sorry!" said Bill, "But why is your face schratched all over?". "It wasn't so easy!" said Sid, "She put on a hell of a fight!"
and finally, as I just heard an add on TV and it reminded me of it,
How do you make lady gaga cry? Poke her face! (pokerface)

V I X E N 08-11-2009 10:14 AM
heheh i like the 1st one & the 2nd one the best lol
ok. here is another one

Quote:
A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

Vestidity 08-11-2009 10:17 AM
Man the Chuck Norris corn one made me spit my drink. XD I don't know why I found it so funny, but holy.

ZERO WolF 08-11-2009 10:19 AM
HAHA!
Quote:
1st person:I have three sons.. two are engineers and one could not study and become beggar..
2nd persond:Then kick him out of home!!!
1st person:How can i...???only he earns......
Quote:
Which animal has two gray legs, and two brown legs?
- Elephant that has diarrhea!

DistortedBrwain 08-11-2009 10:20 AM
lol that elephant with diarrhea joke was funny but gross hehe

so how is it going? ^^

ZERO WolF 08-11-2009 10:25 AM
not bad thanks. Welcome to the place of much laughter and what not?
how are you finding the event? =P

V I X E N 08-11-2009 10:30 AM
heheh hey distorted
it was pretty funy

here is another one
Quote:
A man was sleeping on his deathbed. The man woke up to see his wife silently praying beside him.

He said, " Martha, I have something to confess to you."

She said, "No dear, save your energy."

He said, "I must tell you so I may pass on to heaven, I cheated on you."

She said, " I know, I poisoned you."

Swordtear 08-11-2009 10:30 AM
*going back and reading all the jokes on the older posts* xDDDD

ZERO WolF 08-11-2009 10:31 AM
lol
Quote:
There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one. Two bats comment:
- What happened to this one?
- I don’t know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.

DistortedBrwain 08-11-2009 10:33 AM
Wolf: I am good too. Enjoying your jokes hehe

The event is fun but I find it very hard to earn stars though XP

Vestidity 08-11-2009 10:40 AM
Yeah, earning stars is pretty hard. I can't even train with a goddess to earn more, since I don't have one. D;

I don't post enough either. Boo. I only have 35.2 atm, and I haven't bought anything yet.

ZERO WolF 08-11-2009 10:41 AM
I know what you mean :sweat:
I live in a timezone where whenever I am on, everyone else is asleep lol.
Thats why I thought a jokes thread would be nice, Cause it doesnt matter when you come in, Your not just invading some conversation that you have to read up on for 20 pages. And if I go offline, I can come back and have some laughs xP
So yeah, Have fun and remember to laugh!

DistortedBrwain 08-11-2009 10:43 AM
Vestidity: You can still sign up to join a goddess. ^^

Wolf: yeah, I live in a timezone like that too. Where do you live? I live in the Netherlands. ^^

V I X E N 08-11-2009 10:47 AM
@ZERO- XD
hehe i giggled

Hey sword
some of them are pretty funny.
Ah, what am i saying
They are all funny lol

ZERO WolF 08-11-2009 10:50 AM
Ah, the Netherlands, Nice place? I live in Australia, were the spiders are so big, they have health bars! o__O

Merrihop 08-11-2009 10:51 AM
Ok this was just a good idea! Hi folks!

Quote:
A man goes to his bank manager to get a $10,000 loan, the bank manager asks him, "Alright what is this loan for?"

"I'd like to open a cheese factory."

"A cheese factory? Where?"

"Cheddar, and I'm going to call it Cheddar Cheese."

The bank manager shakes his head and says, "I'm afraid not sir, there's already a Cheddar Cheese. You can't name it that."

So the man goes away and comes back a few days later, this time asking for a $20,000 loan. The bank manager sits him down to question him about it again, "So what's this loan for?"

"I want to open a cheese factory."

"Oh really? Where is it going to be?"

"Switzerland, I'm going to call it Swiss Cheese."

The bank manager sighs and shakes his head, "I'm sorry sir, you can't call it that, there's already a Swiss Cheese."

The next week the man comes back, this time asking for a $50,000 loan. The bank manager sits down with him once again, "Alright, what do you want this loan for?"

"I want to open a cheese factory."

"Where is it this time?"

"Bethlehem, I'm going to call it Cheeses of Nazareth."


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