Captain Howdy's Profile |
Visitor Messages
Showing Visitor Messages 21 to 30 of 2381
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-invades your personal scrotal bubble-
-puts a bird on it-
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That’s it! GET OUT OF MY BLOUSE!
-runs away wailing- -
Great santa avi!
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God, your dairy fetish is just obscene. You are the most. Trixie Mattel seems tolerable compared to you.
-takes back the happy birthday and returns it for store credit at Walmart- -
howdy, contact Belly and her Sidhespawn from beyond the grape and tell they i say hayyy.
I MISS THEM DEARLY.
-milks an eel-
Also, happy belayed birthday!
Don't get pregnant, it'll last longer! -
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I knew it! You don’t want my grandmother for her recipe box or winning mahjong strategies. You want her to satisfy your perverse carnal desires and to make you an artery-clogging American breakfast in bed!
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You're a pube cheesesteak parfait. -
About Me
- About Captain Howdy
- Biography
- I was born in a log cabin on the desert plains of Saskatchewan. My mother was a coal miner. My father was Aqua Man. We kept him in a tank in my backyard. I didn't spend much time with him cause I would drown.
My favorite thing to do as a child was astral projecting to Finland and eavesdropping on conversations. I can't understand the language, but i'd pretend they were saying something vastly profound and that I was somehow a part of history.
My dog died while I was at camp. He wasn't old or anything. He was in a shoot out with the cops. My dog ran with a tough crowd. His name was Mittens.
So this one time... Me and Bobby Greely were out down by the railroad tracks and he said, "Do you want to see a dead body?" And I was like, "Oh hell yeah." And so he bludgeoned himself with a rock. And I was like, "Aw, do it again." ... But he didn't say anything.
*spins* How does this work? I really... don't know. - Location
- In a hollow tree, where I make cookies.
- Interests
- Reading to Orphans and Deep Tongue Kissing Hobos
- Occupation
- I am a burden to society.
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