larry the snail's Profile

Haven't checked this website in soooo long! Sorry for the people I accidentally ditched. @_@;;

I lost track of time, was busy, then bam. It's already November. In 36 minutes, anyways.


I'm good. Volunteering at Blistered Whiskers Inc. Check it out if you have questions about feral cats in your neighborhood: blisteredwhiskers.org


Almost got my GED, moods up for the most part. (:
K, gotta go now. See ya! I'll try to check back here more often.

[SIZE="1"]So lately I've been getting in touch and talking to my friend Morgana. I met her like five years ago in the loony bin. xD What a way to meet a friend.

We were both in there for bipolar problems. She was 17 at the time, I think. She's really cool. Totally second generation punk, mohawk and tank girl like outfits included.

On some things we're really alike, but other things way opposite.

Her: Lesbian, punk, drinks/smokes, etc etc
Me: Mormon, moderate republican, against gay marriage, doesn't take any mind altering substances, etc etc

I think we've silently agreed to disagree and respect each other's opinion. Personally, I'm afraid to bring it up because I've lost friends over that stuff.

She's too cool to do that, though. Instead of claiming I'm the bigot who doesn't listen or think for myself, she's actually practice what she preaches and respect my opinion. My very humble, conservative opinions. ;P


Point I brought her up, is because I gave her and her band a poem to use as lyrics. A poem I've had published. I'm nervous about it, though. I've got to check up on that whole idea because I won't let them use it if their name is something like "Green Vagina" or something. xD No, no. I can't be affiliated with that.

Besides that, I'm nervous because they're all punk rock, and I'm a mellow person who likes indie and classic rock. Something I can chill to.

I like dancing, though. I like upbeat songs, nothing depressing or sad.


I hope I get invited to one of their practices. They said they need a manager. But I'm too controlling for that. xD I'd ask to actually be part of the band, since I've got mad skillz in music (I originally started studying for a music degree, but with the economy decided against it), buttttttt I wouldn't be able to stand how loud it all is.

I get migraines too easily.
But I got tons of ear plugs, though. Maybe I can use those.


I'm excited. Dusting off that poem got me looking at my other poetry and I rediscovered how much I loved writing, and how good I am at it!!
xP Yeah, I have an ego when it comes to talent.










Speaking of life, here's my dream plan.

- Start college stuff, become an electronuerodiagnistic technician within the next 4 years
- Meet a guy, get married
- Have kids, preferably tons of them. x) I want grandkids! And if I have a lot of kids then at least one of them will love me enough to take me in when I'm old instead of sticking me in a nursing home.
- Kids grow up. When they get older I'll go back to school to become a physician.
- Retire around 65 or so, hopefully.
- Go on cruises, travel, etc. Fun old people stuff.
- Make a few appearances as a stand up comedian at local clubs, maybe add a small music carrier into that.

As you can tell, I do not think life should end after kids. I think it's a wonderful thing to have family at a young age. You're not suppose to be dead by 50. No, you can live on until your 80's if you take good care of yourself.

I say I have a 50/50 chance of getting that old and staying mentally and physically agile. I got a lot of people in my family who have died young (40's, 50's) of cancer and heart attacks. But I also have a lot of people in my family who've gone into their 80's as active adults. When their time does end, it's usually a run downhill lasting a year or so.

Example: My great grand parents, both pairs on my mom's side. One pair died when my grandma was 18, both of cancer, both within the same year.
Meanwhile, my grandpa's parents only died a few months ago. Greatgrandma had a stroke 2 years ago and couldn't move her right side. She had a really hard time and it was a relief to see her finally go. While she was suffering from that, my greatgrandpa developed dementia at a rapid pace. They were living with my grandparents (who are only 60, they're 80) after greatgrandma got her stroke because apparently being a man from the WWII era, greatgrandpa couldn't even make himself a sandwich. xD To our suprise, he actually died 3 months before his wife. It was sudden; his leg swelled up, went to the hospital, and the day after he came home he suddenly died.

Yeah, that's life right now.
I feel anxious, life isn't moving as much as I'd like it to.[/SIZE]

[SIZE="1"]I feel like I've missed two years of my life.
Why? Because I spent two years in and out of the hospital. I'm doing better now, I had brain surgery in Oct '08.

During those two years my "friends" were out getting their drivers license, having their first kiss, going through boyfriends like tissues, going to prom-- basically having a normal teenage experience while I was stuck in a hospital bed. Alone. With wires going into my brain and IVs stuck all over my arms.

I say "friends" because they basically ditched me. Besides one get well card, a few text messages, and even fewer phone calls, they have stopped all contact with me.

I only talk to one friend now. Just one, and she lives down the street from me.

After much thought I have decided I am not mad at them. They were never good friends in the first place, and teenagers are very self absorbed. I should not expect them to care for me.

When ever I go on my myspace or facebook page and I see their pictures... I can't help but feel as if I've missed out on the main experiences most of my peers have had.

I feel selfish that I feel this way. After all, I'm alive, I'm not going blind anymore, I'm getting better slowly... shouldn't that be enough for me? Or do I have a right to feel a little bit sad?

Just once I wish I could care about myself and be a little selfish.


I'm blessed, I have a wonderful life. I have clothes, food, electricity, a home, good parents... but I still feel alone.

It's this aching feeling in my arms, this hole in my stomach. Sometimes I feel so empty I think I'm hungry. So I eat and gain 10 lbs! DX

Sometimes I hate myself so much. I feel like I need to go back to rehab for my depression. But the real reason I want to go back is because I met really cool people there who understood what I was going through.

See, I'm so messed up that I WANT to go to rehab just to meet new friends. -__-

But it'd be better than feeling so alone and empty[/SIZE].