wistfulwings's Profile

Today is my eighteenth birthday. I'm finally a legal adult. Unfortunately, I don't feel very happy... There's no one here to celebrate with me.

My mother and two younger siblings are on the other side of the country. My father is on the other side of the world. Two of my best friends live in another state. My third best friend lives two hours away. And the rest of my family has work or other plans.

I suppose I could do something belated when I can finally see them again, but I don't think it would feel as special. I should probably be used to being left alone anyway. I can't remember the last time I did something with my entire family or all of my friends. Sometimes I feel that I'm not important to them anymore...

If I didn't make the stupid choice of skipping an entire year of school I would have already graduated and probably be with my mother right now. Graduation would have made me happy, but I'm not sure how I would feel about being her. She always tells me that she loves me and that she will always listen to whatever I have to say. Somehow, it's a little hard to believe her. She spends more time with my brother and sister and seems to be willing to please them more than me. Maybe I got too old to hang around. I don't know.

The situation is also the same with my father, but I know he thinks that something is wrong with me. He always tells me that the things I do aren't normal, like they're sinful or unlawful. Yes, I am painfully shy and yes, I do feel depressed sometimes, but I don't believe I expressed any signs of life endangerment for him to let me live in a mental hospital. I don't understand why I can't be just me. Why should I act like everyone else? Isn't there some importance to being unique?

As for my friends, I understand that being far apart can hinder the frequency of communication. We have separate lives from each other when we aren't together. Sometimes I just wish that they, and maybe I as well, could try harder and be more appreciative of our friendship. I feel like I'm always the one who has to contact them first for them to respond. And, I don't mind hearing about their daily lives, but it's so irritating to hear how much they're in love with their insignificant other every single day or that they're only talking to me because they have nothing better to do. Why can't they just settle down and talk to me because they want to and are willing to delve deeper into a conversation than how the weather is or about whom someone is dating?

Someday, I would love to meet someone who I can actually connect to. I want to talk to someone whom I feel completely comfortable with and who understands my philosophies. Maybe that's what I'll wish on my birthday cake this year...