thoughtlessamaya's Profile

[B][COLOR="Teal"]I'm really confused about how I feel about a lot of things: but I have a peculiar thing I'm going to rant about.

I have the feeling that I am in love with two people, and I feel like I'm in the middle being pulled in opposite direction, which hurts a lot. This situation goes like this:

[QUOTE]"This is my story, so it'll be easy to understand the situation at hand:
When I was a freshman I dated Nick for about eight months, and we had a great relationship, but we broke up for stupid reasons over the Summer. He was friends with someone who was a really bad influence and very demanding. And this was when Nick was easy influenced. This guy, named Josh, turned Nick into a complete asshole and turned him into someone I didn't realize. Over time, they both started harassing me, turning my life into living hell. But through all this, I knew it wasn't who Nick really was, so of course I was still in love with him.

When I finally broke free of them for the time being, I met someone at school. I've been dating Steven for 2 years starting November. We've had our ups and downs, but we've managed to pull through, and I love him. I lost my virginity to Steven, so naturally I have a connection with him. But something will not let me let go of my feelings for Nick, and I feel like I'm cheating in some manner by still feeling this way.

While Steven and I were dating, Nick and I got back in contact. He was living with my brother in an apartment and I decided to visit, knowing he was there. We talked and he was the Nick that he used to be before Josh changed him. Apparently Josh and him got into a fight and Josh was moving out of state to Texas. We exchanged phone numbers and right as I left he started texting me, and he ended up admitting how sorry he was for treating me the way I did. I told him I wouldn't accept his apology until we talked about the whole issue in person. So we met up at my house and we sat down for the whole day talking about it. I was in tears, spilling out my feelings, and how me made me feel. Saying he made me feel so low that all I wanted was for my life to end. That's when he started to cry, telling me he wished I could have woken him up before he came the person he was.

One time, Steven and I got into a huge argument, and I said I wanted some space. That same night, he asked out my best friend and she said yes. I was hurt and broken. Nick was there for me, willing to drive thirty minutes from his home just to see me and comfort me. A few days later, he asked me out, and I said yes out of my pure feelings for him. I was still upset over Steven, but at that time, that was how I felt.

Somehow, Nick and I broke up, and we both agreed on it. And now Steven and I are back together. But I am no longer friends with the girl that he asked out.
And now Nick is in the Air Force, and I miss him like crazy. And I can never get him off my mind, and me thinking about him makes my chest hurt. :/

I feel like I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I can't help feeling the way I feel. And I don't want to talk to Steven about it because he'll be hurt and I don't want that."[/QUOTE]

I feel like I'm going back on my word with Steven, when I promised him I wouldn't leave him for someone else because I love him. Which I do a lot, and I will never cheat on him. But I guess its my fault for making that promise. But I don't want to leave him and think that I betrayed him and lied to him for as long as we have been together.

This has been stressing me out for a very long time, and I fear that its starting to affect me physically more than I would like it to. I'm frequent with panic attacks, but that was there even before this happened. But now my chest sometimes feels tight and this has been going on and off for over a week, and I'm starting to get worried.

I guess I should question my doctor soon and see if there's any possible solution to this stress that's affecting me.[/COLOR][/B]