EllipticalHorizons's Profile

[I]Today I woke up at about 8 AM and went downstairs. It's not usually my decision to wake up that early, more the decision of the roofers who are outside smashing tiles and singing in Mexican. I hobbled downstairs and laid on the couch. Next thing I know I wake up and catch a glance at the clock. Immediately I think "no way, I did NOT sleep in this late!". The clock taunted me with 11:30 AM. Now for any usual teenager this wouldn't really be a huge thing, most people I know can sleep all day. For myself, I usually don't try to sleep the day away. I like to get up and watch television and maybe go for a walk. When I was finally finished eating a bowl of Mr. Noodles I came online to find James who was waiting for me. My heart sank when he told me he was worried from reading a post of mine. Sometimes I wish that people didn't have to worry about me all of the time, it gets hard knowing you're the cause of stress and worry in loved ones lives. Today is the day that I try to change things around. For real. I still have reocurring thoughts that could definitely tear me down and bring me back to where I was 2 months ago, but I know I can fight them. I really owe a lot of my own personal success to my friends and God. I believe at this point in my addiction God is the one fueling my fire and keeping my passion to succeed aflame. If I were to write a testimoney, I would most probably use bits and pieces from this very blog because it's the absolute truth. I swear.

Today I was planning on going to the mall to get something to eat but I can't seem to get out of this crippling slump I've experienced the last couple days. I think "Oh, who cares if I go out? There's nothing to do alone anyways." So I waste away infront of the computer typing up blogs, like this one.[/I]

[SIZE="1"][I]Today has been pretty average. I woke up and was comatose for about 3 hours before the haze finally lifted. I mustered up enough energy to grab myself some chicken nuggets. It seems like lately I haven't been very hungry, and maybe that's a good thing. I could stand to be skinny. After spitefully stuffing food in my face I came onto the computer where [B]he[/B] was online. Everytime I see [B]his[/B] name on my friends list my heart flutters. I love [B]him[/B] so much. More than I've ever loved any person, and more than I probably ever will. I can't wrap my mind around how [B]he[/B] makes me feel. When I talk to [B]him[/B] I feel like I can get through another day. Lately I have been really doubting us though, because it's such a long distance relationship. I'm so terrified that [B]he[/B] will find somebody else, and it hurts. When [B]he[/B] smiles everything feels right. When [B]he[/B] tells me [B]he[/B] loves me, I know [B]he[/B] means it. I want us to work with my entire heart, and I know God is helping it in His own way. [B]His[/B] smile, mind, voice, [B]soul[/B]... everything about [B]him[/B] is perfect. I feel like I've neglected [B]him[/B] today. It was rude of me to play a video game while talking to [B]him[/B], but no matter what, I know [B]he[/B] always loves me.

Now sitting here completely alone typing out this sappy story, listening to our song, I realize things will work. There is no way on earth this can't work. I have one thing to say to you reader, you Menewsha, and to the world: I love [B]James[/B] and I don't care who knows it, who opposes it, and who doesn't think it's right.[/I][/SIZE]