Seridano's Profile

I try to get into convos by talking about whatever they're talking about but I am CONSTANTLY overlooked, and I am just over that. So over that... even my own threads have died despite me trying to keep them alive... Even with pinging friends to them and whatnot... *sighs* Really makes me feel super discouraged, and I am not sure if I can do this. People say that I need to try harder, to try to meet them half way. When I FEEL that no one else is trying to meet me, and I am expected to do all the work. There is only so much that I can do!

Yeah, like anything that people say is actually going to be addressed... because people do not like change and apparently bringing people down and making them feel stupid and like everything is their fault is what is the norm now. I've never been part of a group... I come online to get away from the stupidity of normal every day offline life... and yet it's just the same here.

But apparently whenever I talk about it now. Most people just saying I'm making this about me, that I'm not thinking of others... only me. Yeah, now that I think about it, sure... I am making it about me, because what they are doing is being bullies, and I have been bullied enough. It makes me want to cry - like people say they want to listen, but then tell me that I shouldn't. Like they don't even care. :(

The fact that this is how it has been for months, I just got sick of having to feel like I was supposed to remain quiet about it and had to speak up. Which just got people attacking me. Either I am attacked, or they attack me.

I know there are a handful of people who don't mind listening, but lately that group - to me - has shrunk considerably. I have people say that they're willing to listen but then turn back around on me and act like I am acting inappropriately - and that I am making too big a deal of whatever it was. That I am not allowed to have feelings on the matter, and act like it is ok for them to say that they understand yet make me feel severely unwelcomed here.

But maybe that is just me and my extremely jaded moods now. Sure I have a few people who will listen and let me just vent if I need to get something off my chest... but because I've had way too many people who I've thought of as friends turn around on me, it makes me hesitant to actually tell people how I'm honestly feeling.

For me, since joining and my unintentional break from Mene (due to college being stupid and deciding to take up my life - which is bound to happen again come August when I'll be moving down to SoCali to start - hopefully - the last few years of my schooling), I feel like Mene has started sliding down hill, and it's not totally the place that it was when I joined it back years ago. People seem to act like it is, but given that I am once again feeling like I am the outsider (story of my life), and I am looking in, I see something way different than those who have their cliques and groups of people who don't ever ignore them and over look them.

I also have issues when I need to say something, and sure sometimes I post big posts, and others who I am talking to, post something that really in all honesty isn't relating to what I just posted... I feel like people don't even take the time to truly read posts anymore. *shrugs* But what can I do about that. ((It does make me not want to post long posts anymore though.))

I am trying to just move on. Despite the feelings that it gives me. I am just not sure if I can do this though. Trying to make the good outweigh the bad - but I am not sure if I can do that. I am just feeling like I'm expected to just take the bad and not even talk about it, that is what is getting to me the most. And that people are acting like I am making a bigger deal of this than I should be. *sighs* I don't know what I'll be doing yet... But lately, I know that I've been avoiding Mene more than usual because of it. And only going into like 3 threads, because I'm trying to avoid everyone that has been bullying me (as I see it - it is totally cyber bullying) so that limits where I can go. Once again in my little corner on the out skirts of things - guess that is just who I'm meant to be, I can't escape it. :(

I would like that.

Agh I shouldn't. I'm supposed to be studying for my midterm tomorrow. Thanks though!

I'm still considering it - either that or taking a very very very long break. I tried to give myself time to take a step back from things, but no matter how much space I try to give, the more it makes me just feel so iffy and upset. Mene to me used to be a place where I felt accepted and happy, but lately, it's not been all that welcoming as it once was and I'm getting the feeling from some people that I'm no longer welcomed here.

Just not sure what to do, but if I do end up taking a break it will be a LONG while before I'm back, if I do come back that is.