Chi's Profile

Over the past year I've noticed a lot of changes within myself. Perhaps one of the bigger changes has been how I've been reevaluating some of my relationships.

When I reached the end of my undergraduate studies (which included a fair amount of field experience, or actual "real life work" in the final two semesters) I realized something. I would spend the entire day essentially being in a counseling role, then I would come home and a handful of my friends would be having issues and want an open ear to listen. Incessantly. And often over the same issues, over and over again. Cue the passage of time, and I found myself severely burned down. Not burned out, just down. The negativity had begun to eat me alive.

My "work" had inched into my life to the point I couldn't escape being in a counseling role. I don't dislike the role, but I do dislike not being able to properly unwind and relax when I'm on "my" time. It's taken me a very long time not to feel selfish over this, too. Work is work and personal time should remain as such.

I've slowly been letting go of some relationships, even those I've had for nearly ten years now. When I was a teenager I found that I got a lot of positive reinforcement out of my relationships by being "the empathetic listener". I always felt useful.

However, I no longer need that reinforcement, but rather now I expect my relationships to be mutual. If I support you, I expect you to support me. And for the love of everything, don't have a freakin' crisis every other minute. We are all human and we all face difficulties. That's life. But being the constant downer isn't okay, and it's rare for a personality like that not to unintentionally push everyone else away.

I am feeling pretty secure where I am in life overall. This type of cleanse has been very healthy for me. The friends I keep closest are those I can both laugh and fall apart with when I need it. It's a great thing.

It always intrigues me to look at the differences in people, myself included. One of the things that sparks me is the subject of self care. You know, the efforts made to prevent emotional and physical burnout so that we don't wander the earth feeling abused, angry and emotionally isolated from our peers.

Who can (healthily) function if they never take some personal time to just relax and find some beauty in life?

Who can (healthily) function if they haven't learned how to say "no" when their plate is already brimming over with things to do?

I'm not suggesting that people be selfish. Selfishness isn't at all appealing. What I am suggesting is that people learn to notice the differences in selfishness, selflessness, and how to seek a happy medium between the two.

Doing 9 out of 10 "good deeds" in a day is more than enough. Do the 10th one for yourself. It doesn't make you a disappointment. Being a martyr isn't admirable; it's just heartbreaking.

Doing 9 out of 10 "personal things" in a day is more than enough. Do the 10th for someone else. You might like yourself a little more, and who knows, people just might like you back.

Over the past several months I've switched gears from worrying about everyone else a little too much to worrying about me a little more. It's still hard some days, but I'm finding things to be a little more brighter outside than they used to be.

I have a funny pair. The fingers are bent and won't straighten unless I force them. I won't say forcing them straight hurts, but it's a feeling of tension I'd rather avoid.

A few months ago I was reading up on pregnancy and tuna fish out of curiosity's sake and read that overconsumption of tuna might create odd finger and joint development (mercury).

I laughed when I remembered my mother saying how she followed a very strict diet while pregnant with me. Tuna fish, often, dry.

I don't know if there's truth to it, but it amuses me. Perhaps it shouldn't, but it does. :XD

While I would much prefer to receive the juvenile, "Is your refrigerator running?" type pranks over the telephone, I unfortunately end up with creeps doing naughty sexual things on the other end or worse.

This afternoon the call went as such:

"Hello?"
"Hey.. ;) You like diapers?"
"Excuse me?"
"Diapers. Do you like them?"
"...Er...no."
"I'm wearing one right now. *purr*"

*TWITCH*

Why are people so weird? This call was better than the other one. I'll spare the details as nothing about the scenario is PG-13. :gonk:

I really should invest in some, but for two syringes it costs over $100? No thanks. I'll take my allergic reactions to, um, [I]everything[/I] and deal.