Burning Bridges
 

Yesterday, I got in a tussle with a friend of mine when she really needed my help with something.. I was only telling the truth, but I said it all wrong and it didn't end well.

I've found out then the reason why I don't usually have friends is because I'm no good with people at ALL. But, sadly, I also have many negative images on people, and I'm unsure how to change it.

I figured it would be easy to get rid of the people I know now so I don't have to keep hurting them without me knowing until it's too late. I hate knowing also that they really hate me for that reason or something else I did/do.

Online, I get blocked many times only to have people say their sorry MONTHS later, after I've tried to contact them to give them my appologizes. Yeah right, like I'm gonna believe you NOW that you're sorry? I hold grudges too which is also no good..

In real life..well, that's virtually non-existent.


Basically, I hate people & don't know how to change my stand point. But at the same time, I no longer feel bad or guilty about it. If I could, I'd live a life as a hermit. My opinions might change from time to time..but it's all still the same

What exactly do you want help with here?
I can see that you seem set in your ways and you know why your ruining friendships so easily.
So, do you find this a problem or are you happy with it?
If your happy with doing this then carry on what your doing.
If you arnt then you know what the problem is right away so change it.

You automatically see the faults and bad points in people. From now on, when you meet someone new or even an old friend, think of one good thing you like about them. All it has to be is one. Concentrate on this good point every time you see and talk to them.
It will make you feel more comfortable around them and feel more at ease and enjoy chatting to them.
The next time you chat, try and think of the good point you found last time and then think of another. If you cant then just focus on the point you thought of before.

Another thing you need to learn is to think about how you word things before they are said. Its hard to do sometimes but if its going to hurt another feelings then its best to think before you say. Most people do not like the brute truth and prefer people to 'sugar coat' things for them. Its a reason why most people go to their friends with their problems and things they needs help with. They want you to be on their side and comfort them rather than tell them 'you were an idiot' or 'you got what you deserve'

Most people are not good with other people. Most people are not born with social skills built in. Its a skill we have to learn. All you have to do is learn these people skills which will take time and you are going to mess up in places to be completely honest with you but once you've gotten these skills you'll see your friendships increase and become stronger and maybe even new friends joining :)

Yeah, that's the hardest thing is learning, and then USING what you've learned, which is even harder. Slowly, but surly I'll get it together.. in the mean time, I'm not sure if there's a way to patch things up with that friend so..

:| are you serious.... go and tell her sorry. tell her that what you said was true but that you didn't mean to say it the way it came out. If you really care about her as a friend, then just suck it up and tell her sorry. it's honestly never too late to say sorry. and even if she wont accept it at first, if she's your real friend then she'll realize you didn't mean to upset her, and she'll come and say she's sorry and try to be friends again. just don't push her away once she does, because all people heal in different length of time and in different ways. just try to be patient and calm.

Thanks, both of you :heart: Seriously.

Ashiyama - I took your advise & calmy thought of a way to appologize (again) ^_^;; To make it more sincere, and I hope she'll accept it. And I wasn't even making it SOUND sincere, I really wanted it to be. It took a lot of time to think, but then I thought, "If I'm REALLY that into appologizing, the right words will come to me"

And they totally did :heart: I sure feel better, but I totally hope that she will T_T

Awesome! I'm really glad i was able to help! that makes me feel good :D and i hope everything works out for you!! ^__^

Me too ^_^ So far, no response from her, and I hope she didn't delete it but *shrugs* If she still wants to not be friends, maybe that's just how it will be,.

well, just give her time and hopefully she'll come around :) good luck, lemme know how it goes :D hope it goes well.

No answer yet XD Maybe it blew over & she's just not talking to me anymore. Oh well.

Well, like i said.... just give it time, or maybe even try to tell her sorry over the phone or in person. that'd be better.

Well, so far it's an online friendship ^^;; And so far so good! She never really replied to my email, but I saw her on IM today & we're pretty good now ^^

I still can't shake the feeling with other people and "friends" though.. I've ran into some dumb people whom I've just about cut off from my life. Mostly because I THOUGHT they were my friend, only to find out they talk about me behind my back. Yet, I'm always there for them. So, that's not cool.

I'm trying to find new people in life, but I live in a TOTALLY BORING PLACE with almost nothing to do. And I have a job, so there's not much going on there either. Work is work, and social life is social life. So I am nowhere considering meeting people on the job.

hmm, who knows, maybe becoming friends with her co-workers would be a good thing?? and i'm glad to hear that things with ur friend are going good :D

Yeah, but then she kinda disappeared again XD

Like I said, it's online though so I guess I shouldn't care. There's only 1 person that we're both friends with..and that's her boyfriend O_O So, I can only go so far with that anyway.

Man, this "friendship" tie kinda sucks now that I look at it. I'm just gonna cut it off and hopefully be able to like..find some people irl. I'm just so bad with it though T_T Not saying it's impossible..but geeze.

Aww, that sux. Well still, i wish ya luck. Maybe things will get better for you, just try not to push everyone away, and try to interact with people more.