Menewsha Avatar Community

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-   Poetry (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=128)
-   -   my poem "Fade" (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=104366)

Okkuu 10-09-2008 06:26 PM

Trapped in a glass box
watching you walk away
not caring where i am
or even what i am doing
you fade away
as i stay there taped crying
i love you
i thought you loved me
but all you did was walk
leaving me on the floor
as the pain consumes me

i do have more poems and i would love to hear some comments to make my poems better. other then the fact that my spelling isn't right because i know that already.

Okkuu 10-10-2008 06:28 PM

come on people i want to know what you think pleeaaaaasssssssseeeeeeeeee read please *gets on hands and knees* pleas *puppy dog look* i just want to know

Melody 10-15-2008 02:23 PM

I've merged your first two posts and deleted the spam in your third. Please if you want people to see your topic, add something in the title like "looking for critique' or post on topic "hey can someone give me some critique on this" don't post random nonsense. Thanks (:


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