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Disciplining Children: To Spank, or Not To Spank? THAT is the question.
Whether tis nobler in the minds of men...
ok shutting up. (Shakespeare nerd) Anyway, a topic that really gets on my nerves these days, and was brought up in another thread, is what is the proper way to discipline a child? I sit on the spanking/pain aspect, but only when the child deserves or is 'naughty'. I don't agree with beating a child for no reason; obviously that's child abuse. However, in today's society it seems to be perfectly acceptable to raise your child to be a little terror because 'Oh! I can't stop my child from chasing his/her dreams!' Let's face it folks- when you're young, your dreams consist of being a princess living in a castle made of candy, or being Superman. You know? It is my belief that a swat here or there does a world of difference in the world of a child, in shaping them to be what society demands of a human being. Many people step up and say that hitting a child in any sense or for any reason is wrong, and as a child who was regularly spanked and believes that she turned out ok for it (a little insane, but ok) I disagree with this and say fuck the supernanny rules! Go back to the way our parents SHOULD have raised us, with strict rules (no matter how 'cruel' they may seem) and painful disciplinary action. But that's just me. What do you think? |
Okay, this whole "You can't touch your child without getting child services on you back" is B.S.
Honestly! I am not saying horrificaly beat your child or anything, but if your kids bad he needs to be punished! And not by sending him to his toy infested room for a few hours with no supper, that he probably didn't want anyway! |
yeah, you dont have to beat your child to death or to the point of bleeding! XD heavens no! But discipline is lacking in our culture today, and needs to be reinforced in my opinion. Children crave structure no matter how much you deny it. I'm the most unorganized person you will meet, and without mom or dad yelling at me to step it up, i'm a goner. T_T lol which is a horrible quality to have but hey. I always have learned things the hard way. It's just the way I am. XD
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I was spanked when I was a kid and, I turned out fine. I've seen too many of the kids who aren't disciplined because some "child expert" says you shouldn't strike your child and it's not a pretty thing. I work at two schools and the kids are holy terrors, not all of them but, a lot of them. My kids have been spanked a few times, there are times when it's necessary and appropriate, my kids aren't perfect angels but, they do what they're told and don't get into much trouble, spanking isn't the only form of punishment I use either, my daughter has had more than her fair share of grounding and I've pulled the video games from my son a few times. What I am accomplishing is making them understand that there are consequences for their actions.
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See I agree with all of you. What I don't understand though is the people who thinking striking a child in ANY form is bad...
I wish someone with a different opinion would come on or someone would play the devil's advocate at this point. LOL |
Spanking.
I don't see why spanking is needed, I was not spanked as a child and I turned out okay. I'm not a horrible person who thinks they can get away with doing bad things or anything like that. There are other ways that don't involve hurting a child to get the point across. I'm kind of glad there are laws against people other than parents (teachers, principals, babysitters) spanking children, those people definitely have no right to spank someone else's child. Yes, I know there are super bratty children out there, but their parents might not want them spanked (though they should be doing something about them). As far as parents not being able to spank their own children, that might be going too far with the law. I still find it unnecessary in most cases though. Maybe if you have a really horrid child that is bad all the time and unpleasant to be around constantly. But then those kids probably have other issues that need to be dealt with anyway.
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Although I certainly agree with most everything you've said and have even said myself that some children today need a good spanking, any form of discipline at all is what's needed first and foremost.
So many kids are allowed to just run around and do whatever, making the large majority of us wish that someone would pop these kids, but if their parents actually paid them any attention and you know, tried to raise them, then spanking might not even be needed. In my whole 18 years of life, I've only ever been spanked once. My mother always tells me how her friends remark on how mature and polite I am, even when I was little. Why? Because my mother actually disciplined me, she set rules for me and told me what was expected of me and when I broke the rules or didn't do as expected, I was punished. How I was punished varied on what rule I broke and to what degree, sometimes it was just a stern talking to and a threat of greater punishment should I repeat the action, other times I was grounded (and unlike most kids now a days, it worked for me, I lost all my privileges and toys.) and on that one time when I was bad enough, I was spanked. My mother cried harder than I did, because she doesn't like spanking and was upset that she had to punish me, but it worked. I was scared stiff of spankings from that day forward, not only did I never break that rule again, but I went out of my way to be a good child and avoid either upsetting my mother or breaking a rule. I learned quickly that not only did behaving help me to avoid punishments and win me rewards, but that it was just generally the right thing to do. Obviously, that won't work for all kids. Some even need the physical punishment of a spanking. But first and foremost, children need rules and discipline. Spanking won't work quite as well if you just up and spank your child for being a brat without explaining why and then letting them go back, unsupervised to doing what they were doing before only to "discipline" them once they've broken some rule. Children, small ones especially, need structure and reliability. |
The reason I said that spanking isn't necessary in my opinion is because I was never spanked as a child and I turned out fine. Same with my brother. Also, in the nanny shows, they pick the most terrible rotten kids and turn them around without hitting.
I didn't mean that I think it's wrong for other people to spank their children, I meant that it's possible to raise good kids without ever hitting. It probably just takes a lot more work. And no, I've never had kids before. I don't plan on having kids because I don't measure up to my own standards for parents (which I admit are very high). |
I love how everyone says "I was/wasn't spanked as a kid and I turned out fine". It's not that if you don't spank your kid they will turn out to be a horrible person who thinks everything is about him. No, that's just bad parenting.
And if you weren't spanked when you were young, congrats! You were a good kid! I know I wasn't. And I got spanked, and i was damn scared of being spanked too, a lot less then I was scared of losing TV or being ground. I was 5 what was grounding going to do to me? I can see grounding working now that I am older and have a social life. But the fact that I was afraid of being spanked made the rules just light up for me. OH! If I don't yell and kick and scream when I don't get my way I won't get spanked! Fancy that! |
lol What a great response, Zuu.
I agree for the most part that yes, it depends on the child. Not all children NEED to be spanked. I understand that. Some kids are naturally wonderful little angels that follow all the rules set in front of them. If that was you- congrats and I envy you. I enjoy bending and breaking rules too much to be that way, haha. However, this post was more meant for the little terrors that are never ever spanked. I was a victim of a child bully, as most kids are, but my beef with her, to this day (we now go to the same college) is that she was never disciplined and she has become a very snotty, know it all young woman, and no matter what horrible things she does, her mother backs her up 100%. (Unfortunately our little tiff began when I accidentally hurt her by having too long of nails and leaving open wounds on her back when she stole my soccer ball: I lunged at her, missed catching her shoulders and bouncing off by thismuch and that's how it all began. I apologized profusely; she even got a beanie baby out of the deal, but she turned around and made my life hell for years. I still have issues with that. My actions wouldn't have been provoked if I hadn't have been dealing with my first death, the death of my grandfather and had nowhere to vent to, but suffice to say I was given a firm talking to and good hard spanking and it never happened again.) I firmly believe in groundings and firm talkings to, but with these little terrors, especially the ones on the nanny shows, that's not enough. Some of these children just need belts across the ass, not some stuck up british nanny SUGGESTING they be little angels. Ugh. |
Ugh! I know exactly the ones your talking about. The ones that yell and scream at mcDonalds because they have to pick off the pickles! They have everything handed to them, and instead of calling them oh holy terrors, they call them "creative".
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THAT! YES!
AND THE ONES THAT REFUSE TO EAT THE CRUST ON BREAD, AND THE ONES THAT HAVE SPECIAL MEALS COOKED FOR THEM WHEN THE WHOLE FAMILY IS EATING SOMETHING ELSE... Ugh. Can't. Stand it. You either eat what's on your plate or you don't eat at all. Simple as that. *twitch* |
These are mostly problems with bad parenting. Punish them from day one! This is mostly with Only childs too. Because when parents have there first kid they need to smother it. Makes me sick.
I mean come on! Even the doctor spanks him! |
...I'm an only child. LOL
I was ANYTHING but spoiled from day one. (I was also premature, btw.) My grandma spoiled me though....(I was the only female grandchild. That's why. She did freaking portraits of me for god's sake! The woman was an ANGEL! (And if she wasn't before she certainly is now...miss you gammy.)) |
Awwwe :( Sorry to hear about your gammy...
I am the only girl, three brothers. I know what it's like to not have anything but hand-me-downs. |
I actually quite like hand-me-downs. ^_^
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Children.
You people sound like you might be a bit jealous... Or something. I don't know. I don't really see the problem with some of these things you mentioned. There's a problem if a child throws a fit about something, yes. But really. The food thing, I don't think children should be forced to eat something. Encouraged, sure. Forced, no. =/ If you put the mentality of having to eat everything on the plate, the child could end up overeating, and getting used to that overeating as well. Especially when you go some places and the servings are huge. I'm the kind of person who brings home a box with half my meal in it when I go out to eat and end up eating it later, because I just can't eat that much at once. I'm also very picky when it comes to some foods. My mom never forced me to eat things. And actually, I think the reason was that when she was a child her parents forced her to eat things she didn't like. And to this day she can't stand certain foods that they made her eat and so she never treated me that way. She still complains about how terrible her mother was for making her eat things she didn't like. That sort of thing honestly wouldn't have worked on me anyways, no matter how bad the punishment for not eating things would have been. And you know, now as an adult, I realize more about things being healthy/unhealthy, and I can make better decisions about what I'm willing to eat, and I do try to find things that are better for me. Children don't really understand this and they will just see their parents as being mean. And I don't mean allowing children to eat cookies and candies all day, they have to have something substantial, but I think they should have some choice in the matter, or if they really hate something, they shouldn't have to ever eat that particular thing. I'm also an only child, and it annoys me how everyone just assumes only children are spoiled rotten brats. We're not. Sure, my mom is nice and buys me things sometimes, usually when I need them. Big deal. She doesn't do everything for me. Once I get a job, I look forward to being able to afford things myself and not feeling guilty about spending my parents' money. If anything, I think my cousins get more help and are more spoiled by my grandparents than I will ever be. No one really helps me out the way they are helped out. Oh and as for the hand me down things, I've actually gotten clothing from friends, neighbors, and cousins, and I don't mind that at all. If the clothes are still good and nice looking, I'm grateful for them. I've also passed my old clothes to friends as well.
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I'm sorry if you interpreted that the wrong way... " Grr you do not like fish *Spanks kid because he doesn't like fish*" ... We were just ranting about picky kids. Sorry about that.
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I agree with Vickicat.
By the way, I think children should be spanked. |
@Vickicat- no offense but it sounds to me like your mom needs to get over her parent issues. My parents raised me with the 'eat what's on your plate or you don't eat' mentality to keep me from being picky. And you know what? IT WORKED. I was even more open to try new things because of it. If i didn't like something on my plate, I at least TRIED to eat it because that's what Mom told me to do. She went out of her way to make the food, the least i could do was try to eat it. That's so simple and we'd have less of these stupidly picky kids if more people raised their children with that mentality.
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I think that whether or not you should spank your child depends on the kid. When I was little, my dad spanked me a lot and I grew to distrust/hate most adults and felt that I had to be on my "best behavior" 24/7. I think that if he hadn't been so controlling I would be a more vibrant and social person than I am now. I also tend to think that I don't deserve anything, and am quiet in almost all situations because I thought that if I didn't heed the teacher's request to keep my mouth shut she would spank me in front of the class (my dad said that his teachers used to hit him when he was a kid, and even though he didn't explicitly say that my teachers would do that to me, I assumed they would).
I know what you're talking about with the spoiled kids who never get spanked, but I think it is possible to overdo it, as long as you spank them to change the behavior and not to satisfy your own need to control them. ^^; |
Of course! There's always a possibility someone might overdo it, and I'm sorry for what your dad did/said to you.
My issue is with the people who refuse to hit their children at all. |
I only tend to spoil my child during Christmas and his birthday... LOL. I love buying him stuff. And honestly more than anything I love taking him into the dollar store so we can pick out books for us to read together. But yea. I was spanked as a child. I'll admit there are times it can go too far and get out of hand. I think I was...18...when I got my last swat? But that's because my parents... tried... but they didn't know everything that was good to do. There comes a time where your kid starts thinking... "Are they actually enjoying this?" I don't think that I'm going to give my kid swats after he's old enough to follow directions. If he can say "yes mom" and go do what I ask him to. (Or say "yes mom" and sit there and play games and forget about it because he's playing games...) THEN I will switch to groundings. I'll be leaniant enough that I won't expect him to jump right up and do it. He'll have some time. But the main reason why I don't have a problem spanking my kid when he's the age he is now...(which is only 2 years old)... is because this is the age where they start PUSHING THEIR BOUNDARIES. They do things they KNOW they're not supposed to do because they're trying to see what you're going to do about it. If they get punished for it... then eventually they'll stop. I can't send my son into his room because he'll feel alone and unloved if I tell him to go there and don't go with him. And eventually he'll start playing on his own and either forget about it or come to believe that I really don't love him. I don't want that. And every child is different. I'm not saying that all children should be spanked. But i'm not against parents disciplining their children because it works for mine.
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Myself, two sisters and brother were never hit and we turned out fine.
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It's not a matter of "I turned out fine". It's a matter of some parents really need to learn to parent! The whole "well he is just letting his anger out in a creative way by kicking and screaming and being terrible" is what we are talking about.
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