Menewsha Avatar Community

Menewsha Avatar Community (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/index.php)
-   Poetry (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=128)
-   -   New Poem |need some critiques| (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=113829)

Azrael IIX 04-03-2009 08:53 PM

New Poem |need some critiques|
 
so yeah I made a poem and I already got some critiques about how I stick too much to the traditional style of poetry.I just need some more opinions to develop my writing,any feedbacks are welcome.

Sleep

The dawn has come and it’s time to rest
From all the day’s work we did our best
We deserve a goodnight sleep
Forget all the tears and weep

But as midnight strikes, it’s wise you’re asleep,
We still have energy to keep
This night, sleep tight, I’ll close the light
I won’t let you get out of my sight

With my words I should say
What I feel is not a kid’s play
In my words you should trust,
Every letter is a must.

I’ll be with you whenever you need me
Just wait for the right time and you’ll see
As I end my poem written for you
I’ll let you know my heart is for you

With you I will never be astray
And we will keep it that way
I will love you unlike any other
And show you we’re meant to be lovers

Salvation has come, how long it was gone?
Now that you’re here is there anything to fear?
My love for you can wait, it was never too late
This is something I would like to call fate

My feelings for you will never fade
Just trust everything I said
I can assure you even at forever’s end
My love for you will remain pure, untouched, reserved
Until we merge into one

thanks

Medusa Flame 04-05-2009 03:20 PM

I personly don't care about how the other people say about traditionly poetry but I think it is beautiful. You should keep writing poems. Good job!


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:07 PM.