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-   -   Prose: Sometimes... (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=115450)

dorkie 04-27-2009 05:54 PM

Prose: Sometimes...
 
I wrote this a while ago, so give me some comments on my work please.

Sometimes...
we take more than we give, never realizing it until we sit and ponder and it hits us so hard almost knocking us down..knowing all we had been given was truly a priceless treasure God somehow had this precious gift come into our lives for an unknown reason.

We give more than we take, feeling at times quite drained... though, the sheer satisfaction of seeing someone happy and smile, the twinkle in their eye.. knowing we were the reason it was so shiny. Sometimes.. we feel we'll stop giving or giving so very much, yet it's hard when it's part of your warm, caring heart to do anything but just that.

we love more than we should not stopping to take a breath or to stop and smell the roses along the way, holding onto that moment.. trying to freeze that memory in our minds forever.

we love too little in fear, holding onto the walls we've built up so proudly around our hearts and souls, not wanting to let anyone in for fear that if they really saw more than they should.. they'd be gone.

we cry sometimes, far too much.. yet, the tears do cleansh the soul so when we are ready to meet our Keeper in Heaven, the souls will be pure and white.
we smile in bittersweet memories, of memories past and memories yet to be made.. holding onto hopes and dreams that one day, we won't be alone again.

orange 04-27-2009 06:53 PM

XD I love the part where you used shiny <333
that is my favourite word XD

Quote:

we love more than we should not stopping to take a breath or to stop and smell the roses along the way, holding onto that moment.. trying to freeze that memory in our minds forever.
that part confuses me though...
I understand the last part about wanting to remember things forever, but what you wrote before it kind of contradicts that...because if you don't stop to smell the roses or whatever, then how can you possibly hold onto that memory of smelling them? Or was that like...some sort of phrase that you threw in just to put it in there o.o; ?
if you put a comma instead of the word "not" I think it would make more sense

but I dunno if that'd change the meaning of what you were trying to say...

dorkie 04-28-2009 12:26 PM

Opps, I meant to put "not be stoppping" XD sorry.


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