Menewsha Avatar Community - ZERO's Joke thread

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- Celes Paradi 2009 (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=218)

- - ZERO's Joke thread (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=123018)

hahah
Nice jokes guys,
Im about to head off to bed. Its starting to get late.
I expect to see some more jokes in the morning though!
take it easy everyone!

Hehe, night! Seeya later! I'll definitely be back!

I found this one, it amused me!

Quote:

Father O'Flannagan dies due to old age. Upon entering St.Peter's gate, there is another man in front, waiting to go into heaven. St. Peter asks the man, "What is your name what did you accomplish during your life?". The man responds "My name is Joe Cohen, and I was a New York city Taxi driver for 14 years" "Very well," says St. Peter, "Here is your silk robe and golden scepter, now you may walk in the streets of our Lord." St. Peter looks at the Father, and asks "What is your name and what did you accomplish?" He responds, "I'm Father O'Flannagan, and have devoted the last 62 years to the Lord". "Very well," says St. Peter, "Here is your cotton robe and wooden staff, you may enter." "Wait a minute," says O'Flannagan, "You gave the taxi driver a silk robe and golden scepter, why did I only get a cotton robe and wooden staff?". "Well," St. Peter replied, "We work on a performance scale, you see while you preached, everyone slept, when he drove taxis, everyone prayed!"

hehe night night baby.
ill talk to you soon

@EVERYONE!!- yes.
keep the thread alive.
i shall be up for a while longer yet..
so i expect to see plenty of activity from all of you
Thats an order!

lol
=)

Hehe well, it's actually about 7:30AM here, so I should get some rest really. But I'll leave you with one more, and I'll be back later!

Quote:

An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to the wife's interest in health food and exercising. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi. As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," St. Peter replied. "This is Heaven."

Next, they went out in the back yard to survey the championship-style golf course that the home bordered. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week, the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the greens fees?" St. Peter replied, "This is heaven, you play for free." Next, they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it is free!" St. Peter replied, with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.

St. Peter lectured, "That's the best part, you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick either. This is, after all, Heaven." With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and screaming wildly. St. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"

Hahahah.
righto Merri- have a good one.
we shall see you when you return later on =)

Well, ZEROs back and ready for more hysterical fits of laughter!
And ive got one that my Brother told me to get things rolling again
People are like slinky's, They give you lots of pleasure when you push them down stairs"

hahaha.. hehe yes.
that was a funny one.
I shall look for some more funnies hehehe

HAHAH... i thought this one was a little funny XD

Quote:

Girls night out
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

haha!
thats a good one. I just wish some more people would show up, get this party rolling again

haha, Rainbow, Your everywhere at the moment xP
Got any jokes for us?

i know ahy.
well seriah might be joining soon lol

righto then...I dunno, I might go to bed, although, family guy and american dad are on tonight...thats allways good

has anyone heard about the family going out and having to stick the cat out?

haha yeah/
awww don't go to bed yet baby.
its only early =(

*Whats Mario's pant made of???

Denim Denim Denim*

@Seriah...no?

I don't know how to quote....

she called me to get
my phone number.

she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said 'concentrate.'

she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

she tried to drown a fish.

she thought a quarterback was a refund.

she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

she tripped over a cordless phone.

she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

she studied for a blood test.

she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home,
she moved.

when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice
instead.

when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said
'Airport Left' she turned around and went home

Quote:

she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

Classic!
to Seriah,
If you wanna quote something, Theres a little speech bubble in the grey part of the reply box. Click it and the type away.

little speech bubble? I can't find it

I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.

Quote:

What did the snow man say to the other snow man?

Hmmmm... smells like carrots

hehe lame but funny

ok, right under were it says "Message:" in the quick reply box,
There is a greyish box, the bold, Italic and underline icons
BIU
its the icon on the end. =3

ohhhhh~

Quote:

Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

I got a ton of these cause my friend sends me chain letters, so keep replying! xD

Those are pretty hilarious. XD

how about this one? I had a heaps funny one but now I can't find it

Quote:

Swine flu is getting serious, it has been reported to be a hamdemic, which may lead to an aporkolypse.. But we'll get through. Where there's a swill there's a way.

Quote:

A bartender is just a pharmacist
with a limited inventory

The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.

I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.

I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.

*grin*

Quote:

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

Dyslexics Have More Nuf.

I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

When you work here,
you can name your own salary.
I named mine, "Fred".