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Menewsha Avatar Community (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/index.php)
-   Celes Paradi 2009 (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=218)
-   -   ZERO's Joke thread (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=123018)

Seriah 08-12-2009 11:08 AM
lol you got the same email?
Quote:
Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.



Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.



I like cats too.
Let's exchange recipes.

Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

I am having an out-of-money experience.

Ramble.Corset 08-12-2009 11:08 AM
yupperz
Quote:
Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.



Corduroy pillows are making headlines!



I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
aww that's the last of 'em! at least for what I got

Seriah 08-12-2009 11:10 AM
me too. I laughed so hard at this one though
Quote:
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking,'Isn't that obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'For reading a book,' she replies,

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again,
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

ZERO WolF 08-12-2009 11:12 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ramble.Corset (Post 1764833378)
how about this one? I had a heaps funny one but now I can't find it
Im gonna steal that one haha!
heres a fact-
Quote:
Chuck Norris can move so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head

Seriah 08-12-2009 11:13 AM
I don't reckon chuck norris could do that xD

ZERO WolF 08-12-2009 11:19 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seriah (Post 1764833439)
I don't reckon chuck norris could do that xD
AH! dont let him hear that! The last person who said that about chuck norris still owes him $10. And thats NASA!
Quote:
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
So dont let him hear you, with his muscular ears.:P

Seriah 08-12-2009 11:20 AM
lol. poor nasa. they never stood a chance

V I X E N 08-12-2009 11:21 AM
HAHAHA
but its chuck norris
he can do anything

ZERO WolF 08-12-2009 11:29 AM
well, Hes Chuck Norris. Only one man rivals him, and that man. Is Bruce Willis.
Quote:
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Seriah 08-12-2009 11:30 AM
brb guys my favourite show is on

ZERO WolF 08-12-2009 11:39 AM
oh, well, tell us what it is when you come back. I must know!
Quote:
Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly

V I X E N 08-12-2009 11:40 AM
hahaha...
well im gonna get some tea
so i shall be back Asap =)

Kalium 08-12-2009 11:47 AM
Quote:
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
How is this?

ZERO WolF 08-12-2009 11:47 AM
mmmm. Tea is good. I like tea. Perhaps I should get some coffee...
Quote:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate

V I X E N 08-12-2009 11:58 AM
@Kalium-HAHAHA
that was great.
Brilliant

N I G H T 08-12-2009 12:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZERO WolF (Post 1764833699)
mmmm. Tea is good. I like tea. Perhaps I should get some coffee...
I love that joke. =0

ZERO WolF 08-12-2009 12:01 PM
it was wasnt it. haha
Quote:
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

V I X E N 08-12-2009 12:03 PM
hehehehe... funny XD


Quote:
My Rules
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night.. whether you're here or not."

ZERO WolF 08-12-2009 12:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by N I G H T (Post 1764833823)
I love that joke. =0
Its a good one huh haha.
I like your avatar. Its really wicked!=3

V I X E N 08-12-2009 12:08 PM
This one is just great XD
lol


Quote:
0 to 200 in 6 seconds
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

ZERO WolF 08-12-2009 12:10 PM
HAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I'm gonna die!
Quote:
The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.
Quote:
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Kalium 08-12-2009 12:17 PM
V I X E N, I love that joke! Actually serves that spoiled woman right!

N I G H T 08-12-2009 12:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZERO WolF (Post 1764833873)
Its a good one huh haha.
I like your avatar. Its really wicked!=3
Yup. X3 And thanks <3

V I X E N 08-12-2009 12:21 PM
HAHAHAHHA OH GOD. thats great


Quote:
Needs
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up.

But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me."

The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.

The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We 'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each.

And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet.

The husband says "but you don 't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it.'

The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says " I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register. "

The husband says, " no no no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife face goes blank.

" No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

Her face gets really red she is about to explode and then the husband says " You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!"

@Kalium-heheh thanks.
i hope you liked this one as well lol

ZERO WolF 08-12-2009 12:23 PM
HAHAHAHAAHAHA!
Vixy your on a roll!!
Keep them coming baby!


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