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-   -   I Wrote a dark little poem :) (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=124331)

Mykhala 08-14-2009 10:17 AM

I Wrote a dark little poem :)
 
Out over the horizon, clouds rolling in.
The time for Storm has come again.
Darkened clouds, the day transforms.
The darkness comes as the lightening forms.
The wind, it blows clouds that banish mirth
as the rain falls and touches the earth.
A figure stands, still as stone,
a gentle soul but still alone.
His soul is one with the storm at hand
He calls his friend upon the land.
The thunder rolls, the lightening strikes,
the light arcs out like poisoned spikes.
The rain nurtures the earth below
The lightening is swift and sure as an arrow.
Thunder scares the children inside
as they wait indoors for the storm to subside.
The gentle rumble, the draft at night,
The constant, effective, flashing light,
The fall of the rain upon the roof,
All of these calming sounds aloof
Help to rock minds to rest.
With calming dreams abreast.
It storms through the day, into the night
The sun above is below, no longer bright.
The rain still falls, now say good-bye
as they fall asleep to their lullaby.

Comment and lemme know how I did! <3

Ehryn Rayne 08-14-2009 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mykhala (Post 1764876944)
Out over the horizon, clouds rolling in.
The time for Storm has come again.
Darkened clouds, the day transforms.
The darkness comes as the lightening forms.
The wind, it blows clouds that banish mirth
as the rain falls and touches the earth.
A figure stands, still as stone,
a gentle soul but still alone.
His soul is one with the storm at hand
He calls his friend upon the land.
The thunder rolls, the lightening strikes,
the light arcs out like poisoned spikes.
The rain nurtures the earth below
The lightening is swift and sure as an arrow.
Thunder scares the children inside
as they wait indoors for the storm to subside.
The gentle rumble, the draft at night,
The constant, effective, flashing light,
The fall of the rain upon the roof,
All of these calming sounds aloof
Help to rock minds to rest.
With calming dreams abreast.
It storms through the day, into the night
The sun above is below, no longer bright.
The rain still falls, now say good-bye
as they fall asleep to their lullaby.

Comment and lemme know how I did! <3

Really good! It flowed all together and it rhymed! Not the best I've ever seen., but really well! Hm... let's see out of 10? Maybe 5? Bah I'll go with 10. Out of ten you made aaaaaaa.... 5? 6? make it 6! Good job!

Zolar 08-24-2009 10:59 PM

Oooh, I really like it! Especially "A figure stands, still as stone,
a gentle soul but still alone.".
xoxo

Nolori 08-24-2009 11:49 PM

I quite liked it! I wish I could give some good feedback, but I've never been very good with poetry. My apologies.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mykhala
The lightening is swift and sure as an arrow.

This is the only line that seemed off-beat to me. It seemed to break the rythm.
Other than that I thought it was very good.

However, next time you want to post poetry, there is a little poetry sub-form just for poetry-lovers like you!

anupriyabond 09-02-2009 02:31 PM

its very good!!! would u mind if i use 2-3 lines in my orkut and facebook profiles??? the last 2 lines are very good!!! awesome poem!!! what do you call it???

Felina Azulas 09-03-2009 02:58 AM

I thought that was a rather nice poem. ^_^ Makes me want to put some of my own up here.

Witchling_Ichigo 09-03-2009 05:51 AM

cool. ^^ thats really good. :)


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