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Complications.
So. I was dating my ex for some three years, until I found out that he had cheated on me. I couldn't believe it because he was always the one that thought I was cheating on him, when I never did. And I trusted him. I broke up with him that day because it tore me apart. And even though he said he'd never do it again, I couldn't believe his words. I felt like all of my trust in him washed away. I mean, he kept it from me for a whole year. He should have told me, it wouldn't have hurt as bad.
When we broke up, he told me that he'd always love me and he'd be there if I ever decided to come back. Honestly, I believed those words, but I was still heart broken that he would cheat on me in the first place. Anyways The thing is now, that I'm realizing I miss him. Because when I was blissfully unaware, things were great. I really loved and cared about him. I'm not sure if this is just a lingering feeling or what. I mean I could be wrong, that people really can change, and he actually wouldn't cheat on me again like he said, but I don't know what to think. So this is pretty much a rant of what's in my head right now. But please no stupid comments. I'd like comments that might actually give me insight to what is happening or what I should do. Plus, advice is always a suggestion. |
I can say for a fact that him accusing you of cheating was just his guilty conscience's way of justifying his actions.
I would strongly suggest you find something else to occupy your mind to distract yourself from being lonesome; going back to him now would be a HUGE mistake, because he'll likely just end up cheating on you again. Find some friends to go out with, start keeping a self-improvement journal, anything that you think will lift your spirits. :) |
I have to agree with Hamlet, going back to him would be a mistake - someone who's cheating you once has a very low inhibition level for cheating on you again. So unless you can live with the thought of him doing it again you should rather not go back to him.
But how about keeping him close as a friend (since the two of you seem to have parted on good terms)? Maybe not too soon after breaking up, or else you might feel tempted to just go back to him, but after a while it should be okay. People are always making fun of "Let's just be friends!" offers, but I know a lot of former couples that have become rather close buddies. And until you feel strong enough for it, like Hamlet said: Find something else to keep you occupied. |
I agree - generally cheaters are the same people who constantly accuse their significant other of cheating - it's some twisted way of dealting with the guilty conscience.
I also agree that going back sounds like a good idea - but it's not Find someoneg else to occupy your mind, go out with your friend, spend more time on Mene ;), take up a new hobby or class - you need time to get used to not having him around. It's a comfort thing at this point (not that I'm saying you didn't actually care . . .but it's hard to trust again and for things to go back to the way they were before your trust was violated) |
It's really difficult to deal with cheating.
Because once it's been done once it's always in the back of your mind that it could happen again - if you go back to him, i can guarantee you that you won't be able to trust him for a long time, and that he'll have to have a lot of patience to get past that. It's unfortunate but true, that once a guy has cheated once and got away with it (i.e: you come back even though he did it) he's more likely to do it again. I'd say stick to your guns and try and ride out the pain. It will get easier. :) |
I think, personally, if he cheated once there is always a chance he'll do it again. For 3 years he decieved you and didn't care until you caught him. I think in time, you will learn to live without him and you WON'T miss him. With most breakups, you realize you miss the person and kind of want to go back. Some do, some don't. Those who don't meet someone else who they realize they love a hell of a lot more than the first person. If I were you, I'd never go back to him. But it's YOUR choice. If you think he is remorseful and truly concerned and truly loves you and want to take a chance - it's your chance to take. But just remember there is always the risk he will hurt you again.
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If he's cheated on you once, he's bound to cheat on you again. Cheaters don't usually change. So i suggest not going back to him. Maybe you should go do something to take him off your mind... |
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