![]() |
4 poems of mine
Rock the boy
become and fear ask in heart a tear is near sing not said who built what I write image go and play they had no shout reach and feel and erase one star only you have to tell her or me she or he give my goal but be more break belong on the music sweet as gems stand up at last his love for soul act like forever is lived of one good friend his goal his rock his fear to see to rock to fear her heart her smile her music my love for him no more said trust not broken sing to ask sing to give sing to fear sing to drift sing to deal sing to talk sing to rock sing to tear sing to near I’m sick of singing in heart in fear in rock in tear my love for him to lock away in life as sweet as a dove |
The first one makes little sense, and I think rewording some of it would help.
Quote:
On the second one the last three or so lines should be broken up a little more to continue that strong rhythm to the finish. It kind of ends a on a week note because of that disconnect. On the third you started out without a rhyming pattern and then suddenly jumped into one partway through which is strange. Again in the last one it ends on a week note for the same reason as before. As far as content goes, it was all pretty good. Nice vocabulary and strong verbs. :3 |
| All times are GMT. The time now is 08:20 PM. |