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-   Poetry (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=128)
-   -   Please tell me what you think (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=130132)

Less_Than_Forgotten 09-21-2009 01:26 AM

Please tell me what you think
 
Blackness Inside
Cold and black is my heart
All thats left is an ice cold stare
All the tears i had are now dried up
The blood in my veins flowing black
Ice cold to the touch
The living dead is what I am
What once drove me on is now killing me
What once saved me now is condemning me
A blackness is taking over
And theres no saving me now

Please tell me honestly what you think of this, I can take any criticism that you have and any advice that you have and I will take it to heart

Hresvelgr 09-21-2009 01:53 AM

/standing applause. Can i borrow your creativity for creative writing please?!!?!

I really like it. Do you have any more?

Less_Than_Forgotten 09-21-2009 02:06 AM

I have more on my gaia account, 'cept they are all on the depressing side. You can use it if you like

Less_Than_Forgotten 09-21-2009 02:10 AM

I need help with a title
 
Through those tired eyes you see the world crumbling
With the worn hands you hold yourself
Not feeling safe anywhere but within your own arms
The sky burns red from the fires in the city
Black smoke rising all around your glass sanctuary
As you stand before the vast burning city before you
You shed a single tear
All this power and triumph
And not a single soul to share it with
Great general of war
You are alone in this world
This world you have turned to ashes
The world you turned to hell

I need help titling this, my creativity kinda ran dry when I got to the title. Any help will be appreciated

Knerd 09-21-2009 06:37 PM

Less_Than_Forgotten, I've merged your two threads and moved them into our Poetry subforum. From now on, please update this thread with all of your new pieces. Each user is only allowed to have one Poetry topic. :yes:

Less_Than_Forgotten 09-21-2009 07:37 PM

Thank you, I'm still really new to this

Seraphinite 09-21-2009 11:59 PM

Very good, like always, Megankins.

Less_Than_Forgotten 09-22-2009 12:11 AM

Thank you Sera

Seraphinite 09-22-2009 03:22 AM

Your welcome ^-^

Less_Than_Forgotten 09-22-2009 03:54 AM

whats with the dog?


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