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Criminal to myself. Tell me what you think.
I lay on my bed at night,
And I think about my life. I wonder how it's come to be, That i'm so miserable. I've lain here many a night, And thought, oh how I wish, I was more understandable. I can't be seen, Without people staring. They don't seem to see, That i'm just like everyone else. I can't help it, I go home every night and let the tears slip from my eyes. I run into the bathroom again, And commit the crime I do every night. I rip the blade out of the drawer, and I push up my sleeves. I think how I much better i'll soon feel, And the tears begin to fall again. As I slide the razor against my skin, I hear the front door open. I quickly hide my weapons and begin to smile, Because I know my mom'll soon see the scar left behind. I grab a towel, And I clean up the bloody mess. I just wish people wouldn't stare, At all the scars and scrapes. And then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't be a criminal to myself. |
Please give me some criticism. Be harsh, Let me know what I need to improve.
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Here's another poem I wrote.
* Almost Poetic. Words written upon a page, Are simply that. They are not words spoken aloud, They cannot come to life, Unless you make them. You have to give them life, You've got to mold them into something real, And give them a meaning. Just like you've got to give life a meaning. Life is really nothing, Unless you've given it a meaning. You have to give it a reason, A reason why, Why you get out of your bed in the morning. Unless you have a reason, Life is like those meaningless words, Written upon that page. Almost Poetic. Almost, not quite. |
I really like your poems sweetie, they are very deep and immensely personal. you have a very good talent for gripping your reader and a story flow that entrances some. I love your style and I can clearly sympathize with your raw emotion and tone. good work sweetie.
*hugs* |
I need critisism.
Nobody Knows; ;
Nobody knows The way I feel I hate being stuck here Like I'm going nowhere I want to be known I want to be remembered But not as the girl who pities herself And gets too jealous Not as the girl Who cuts class To cry in the bathroom Or the girl Who has too many insecurities Nobody knows That I'm drowning in self doubt That I can't sleep at night Because I can't stop thinking About how pathetic I might really be I hate that nobody knows I've got some real potential; A little self confidence; No matter how battered I don't wanna be the girl Nobody knows. |
Tell me what you think of my poems. And, please, be harsh. I need to know how I can improve my work.
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Thank you. I've entered both of those in contests. The first got 3rd place and the second got first. :D I write whenever something inspires me.
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Drugged Up, I've merged your two threads together. Each user is only allowed to create one Poetry thread, so please remember to update this topic with all your new pieces. :yes:
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