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The one (poems 1 and 2)
The One In a feild of flowers purple as calming the beauty is overpowering. Peace is there it'll stay forever hopefully. But one foul step it comes crashing down a flower lays broken upon the ground. The feild it turns red as pain laughter gone there's only pain only one to blame. The flowers Bicker it worsens and the fault is on one. One that cause it with a move a flower crushed the one they weep. things have changed will not return one to blame and the one they weep. The One 2 The flowers red as pain their bicker softens and from the sky falls tears. The one they smile soft at first for the fighting is stopping if only for a short time. The flowers face once more again but no words of pain flow forth. The petals touch the flowers hug. Peace again restored the flowers change their petals dye deep purple comes alive. No more red pain as peace is shown again if only for a short time. It shows once more family is important no matter the crime. The one who caused the suffering they smile though timidly. The flowers bring the one in close family is the most. The one they smile and laugh again as the flowers join in. Peace restored even to the cause but still the one is cautious of all. |
Those are really good. ^_^
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Your lines are way too short. Poems don't have to consist of a bunch of tiny lines. You can make them into full lines for a much better poem.
I also think you're being a little too vague. I don't buy into that thought that poems should be vague an inaccessible. I get what you're trying to say, but I think that you could say it better. And dispelling preconceived notions about poetry will only do you good ^_^ |
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