A Little Help Creating Monsters?
 

This story idea I've been working on involves a large number of mythological, inhuman and supernatural creatures (most of which are dangerous) and although I'm certainly using some of the classics, I'm also attempting to invent my own monsters, oft based on base fears and perhaps one or two nightmares of my own. The only thing is, I have to make them be able to blend in with modern day. Not entirely, they can be morphed and twisted and people will probably just think they need more sleep, but you certainly can't have a minotaur walking down the middle of a city. I want to post one or two here to see what you think of them, and how you think I can improve them and refine them. After all, I don't want a crappy, no-good, not scary monster out released onto the world. x3

Here's the only one I have fully fleshed out right now: I'd love to see what you think of it!


Note: These are not nice, and these are not friendly. If you're easily scared, or just don't like to read about the horrible things these creatures are bound to be doing, please don't read this. x.o at least don't blame me if you get bothered by it. It's your fault.

Class: 5

Basic Info: A solitary creature by nature, the Kindräuber is the epitome of what Christabel has sworn to stop. Oftentimes when a child disappears, this mysterious beast is behind it. Tall, skinny and more than a little eerie, there’s certainly no feelings of remorse for having to kill one of these. (When the Kindräuber eats, it leaves behind a Lost Child.)

Appearance:
Average M Height: 6’5”
Average F Height: No females ever recorded
Average M Weight: 150 lbs
Average F Weight: No females ever recorded
Fur: None
Hair: None
Skin tone: A very pale grey color, similar to a corpse.
Skin texture: Compared to the average human it’s very soft, squishy and malleable.
Limbs: Identical to a human’s - two arms and two legs.
Torso: Identical to a human’s, save when it’s eating. During the embrace of its prey, a small tendril emerges from the torso and into the body of the victim.
Head: Human-like, but absolutely hairless, with small, beady eyes that glow slightly in the darkness and a mouth that never opens. (It’s rumored that it’s unable to open, as there’s no recorded event of seeing one with its mouth open.)
Tail: None
Joints: Identical to a human’s.
Voice: The only noise a Kindräuber makes is what should be a scream, but is muffled by the fact that they keep their mouth closed. You can detect their emotions by the tone in the scream, but few bear this skill. (Or want to, frankly.)

Capabilities:
Physical (Strength): Very little - certainly not impressive.
Physical (Speed): Surprisingly excellent, although it seems to only be used when they’re making an escape.
Physical (Agility): Once again, rather excellent.
Physical (Speech): Although they can communicate in a sound similar to a muffled scream, language either escapes them or is impossible for them due to an inability to open their mouth. Nobody is quite sure.
Mental (Thought): Despite their man-like appearance, the Kindräuber is not known to be very bright. They tend to leave much evidence of their foolishness behind, and gladly risk their life for a meal, even if they just ate.
Mental (Emotion): So far only three real emotions have been recorded by Christabel for this species: Anger, fear and despair. If they’re capable of expression more emotions than these, it’s not yet discovered.
Supernatural: A small amount of hypnosis, used to draw its victims in. Otherwise, nothing.

Internal Workings:
Body Temp: 57.2 degrees Fahrenheit
Primary Diet: Like the Incubus and Succubus, the Kindräuber devours the indefinable ‘life force.’ However, unlike the Incubus and Succubus, because of the Kindräuber’s weak strength its diet mainly consists of children under the age of 15.
How they eat: After the Kindräuber finds its prey, it lures the victim towards it with hypnosis, persuading the child to walk into its arms. Once embraced the child is impaled by the tendril that comes out of the Kindräuber’s torso, and it begins to work quite similar to a straw, sucking out the force and transporting it directly to the stomach. This feeding can last for a few minutes, and once it’s done the child is merely dropped where it is.

To rid themselves of what their body doesn't properly 'digest' it breaks into shivers, and the components unneeded exit the pores and out into the air. It's still not understood how this process takes place.
Primary Defenses Against Threats: There is no real good defense, fighting-wise. They either run or try to hypnotize whoever they’re threatened by. If one doesn’t work, they’re try the other. If both of those don’t work, they’ll attempt to stand and fight, but can easily be overpowered and killed.




...steal any of this and you will die!

Opinions?
Any other details I may want to add?

I think as far as basics you've got everything covered beautifully. The only thing that I could think for you to add would be something along the lines of what is generally thought of them in various cultures or what folk-tales surround them.

You might also try giving your beasties more than one name. What are they called in other cultures? Or are do they only hunt/exist in one particular area?

How are these creatures created? Are they capable of breeding? Asexual reproduction? Changing these 'Lost Children' into them? Or are there only a set number of them in the world and that's it?

Also, are your monsters generally accepted as real? Or are they seen as 'boogeymen'?
If it's the first, are there groups or such that actively hunt these creatures? Are there cults that worship them?

But as far as the actual nitty gritty of creature creation, I think you've got everything done great.