![]() |
Emotions at Dance
With piercing eyes you look right through a pang in my heart you cut it in two you see the rules i've dared to defy you seemed to have knew well aren't you sly my pain, my pleasures my joy, my treasures you see it all with just one glance and this i call our emotions at dance |
i rather like it. but on the 6th line did you mean known instead of knew?
|
he has a point, it would be known but i can also see that you are trying to rhyme your sentances as well. how about instead of talking about how he had known you could say that he had known and thats what you knew? just a thought, not a very good one though....
i like the poem, it is very suggestive and manipulative. keep on writting ^^ |
| All times are GMT. The time now is 08:37 PM. |